I am a very patient and professional caregiver today my company told me my client don't want me to go work with them im the 11,th caregiver who work with them and stayed long mostly all caregivers left sooner like not even a week, the longest i know who stayed long is 6 weeks. My patient is the wife she has dementia and a incontinence , but we getting well so good.. she always tell me thank u for helping her she is so happy every time i am there.. to make the story short here is the husband he is a bit a problem he have so manny problems in everything if you changed her bed with out telling him , if you touch or brush her teeth with out asking him nor touch the lysol, tissues believe me even the lid of the toiled if you dont put it back after using you will hear from him, and its not simple he really get mad so mad to a point he turns red.. but i tried to let all those pass my main focus is the wife .. yesterday during our routine to transfer to welchair to bed he was watching and when i ask my patient ok we need to go back to bed now its time, you can do it so she didn’t respond so its normal so i repeat again lil bit loudly.. not knowing he took it in a way that i was shouting on her wife,, but I didn’t i know what is shout and being loud.. so here we go today i received a call from my boss telling my client do not want me to go back coz i shout on her wife.. i was in so much shook, in fact its me has to much to deal with him but instead i let it pass for me being patient and understanding.. working with him is so terrifying you cant move nor use anything with out asking him even , in things like changing her wife diaper if he dont like the way he wants he will be so mad at you.. im just sad coz why he need to do this, i know he dont want me to stay more longer coz he dont want to pay , the raise in my salary.. im happy coz i travell 50minutes just to get there and deal with his terrible attitude, he is not my patient its the wife but i feel like he is my patient… but my company told me , he knew how they are and me and the company are good thy will provide me another clien… please i need any advice what to do if this happens to you all? Shall i leave my company or continue?
Background on me. Wife, now widow to a great guy that I was primary caregiver for a long time. When I did get caregivers I realized that not everyone does the same thing the same way. I told myself that as long as he was:
1.) SAFE.
2). Cared for, not left alone.
3) Cleaned when he needed to be cleaned and
4) Fed when he was supposed to be fed.
That was what mattered.
It can take people a LONG time to get to that state of mind. Some take longer than others, some never let go. There may be the mindset that "no one can care for XX the way I do, they don't love them the way I do"
For now, move on to another client.
For the next one think about this....
The husband or wife that you are caring for has been cared for by this person you are there to help out for 10 years, 30 years maybe 50 years. they are not just losing the person they love but now they are having to admit that they can no longer care for them by themselves. To many that is a "failure" and humans do not like to fail.
While you may know how to do all that you do and you have years of experience talk to the spouse or loved one. Ask about how they did things. Ask questions how the person you are caring for liked things done.
And reinforce that they have done a great job, you are there to help both of them. They are dealing with the potential loss of their loved one and that hurts, there are very raw nerves.
I would happily take the next client and just let this couple run through the entire chorus line.
For me looking back I probably should have tried harder with the wife and understood that I was invading her space and doing things for her husband that she wanted to do but was incapable to do.
When you have couples in caregiving it puts a different spin on it, but he sounds very difficult to deal with. Honestly it doesn't sound like a healthy atmosphere anyways. Let it go move on .
Just keep in mind, it is not you.
Clients who are ill and have dementia do not have the ability to make sound decisions. Couples can be difficult. It's not you. It is a matter of them gaining trust until paranoia sets in. These people go through so many cognitive changes that you will not get the same person twice in one day. It is an illness.
Keep up front that this is a job; nothing more or nothing less.