DH and I have been together 14 years. We are domestic partners, but my mom’s response would be the same as if we got married. My mom is shocked that I’d leave my house to dh versus my multimillionaire sisters. She told me she only saw value in him as almost an aide and that if I ever became bankrupt to the point of being homeless she’d bail me out with an apartment but that he couldn’t come.
Similarly, I doubt mil would cough up the equivalent of 400k if we got married, which is what they did for yb and dil 20 years ago, even though the ils were retired even then. As people get older they tend to care more about taxes taken out even though they won’t ever feel it. Plus people this age feel that once you’ve taken on a partnership role with the house and all that you’re IT. When I said I’d be willing the house to him years ago mil just went glossy eyed as if I were the fairy godmother. She thinks this too.
My dh is 61. He’s on a pip and tasked with duties techs half his age get two people to accomplish. I would give him a year, tops, after which he may have to DoorDash. Ageism is real.
AFAIK he should at this point have his Unpleasant Discussion With Mom to clarify whether he will get the same gift upon his first marriage that his brother did for his second one. I doubt it, but we might as well know for financial planning purposes. Perhaps holiday purposes. We know you can afford making the two brothers equal, mil.
DH was walking in right then so I had to hang up on mom. First time in 15 years. I cannot BELIEVE the selfishness of this 1935-50 generation just telling their progeny to freak off with financial situations people increasingly understand the younger they are. Have a talk with the struggling child about giving him an advance. Does it harm your quality of life, no, add a codicil to the will saying the struggling child gets less for getting an advance.
Unfortunately I vented all this to dh
I’m one of 5 , and the only one that paid my own way through college and was the one raised to be a care slave from an early age.
Mom gave away her jewelry before dying . I was given a relatively inexpensive sterling silver necklace back that I had given to Mom only a few years prior . Everyone else was given the “ good vintage stuff “.
When Mom died , there was no house and not a whole lot of money left , but it was split 5 ways . All 4 siblings received the paperwork in the mail that needed to be signed in order for the estate to be settled and for the 5 checks to be sent to us. I was the only one that did not receive paperwork , got lost in the mail I guess . But I could not miss the irony in that !!
I also fantasized about not pursuing , nor signing the paperwork which would have at a minimum delayed the estate from being settled. I did ask for new paperwork and signed it .
I didn’t even want my share of the money .
I split it in half and gave it to my adult kids .
It wouldn’t be just nice let alone equal if mil actually did gift the same to dh as she had his brother. It’s actually easier for mil to give dh the same as what his brother got now that she’s inherited all of fil’s moms money too. She and my mom are worth eight figures with mil most of it, and their collective attitudes are that they will only help if we break up.