She has one problem after the other. It's really getting to me. Do I start letting her solve her own problems if she can. As long as it's not making phone calls since she is extremely hard of hearing. Or a detrement to her staying alive or physical health in the imidiant future? Sometimes she asks for help, too often. Sometimes she just complains to me of the problem. But I feel bad for her.
Barbara
You ask her what she sees as solutions for some of these problems, but be prepared to also suggest what someone other than you can step in to do to help.
That's basically what I've had to do. Some problems just can't be solved, and other's aren't critical to life, limb, health and safety.
If she's not open to help, then the approach may have to be different. If she's really struggling due to mental decline or dementia, then your suggestions may not be accepted. Then you may have to just take care of matters without her input. Hopefully, you have Durable POA.
Don't offer to solve her problems. Ask " what would you like me to do mom" and then decide if you can do that. If you can't , then say " no, sorry, I can't do that".
Here is what to remember: her problems are *her* problems. Some will be solvable. Others won't. Take a step back, see which category whatever she is complaining about falls into, and proceed accordingly: assist with the solvable problems, sympathise with the rest.
And then, ultimately, if she begins to need more help and support than you are able/willing to provide, look for other resources.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself, too. Because the constant wearing away can get you into a serious depression before you realise it and that makes it very hard to keep your perspective. As a first step, award yourself some pampering.