My MIL dropped the "final straw" on Friday by falling for yet another scam to the tune of over $6000. Thankfully, the bank teller recognized the issue and called us. We have been through this many times in recent years and it is now at critical mass since my FIL died in December and most of her income stopped. We have tried the route of talking with her, explaining the dangers, explaining she would lose everything, etc. Every time she promises she won't do it again, or she will call us to alert us that she is being targeted, but she never does and she gets scammed again. We have no idea how many scams she lost money to...possibly as much as $50,000 as this is how short her funds were when FIL died (based on what they told us they had in the years before he died). She still believes she will win the big sweepstakes. In our mind, something is very cognitively wrong with my MIL. Has anyone ever spoken with their elderly parents' doctor and requested a cognitive test at their next check up? DH is DPOA and is going to take over her finances and we wonder if we would be able to protect her and her savings and income even better if her doctor can prove she is having cognitive problems. She still drives! (Yikes!)
I constantly have to reel in my boss and my sign other whenever they find an email with such an offering. Come on guys, Bill Gates isn't going to give you a free computer. And no, you are not inheriting a million dollars from a relative you never heard of, and HELLO that so call relative is far removed from the original country of your ancestors.
I think it is time for whomever is your Mom-in-law's financial Power of Attorney to step in as Mom isn't making wise financial choices. Start by having all the bills re-addressed to the POA.
Then have the POA's name added to all of the bank accounts. That usually is best done when Mom-in-law is sitting right there next to the POA at the bank. Prior to going to the bank you can use "theraputic fibs" saying that there is a new law that anyone 90 or older, the son's name needs to be added on the checking account, otherwise the State will take over the account. Or whatever "fib" you think she will believe.
I had to use a similar fib to get my Dad to update his Will, by saying the laws have changed and the way his Will was written, the State will get half of his asset. His ears perked up, and before I knew it, he had me make an appt with an Elder Law Attorney.
Best of luck with all of this.......it's a real challenge to deal with these personality types on TOP of a dementia diagnosis.
Just remember to be nice while the POA is on her mind so she does not cut out who she's named. As long as she's remembering you are POA, she can revoke with just verbal words. If you are sweet to her and give her sugar and don't cross her, then she will forget you are POA. Instead of being confrontational about it, tell her that you were reading the internet over the weekend, and that people can become suddenly incapacitated with no warning. If the POA is not invoked before then, it can be very difficult to get invoked if she's incapacitated. That you "hope to do her a favor by providing this service and will order some new checks too with the flyer that was in the Sunday paper... look at these, aren't these cute... let's order them once we go by the bank!" It can be done!
One of the first things we noticed was off with my mom was the inability to distinguish between junk mail and actual bills. We started to ask her to set the mail aside and my daughter went over it weekly with her. They paid the bills together and tossed the rest. A few years before my mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia she was evaluated by a geriatric specialist who found memory loss but not yet to the extent of dementia. She recommended she had help with finances and medication and suggested we start looking into an independent living or assisted living facility . That lasted another year or so before she moved to an independent living facility where they provided meals, housekeeping but that’s about it. She did well there for about a year then fell and broke her hip. Her dementia continued to worsen until it was officially diagnosed about 4-5 months ago. She’s pretty out of it usually now.
In my opinion, the doctor did nothing because my FIL pressured him to do nothing so that he could still be considered competent. Family and friends would visit him and he would showtime for them like a champ! Afterwards, he was exhausted and needed a nap.
If I could do it over again, I would insist that neurological testing be done sooner. My husband has POA and he's always been hesitate to "push" his dad because FIL gets upset very easily. He has severe depression and anxiety and is noncompliant with his meds. It's horrible.
Do what you can to get your MIL the testing she needs and document everything to protect yourselves if there is ever a question about what you did and why.