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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You already know your mother will scream at you when you correct her. Don't correct her anymore if you don't want to get yelled at.
She has dementia. Her reality is what her mind makes up. You can't convince her differently. It's futile.
What you should do is go along with it. What to say, you ask? You can nod, say yes, I agree, uh huh, sure, of course; or longer phrases and sentences if you feel like it. If you're in the mood, you can add on to and elaborate on her made-up stories just for the fun of it. But always agree with her.
You should NEVER correct a person who has any of the dementias. The best thing you can do is just go along with whatever she is saying as it is her truth, even if it's not yours. You have to now enter her world and leave yours behind(at least when you're with her). You have to meet her where she's at. Your life and hers will be so much more peaceful and happy if you do. I would suggest educating yourself about the disease of dementia, as that will help you better understand what your mother is going through. The book The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins is a great place to start. Teepa Snow(a world renowned dementia expert)has many great videos on YouTube as well along with several great books she's written on the subject too. So....NO more correcting your mother. It's time to just go with the flow and whatever she says. You'll be glad you did.
From your profile: :"I am caring for someone with alzheimer's / dementia, cancer, depression, diabetes, hearing loss, heart disease, incontinence, and stroke."
"My husband and I are in our 70's. We have one daughter who is too busy with her career to help much. I have trouble with arthritis and back pain. I usually don't get enough sleep."
Does your mother live with you and your H? She has a lot going on medically. You have arthritis, back pain, and don't get enough sleep.
Sounds like it's getting to be too much for her to live with you! You also seem resentful that your D doesn't help.
How/when did you become your mother's 24/7/365 caregiver? And why?
What is your mother's financial status? Can she afford a facility? Could she be Medicaid-eligible?
While it's true to never correct an elder suffering from dementia, it can get quite tricky when and if they're accusing you of outrageous or ridiculous things! It's not a good idea to agree with them that burglars are trying to break into the house, or bugs are infesting the bedding, so we walk a fine line separating the truth from the fiction with their delusions. 😑
The best course of action, in general, is to distract them off of the topic that's causing agitation. Agree with what's reasonable, divert from what's not, and ignore the rest. If your loved ones new reality becomes frightening or agitated to a nerve wracking point, call the doctor for calming meds. There is no reasoning with them, so you can only try to use distraction techniques or calming techniques to temporarily help them forget their train of thought. It's a difficult situation to say the least.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
She has dementia. Her reality is what her mind makes up. You can't convince her differently. It's futile.
What you should do is go along with it. What to say, you ask? You can nod, say yes, I agree, uh huh, sure, of course; or longer phrases and sentences if you feel like it. If you're in the mood, you can add on to and elaborate on her made-up stories just for the fun of it. But always agree with her.
You have to now enter her world and leave yours behind(at least when you're with her). You have to meet her where she's at. Your life and hers will be so much more peaceful and happy if you do.
I would suggest educating yourself about the disease of dementia, as that will help you better understand what your mother is going through.
The book The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins is a great place to start. Teepa Snow(a world renowned dementia expert)has many great videos on YouTube as well along with several great books she's written on the subject too.
So....NO more correcting your mother. It's time to just go with the flow and whatever she says. You'll be glad you did.
"My husband and I are in our 70's. We have one daughter who is too busy with her career to help much. I have trouble with arthritis and back pain. I usually don't get enough sleep."
Does your mother live with you and your H? She has a lot going on medically. You have arthritis, back pain, and don't get enough sleep.
Sounds like it's getting to be too much for her to live with you! You also seem resentful that your D doesn't help.
How/when did you become your mother's 24/7/365 caregiver? And why?
What is your mother's financial status? Can she afford a facility? Could she be Medicaid-eligible?
The best course of action, in general, is to distract them off of the topic that's causing agitation. Agree with what's reasonable, divert from what's not, and ignore the rest. If your loved ones new reality becomes frightening or agitated to a nerve wracking point, call the doctor for calming meds. There is no reasoning with them, so you can only try to use distraction techniques or calming techniques to temporarily help them forget their train of thought. It's a difficult situation to say the least.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.