My wife & I bought my 92 y/o Dad's house with the stipulation he could live with us as long as he wants, and that he was not to use his power tools in the house as my wife has problems breathing when saw dust in air. About 4 yrs ago, he lost balance & fell into the table saw and almost cut his fingers off. We came home 1 day after running errands & he was using the saw & planer, putting dust in air. Told him to stop, he refused. Wife said she would cut the cord. He threatened to kill her. He always carries a 357 revolver everywhere. Luckily, he had left it on the saw table when the confrontation began & I took it & hid it. I removed all guns from the house. For 2 weeks, he keeps asking for it back. He apologized & said he'd never hurt my wife, but I don't trust him.
'Should I give Dad back his gun?'--> No
I'm all for gun rights, but the moment such a statement is made, in any context, that person should not have a gun. He might see it as a punishment, but in reality, it's a favor.
Believe me, I am all for someone being able to have guns to protect themselves.
But I draw the line with someone who is even remotely unstable.
I've always planned on getting one (with practice first) for living alone and being able to protect myself. And even bought a cool "hidden drawer" shelf for it (still in the box). But my youngest (adult) daughter who continues to live with me is totally against it. And I respect that.
I didn't know this until years later. When she was young and in college, she had a boyfriend for awhile who apparently had become very depressed, and at one point she wrestled him to get his gun away from him. (He wound up getting through it and I met him and his grandmother a year or two later when I was with my daughter shopping and so was he.... he was getting married!)
I can't imagine her being faced with that ever, let alone when she was not even 20 yet. So, no, once he made any kind of threat, or showed difficulty making decisions or any other signs of mental decline, I would never, never return the gun.
Our elderly parents eventually behave like small children. Parents who give small children access to firearms could personally face murder charges — it is only a matter of time before this applies for elderly dependents also.
This statement by your dad to your wife, in this context, is enough to get her a protective order. You should consider removing your dad from the house to protect your wife physically and emotionally. (If you take away the guns, he may come after her with a different weapon - a knife? A rock?) His irrational behavior should be intolerable to you.
Your dad’s temper along with his lack of control and unwillingness to follow directions could lead to a terrible tragedy.
If he gets angry with you, you could be in danger as well.
of the handguns he has ready access to. I left one loaded with dummy rounds and had the gunsmith file down the firing pin. He feels happy it is still there and I feel happy knowing he's not going to cause an unfortunate incident.
Power tools should no longer be available to him. They are a real danger to him at this time in his life. I'm thinking of something else to occupy his time and energy. Just can't think of anything right now, but there are very smart, clever people on this forum who may be able to suggest some engaging activities for your father.
God be with you and Shalom! 💜🕊💜
My husband has never done or said anything like that, and he is a life member of the NRA. However, because of his Alzheimer's, I have all the guns locked up in 3 safes and he does not know the combinations. I think I have all the guns locked up that is. I keep looking in my spare time, about 6 months ago I found a musket loader and even though it is an antique, I put it in a safe also.
On the table saw thing, ours is in the garage. After almost cutting off his finger twice, I unplugged it, he plugged it back in. I put a construction type lock on the end, he cut it off. I unplugged it and cut the plug off, he put another one on. I gave up. He has stopped trying to make stuff and hasn't used it in over 2 years. Anyone who blithly tells me to get rid of it or his other tools has absolutely no idea what they are talking about me implementing.
Power tools are also very dangerous on the hands of someone who can become paranoid, hallucinate or just become disoriented. It’s all very sad.
I placed my mother when her actions presented a threat to me and my family; it wasn't personal, it was just about self-preservation and wanting my children to live a full lifetime.
A senior center near where I live has a woodworking shop. You might see if there is some place nearby he could go to to practice his woodworking skills and socialize with other people.
You have repeatedly told how you have verbally and psychologically abused seniors, encouraging others to do the same.
I'm sorry but I have never told or encouraged anyone to behave psychologically or verbally abusive to anyone at any age. You are wrong and way out of line to say that I do.
You're not hitting a nerve with me, so don't worry. Having been in my line of work for so many years, it takes a lot to hit a nerve with me.
You are really hitting below the belt here and clearly that is in desperation to do some damage control on how ridiculous you're being.
I have been a professional caregiver for almost 25 years. I have never verbally abused anyone. I have never been fired from a caregiver position either. On my last long-term assignment that I was full-time for seven years, all of us were replaced by cheaper help. Not because they were dissatisfied with the care. Not that I have to justify my work history to you because I don't. Nor do I value your opinion. Most of the time you don't make sense. I value the opinions of others here and my own. I also value and respect my long history as a caregiver. That's why I'm responding to you.
It is not verbal abuse to raise your voice or to use a bit of language to get a situation under control or to get done the work that is necessary to get done. Most of the time a homecare worker is on their own in a house and there is no one to assist, so that one caregiver has to maintain control of a situation.
Having been a caregiver (mostly to elderly) for so many years I can say for a fact that the caregivers who don't tolerate abuse from clients or allow themselves to become players in a care recipient's games or dramas are the ones who provide the best quality care. This is so because they keep a handle on things. Caregivers like me know how to give a person what they need even if it's not what they want. Sometimes that isn't always a pleasant experience for the caregiver or their care recipient. Sometimes it's necessary though.
I don't know if you have experience with being an in-home caregiver. If you do, then you would not make such comments.
If you truly believe that a 92-year-old (with a history of threatening to kill his DIL) should be allowed to have a gun, then maybe you should visit your doctor and be tested for dementia yourself.