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Father has confusion, lack of awareness; walking into neighbors house at all hours, needs more care everyday. Stepmom legally blind. I can not care for him and sadly needs Medicaid for nursing home or similiar.
Are you POA? Is StepMom POA? Is she competent? Because yes, this is sounding like it will end as a court battle for guardianship, and if that is what you want I caution you that you will not be allowed to give it up if you tried to; that release must come from a judge.
Moreover, you are unlikely to get POA when there is a spouse there to take on care. That seems to be her wish? And getting documents from an uncooperative person not worth it. Legally these fights can go to 10s of thousands of dollars. I would step away here. I would call APS and let them handle it with stepmom. Just my personal opinion on what little I know here.
Wow, explain. I am POA and she wants dad in a nursing home care environment but she is fearful her money will be taken. I do not want to get lawyers involved but what do I do as his dementia worsens?The protective services in their county have been no help.
As POA you maybe able to get any financial information that is under his name. I have an app where I can view my accts at anytime, this includes my nephews because I am on his accts.
Because there is a spouse involved, you may need an Elder Lawyer to split their assets. She is entitled to 50% of assets. As a Community Spouse she gets to stay in the home and receive enough of their monthly income to live on.
My step mom moved money in her name only. I have no access to it. I do not want to do anything more than to relieve her and the neighbors that are burdened. I can not care for him so I want to get him somewhere safe.
Not sure why you are not willing to retain a lawyer. In this case an attorney is needed. They will help immensely with the division of assets to enable your father to be Medicaid eligible while your step mother will be able to retain assets. She will not loose their house, savings, car (only one allowed) and will be able to keep a certain amount of savings. States differ with allowable assets the spouse can retain.
Hiding money only creates more issues and prolongs his much needed alternative care to relieve the stress on you, stepmother and neighbors. I would begin to give your stepmother a loving talk (fake it if you need to) about your desire to help her but you need her to be forthcoming with all financial information. And go together to an eldercare lawyer so he/she can reassure her.
Also, as POA you are and will be responsible for him until he passes on. It's not a one and done responsibility to get him in a facility.
In Australia, there are Returnable Accommodation Deposits (RAD), Daily fees the same for everyone, and means tested Daily fees. The RAD can also be taken as a Daily Accommodation Payment (DAP) which is 8.5% of the RAD which is usually $3.5-$5.5k and going to $7.5k soon. Dad has gone into care. For my folks the total fortnightly costs were more than their income, so they are eating into assets and the family home has had to be sold, Mum has moved into a smaller house. So my point is Step Mum may need real help in understanding the costs and impact. It's part of being a couple. Very tough reality. Either escape from it, work with your step Mum n Dad with no expectations about inheritance, or it sounds too late for your Dad to divorce for lack of support like my Uncle did at 85 years. Best wishes.
Thanks for being responsive to our comments. You have a serious problem on your hands here. You are POA, and stepmom hold the assets of the marriage and hold them secret. Honestly you cannot function this way. You also respond to us that stepmom has MOVED all assets into her name. I almost hope so, because then your dad is indigent and can get get help of the government for payment for care, and stepmom won't lose her assets (as she surely would otherwise. Only about 100,000 of assets can be kept for the well spouse.
I would say you have a serious serious problem. You are POA but cannot apply for Medicaid because you cannot get financial records. Step mom is marriage to him but doesn't want him in care taking mutual assets.
This is a mess, and I can't see how you can handle it. You may legally need to resign your POA, and give over guardianship to the state if step mom won't be guardian and you can't house and manage your dad.
This is one of the worst quandaries I have seen on AC. I can only say this. You need an attorney. I do not see how a lay person can possibly handle this.
I sure wish you the best of luck and I sure hope you update us as to what you manage to do here. It's a terrible shame that you and Stepmom cannot work together to get him placed and help manage her portion of the assets, but the laws as they are written will want to take her assets she needs for her own likely oncoming care needs.
If you are power of attorney then you can get all those ..anything you want actually except medically .. unless you have medical power of attorney as well .. power of attorney trumps wife .
She can't get control of an account that is joint assets of her dad and step mom. She cannot easily get IRS records She cannot easily get old bank statements for accounts in step mom's control. She honestly cannot get almost anything she needs to get him qualified for Medicaid alone. So it isn't true. Step mom has apparently already been emptying accounts he is on and there's little she can do about this if they are in Dad and Stepmom's name. This is a very complicated problem she has. I sure wouldn't want it on my plate.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is StepMom POA? Is she competent?
Because yes, this is sounding like it will end as a court battle for guardianship, and if that is what you want I caution you that you will not be allowed to give it up if you tried to; that release must come from a judge.
Moreover, you are unlikely to get POA when there is a spouse there to take on care. That seems to be her wish?
And getting documents from an uncooperative person not worth it. Legally these fights can go to 10s of thousands of dollars.
I would step away here. I would call APS and let them handle it with stepmom. Just my personal opinion on what little I know here.
Because there is a spouse involved, you may need an Elder Lawyer to split their assets. She is entitled to 50% of assets. As a Community Spouse she gets to stay in the home and receive enough of their monthly income to live on.
Hiding money only creates more issues and prolongs his much needed alternative care to relieve the stress on you, stepmother and neighbors. I would begin to give your stepmother a loving talk (fake it if you need to) about your desire to help her but you need her to be forthcoming with all financial information. And go together to an eldercare lawyer so he/she can reassure her.
Also, as POA you are and will be responsible for him until he passes on. It's not a one and done responsibility to get him in a facility.
So my point is Step Mum may need real help in understanding the costs and impact. It's part of being a couple. Very tough reality. Either escape from it, work with your step Mum n Dad with no expectations about inheritance, or it sounds too late for your Dad to divorce for lack of support like my Uncle did at 85 years. Best wishes.
Thanks for being responsive to our comments.
You have a serious problem on your hands here.
You are POA, and stepmom hold the assets of the marriage and hold them secret.
Honestly you cannot function this way.
You also respond to us that stepmom has MOVED all assets into her name.
I almost hope so, because then your dad is indigent and can get get help of the government for payment for care, and stepmom won't lose her assets (as she surely would otherwise. Only about 100,000 of assets can be kept for the well spouse.
I would say you have a serious serious problem. You are POA but cannot apply for Medicaid because you cannot get financial records. Step mom is marriage to him but doesn't want him in care taking mutual assets.
This is a mess, and I can't see how you can handle it. You may legally need to resign your POA, and give over guardianship to the state if step mom won't be guardian and you can't house and manage your dad.
This is one of the worst quandaries I have seen on AC. I can only say this. You need an attorney. I do not see how a lay person can possibly handle this.
I sure wish you the best of luck and I sure hope you update us as to what you manage to do here. It's a terrible shame that you and Stepmom cannot work together to get him placed and help manage her portion of the assets, but the laws as they are written will want to take her assets she needs for her own likely oncoming care needs.
She cannot easily get IRS records
She cannot easily get old bank statements for accounts in step mom's control.
She honestly cannot get almost anything she needs to get him qualified for Medicaid alone.
So it isn't true. Step mom has apparently already been emptying accounts he is on and there's little she can do about this if they are in Dad and Stepmom's name. This is a very complicated problem she has. I sure wouldn't want it on my plate.