I got Mark's death certificate yesterday and the grief hit me like a ton of bricks. It has his three causes listed and I just bawled like a baby. I guess I said it was my fault. I know it's not my fault, but I feel so bad he had to suffer through pain at a younger age. It's so weird how just recently things hit me making me cry like shredding old bills and even TV shows we watched together. Grief is weird and so random at times
Mom was 101 and had a multitude of health issues.
Hubby was 73 and also had many issues, dementia, copd, chronic pain, addiction to painkillers.
Telling myself they are free and no longer suffering doesn't help. Everything triggers tears, depression.
Some days, I am ok, but on a weekend night like this the night feels long and endless.
Friends and family check in with me contstantly, take me out, but grief is just a wave I have to ride.
I know what you mean by the death certificate, so real, so final, so true.
I am 64 and have a long time to live, I imagine if I take care of myself. So I'm trying to recover from being a caretaker for so long by trying to exercise, eat well and finally get some decent sleep. But I have to force myself to do these things, as I currently could give a crap about all the self care I complained so much about missing out on when I was taking care of them and feeling pulled in a million different directions.
Yeah, everything makes me cry too. Hugs to you, DoggieMom86.
I have to go pick up his ashes, and I know that will trigger another round of sadness and grief. I don't think I will ever be the same agai I miss him every minute..