My mother lives with my husband and our two kids. She is in stage 4-5 of Alzheimer’s disease. We are planning a 7 day trip and I have found a small memory care facility that houses 7 seniors in a home setting where mom could have a room. They cover medication management, 3 meals and snacks. She would have a private room and bathroom. She gets very confused when not at home and my worry is she would take a big step down after a week of being away from me and her usual home and routine. I am looking for anyone that is experience with moving their loved one away for a week while taking respite vacation??
There came a point where I realized that there were no good choices when it came to my mom's care; there was only the "least bad choice". It was a balancing act of maintaining our mental and physical health, her mental and physical health, finances and other intangibles.
You cannot care for a dementia patient 24/7 with no respite without burning out and perhaps dying. You need breaks. Mom needs consistent care and reliable care. These needs must be balanced.
No one is going to look out for YOUR health except for you.
You need this vacation if you're going to continue on this journey with your mom, so trust that she will be fine, and go enjoy yourself and your family. Your mom would want you to, if she was in her right mind. So don't give this another thought, and just go have fun. You deserve it.
Your mother's life is not the only one that's important here. You have a husband and two children who also matter even more, not to mention yourself. You all deserve a break from the full time caregiving of an Alzheimer's patient, that's for sure. Your mother is confused now, and she'll be confused later, whether she's in a room at MC or a room in your home. That's the nature of ALZ and it doesn't get better based on what you do or do not do.
My mother is 94+ and lives in Memory Care full time. She has good days and bad days with her moderately advanced dementia. Sometimes she's lucid, pretty much, while other times she's dressing up to ride the bus to visit her father in NYC who's been dead since 1942. There are days she insists the MC is her hotel and other days where 'they're taking her across the street to a new hotel which looks exactly like her old hotel' for the night. Your mother may move into the MC and think it's a lovely hotel room as well.
Who knows? What I do know is that you and your family will have a great vacation while your mother is well cared for and safe in the MC.
Have fun!
This time, she will be out of town, so my husband is going to a MC facility for 1 week. I was planning to go with my sister to Florida, but started having panic attacks and not being able to sleep.
So I'm going to another 4 day quilting retreat in a town that is only 30 miles away. I going to use the other 3 days to clear out the junk in the "man cave " with his caregiver.
I have already spoken with the MCF director about him transitioning to full time residence if he likes it there.
My mom was in respite for a week while I went to the mountains for a break. I went horse riding, fly fishing and just explored. It was wonderful! My mom was in about the same stage yours is.
And there was no long term impact on mom, no noticeable decline. The timing was great. A new roof was put on during that week. Had mom been home that would have been a nightmare.
Do you need a roof replacement or other major maintenance job done? This would be a great time to do it.
Eventually Mom was placed first in a memory care facility, then a smaller care home which worked great for her. Don't be afraid to let go, let someone else helping her for just a short period of time. She will be fine and will have no memory of it within a couple hours of going back home. If mom has done well consider that this may be the best place for mom and your family. Give it a chance.
4 days is effectively 2 days if there’s travel involved- that is not enough time to decompress on a family vacation, especially as you will also have some stress with getting mom over to respite care. Was this was pre-dementia mom’s vision for you—Not taking a short vacation to build memories with your own family because you’re worried about her?
You’ve found a nice place that will be able to provide for your mom safely. She may be a little confused. She’ll probably forget that, though. Chances are that she will probably be able to slip back into her routine when she’s back home, but perhaps she’ll need you to make sure she’s got her routine down pat at first. You won’t know until you do it, and the difference between 4 and 7 days is likely to be negligible.
👍good luck!
I placed my Husband in the same Memory Care facility that I took him for Day Care. So he "knew" the people and the area he would be in.
I was going to be gone for 3 weeks. First vacation I took in 10 years!
I was scared he would be so "institutionalized" that I would not be able to bring him home.
The day I went to pick him up, he looked up at me, smiled and chuckled a bit. I got him into the car. As soon as I got him home and helped him out of the car he walked right up the ramp, into the house and sat down in his recliner and picked up the juice I had left on the table for him. It was like he had been gone hours not weeks!.
That was him.
Your situation might end up different.
There is no "one size fits all" with dementia.
Bottom line is.....
You need a vacation, you and the family deserve a vacation.
You might want to take a bit of time while on vacation to think about the "what if's" . If mom does decline would you consider keeping her placed in the Memory Care home? Even if she does not decline is that an option?
do expect that when you bring her home that she will be confused. Once she gets used to her room at MC that will be "her place, her home"
I would also tell the management that unless it is a true emergency not to contact you. I got a call from my sister, she was the contact person that the facility called, said my Husband had an infection that needed to be treated. I gave her permission to tell them to do so. Only to get back and look at the bill and I/he was charged over $100 for a doctor visit and medication for ATHLETES FOOT! (needless to say I was a basket case after the call then irate when I got back)
Hire a Live In Sitter for the week.
I would also have Nest Cameras installed in the rooms where your mom would be so you can watch and see how she's doing anytime, 24 7. I have them at my 97 yr Olds Dad's house so I can keep an eye on him and his Caregivers.
Prayers
it would make her anxious fearful
and it would be big decline for her…
imho
you should get her help in her home
hopefully for couple days before you go … so she can transition more comfortably but moving her I think traumatic
Respite is very important for you and your family. All of you need time to "recharge" and reconnect. Do not cancel the trip.