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Because his brain is broken and he doesn't understand.
Because he believes you are his rock, his rescuer, and he can get you to do his bidding.
Because he feel fearful and desperate.
Because his brain is broken and he cannot understand.

I am so sorry. You didn't cause this and you can't fix this and you are wise to get him now into safe care. THERE WILL BE GRIEVING. Is this not worth grieving. There will be anger and tears and begging and mourning and manipulation and desperation and despair and I mean there will be that/those for BOTH of you.
There is simply no way around the grief of this but through it.
You know you are doing the only thing you can. Be gentle with him. And understand that you will bear the brunt of this because YOU are the one he trusts to let it all loose on.

I hope he will adjust quickly. For my own brother he was so much better when he entered care. It was like all the things he had to manage and worry about were over. It was a routine that comforted him. I hope this happens for you both. My heart goes out to you and I am so very sorry.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
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It's what they do. Remind him how much you love him, redirect the conversation when the guilt gets going, take him for a walk or give him a snack you brought with you, watch a movie etc. If things get bad, tell him you'll be back another day when he's in a better mood. That's what I told my mother in Memory Care when she'd get nasty. Give him a hug and a kiss and leave.

This disease is a no win situation for BOTH of you, not just him.

Good luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Try to plan your visit so that it coincides with a facility activity or event, then when it's time for you to leave, take him to the event, let the staff know you are dipping out and then part while he's distracted and occupied.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Someone can only make us feel guilty if we allow them to. So quit allowing him.
You know in your heart of hearts that you've done what is best for him and best for you, and that's all there is to it.
Reassure him that you love him and will come visit when you're able. Eventually he'll be far enough in his dementia journey that he'll forget that you placed him there.
May God bless you as you take this difficult journey with your husband.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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