I believe this is Elder Abuse! My father is 66 yrs. old. He lives on the streets or a storage unit really, he sleeps outside at night and when the unit is open, he sleeps in there. He panhandles during the day. He has a wife who is very vindictive and doesn't care. She takes his money that he gets from SSI and refuses to let him have his money, she has convinced him that she is the only one that can control his money and told him he was cured of diabetes. His toes have already started turning black. I have reached out to Adult Protective Services, and they say they can't do anything, if he says he is okay than there is nothing they will do, I reported her to SS and they said they cannot do anything unless he cooperates, which he won't because of her. I am at a loss of what to do. He is not mentally stable, I believe because he thinks that it is ok for her to do him this way, it’s okay to be homeless and okay that he doesn't see a doctor, she makes him believe that they will be together so she can keep getting his money. She has also alienated him from his family because in her words, "We are not his family, she and her boys are" She has also convinced him that I am not his daughter.
Someone please tell me what I need to do or can do! All I do is cry and be depressed because I can't seem to help him!
I cared for him 4 years ago, I made sure he bought new clothes, personal hygiene things, a new phone and food he likes, made sure he took a shower and I had him put back on his medicine (even though he fought me on it), but she convinced him to move back to her and when she got his money back she put him on the streets.
Now, while your dad is in the Hospital, go to that hospital medical records department and tell them you need a copy of your dad's entire medical record they have a form that must be signed, ask them if the nurse brought your dad to their office if your dad signed the medical records release form if you could get a copy of the Entire medical records. After that meeting pull his nurse aside and ask them if they would kindly escort your dad in a wheelchair to the medical records office so he can sign the form.
Keep mentioning your dad's " Risk of Life " to everyone you talk to that I have mentioned. Once you have the copies of his medical records search through them for any Provider's diagnosis of the Dementia. Once you have that document, you can prove that your dad has Dementia, and through the Attorney filing in Court for Bank account records then the Attorney can prove in Court the Fraud, and the Court will end his wife's control of any money. Then plus his wife the Court may order that she return to your dad any money that she has taken, the bank account records will show how much, and your Attorney will obtain the exact amount from the bank records. Make sure you ask the Attorney to have the Court to order/revoke any of his wife's handling of any of your dad's money. Then ask your Attorney to ask the Court to award you as Sole Guardianship for your dad.
It is very possible that his wife may be facing at this point possible jail time if it meets the Fraud Laws. Fraud Laws is simple all you have to prove is someone got money from someone (your dad), and that person (his wife) benefit from the money, and the person who got his money taken (your dad) was caused harm (homeless/hungry/penniless) and risk of death from an unsafe environment.
If you have a camera phone, take a picture of what I wrote and please let me know if this helped. Now, you have a lot of people involved and, in your corner, and you are no longer alone. I recommend that you do not say a word of what you are doing to his wife, let the blame fall where it may.
Your dad will thank you, and you are doing this because you will soon be able to help your dad. I hope this helps you
If your Dad does in fact have Dementia then it makes sense that his wife has control of the money. To be a caregiver to someone with Dementia [depending on the stage] can be very difficult. Could be his wife doesn't know what to do for him, so she just lets him do what he wants.
Eg If he is so unwell he gets transported to ER.
Although as you have seen, he has a home with his wife so could be released again to her care. His wife cannot keep him at home if he chooses to wander.
She can insist on a thorough health inc cognitive assessment if he is an in-patient. But doesn't mean she will. She may have realised the limits of her ability to change things & be waiting for the next crises too.
I think your role is to be an Advocate for your Dad when he does meet the next crises.
You can't fix it. But you can alert professionals to the real situation.
Not all situations go the best way or the way you'd like 😞