it one of the main reasons he is in a nursing home. Dad does not want me to change him and clean him up, and i don't want to. But I feel he would do better at home and have someone come in to help and get physical therapy. Right now for the most part nursing home staff is good. But if one more person tells me your dad want walk again, your dad is old, he want get better, you need to get use to this. Enough. don't we need to give him a chance to get stronger and not dismiss his physical need to get out of bed. Dad is mentally okay. OMG this is exhausting for me and him.
I agree with Carol that you both could probably overcome the hygiene issues. But there seems to be more to this than incontinence. Give us more details about his mobility issues, for more specific responses.
Caring for an elderly loved one in home is an extremely difficult job -- most caregivers say it it the hardest job they have ever done. Certainly you love your father, and possibly he would be better off in some ways with you. But carefully consider ALL aspects of his needs and your qualifications to meet those needs,
Be careful, however, that you are aware of the other things you are taking on. Will he still be able to get his physical therapy? Will you be able to handle his other physical needs because of size and weight (and your strength)? Are your personalities compatible?
Talk over any move you make with a social worker or someone who knows what services he can get at home before you make such a move. You don't want to take him home and regret it.
Take care,
Carol