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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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The caregiver role changes the relationship between couples even if the couple is married. That's not the only thing. At least, the married caregiver has legal standing. The unmarried caregiver does not. Please consider this and be careful.
Some good responses. Talk to the AgingCare organization in your area. I'm sure they will have some good ideas for you. I'm a 24/7 caregiver and fortunately one of my HHA taught me the ropes.
If he is refusing all kinds of care, then there isn't anything you can do.
The ankylosis is really more of an 'annoyance' than a life threatening illness. I have a whole body full of ankylosed joints and while it is annoying and chronically painful, I live a full life.
Diabetes should be treated by the person who has it. My DH has diabetes and simply refuses to treat it. I tried for a couple years to really help him, but he fought me on everything. Finally I accepted that he doesn't CARE and I can't make him. Until he cares more to live and have quality of life, I can't do anything. I learned about diabetes and the management and was very hands on for the first 6 months post-dx. Now he is heavier and less active than he has ever been. It makes me mad and sad at the same time.
You don't mention what kind of cancer he has--and that could be huge or small, depending on the treatment for it.
You literally CANNOT do things for your BF that he doesn't want done. I'm sorry, truly.
Wrong about Ankylosing. It can be far more than an annoyance. While it rarely causes death (which usually involves the fusing of the rib cage and stifling the heart) it makes life unbearable in many cases and causes you to be unable to fight off many illnesses. It can lead to blindness, shattered bones, absolute fusion into bizarre and painful positions that you cannot get out of ...it is horrible and exhausting. It needs constant monitoring and treatment.
My own mother has numerous co-morbidities she’s not treating for. She has invasive squamous cell skin cancer, inflammatory breast cancer that is spreading, and end stage congestive heart failure. She is on hospice. Hospice provides comfort care for her and she is managing well - considering what she has going on. Your boyfriend’s diabetes can be controlled by eating a proper diet. He can help out with that. If not, what can you do if he chooses to eat poorly? Hospice can just do their best to make him as comfortable as possible. And you will watch a slow and painful decline. Some people are just stubborn and there’s nothing any one can do about it. None of this reflects on you or your love for him. You can not love him enough to make him well if he rejects the help that is known to make him more comfortable.
You can support his decision to receive no treatment. You can suggest Hospice. (Hospice is not necessarily 6 or fewer months, if he is rejecting treatment he should qualify) With Hospice you will get support from a Social Worker as well as a Chaplain. You and he will receive care from a Nurse as well as a CNA and there are other Disciplines that can be offered. OR If you do not agree with his decision you have to be honest with him and tell him. At that point it is your choice to remain with him or you can choose to leave him.(that sort of sounds heartless I do not intend to be so it is being honest with yourself and him as to what you can manage) There are Support Groups for each condition that you can contact for information and support.
Are you looking for training regarding his specific diseases or are you looking for caregiving training? Also depending on his income, you may be able to receive training through your state medicaid caregiving program. I'm sorry I dont know the official name but here in Washington state it's called the Copes Program. They provided me caregiver training and pay me to care for my elderly disabled mom. I know someone will post the correct name for you. Hugs and prayers. ❤
Aandrae You're very fortunate that your state does that. Here in NC, they do not pay caregivers for caring for their loved ones. I know. Cause I care for my husband.
He is entitled to not getting help. I would think he is in pain. If he doesn't want treatment, you may want to call Hospice in. At least that way he can be kept comfortable and pain free.
The online definition of Ankylosing is so far from the reality...some cases are mild and aside from a penchant to bone fragility and occasional flare ups of exhaustion and pain...they're OK. Others can go blind, get paralized, get fused into pretzels that they never get straightened out of. Shatter bones left right and center, constant fatigue, bed bound and immobile...all kinds of fun stuff.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Try calling the Area Agency on Aging if in the US. Call the different disease organizations.
Personally, I refuse to help someone who is unwilling to help themselves. Yes, this applies to family members.
Give some serious though to what this relationship means to you? How long have you been together? Has he ever taken care of himself?
What care giving or support does he expect from you?
What is he doing for you? What are you getting out of the relationship?
You could be subject to a ton of abuse. Good luck...hugs 🤗
The ankylosis is really more of an 'annoyance' than a life threatening illness. I have a whole body full of ankylosed joints and while it is annoying and chronically painful, I live a full life.
Diabetes should be treated by the person who has it. My DH has diabetes and simply refuses to treat it. I tried for a couple years to really help him, but he fought me on everything. Finally I accepted that he doesn't CARE and I can't make him. Until he cares more to live and have quality of life, I can't do anything. I learned about diabetes and the management and was very hands on for the first 6 months post-dx. Now he is heavier and less active than he has ever been. It makes me mad and sad at the same time.
You don't mention what kind of cancer he has--and that could be huge or small, depending on the treatment for it.
You literally CANNOT do things for your BF that he doesn't want done. I'm sorry, truly.
You can suggest Hospice. (Hospice is not necessarily 6 or fewer months, if he is rejecting treatment he should qualify)
With Hospice you will get support from a Social Worker as well as a Chaplain. You and he will receive care from a Nurse as well as a CNA and there are other Disciplines that can be offered.
OR
If you do not agree with his decision you have to be honest with him and tell him. At that point it is your choice to remain with him or you can choose to leave him.(that sort of sounds heartless I do not intend to be so it is being honest with yourself and him as to what you can manage)
There are Support Groups for each condition that you can contact for information and support.
You're very fortunate that your state does that. Here in NC, they do not pay caregivers for caring for their loved ones. I know. Cause I care for my husband.
I am terribly sorry that you are in this situation.
Do you know why he is reluctant?
Has he spoken to anyone else about his condition, such as a social worker?
Maybe it would be easier for him to speak to someone objective and not as close as you are to him.
Is he trying to protect your feelings by holding everything inside?
How old is he? How old are you? What type of cancer does he have? What is his prognosis? How much daily care does he need currently?
More info would be very helpful, thanks.