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Satoshi, one must remember with dementia/Alzheimer's the brain isn't working correctly. Thus, correcting a person becomes a never ending task. Easier to just agree as before you know it, the subject matter is totally forgotten for the time being.
You're quite right. Accept reality as it's, don't allow to be mislead in believing that you can perform miracles. You can't reconnect a broken brain by using this or that method.
As a rule, it's not a good idea to correct an elder who has dementia when they are wrong about something. I guess it also depends on WHAT they're wrong about, though, if they're insisting that you've murdered their dog or something...........that may require a 'correction'.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips for you to use when dealing with mom nowadays:
The “Dont's” · Do not reason and argue · Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve · Do not demand that they remember · Do not demand that they get their facts straight · Do not correct their ideas or scold them · Do not reorient them · Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose · Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to · Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care · Do not act with impatience
The "Do's" · Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world' · Be aware of their mood or state of mind · Use few words and simple phrases · OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions · Do everything slowly · Approach from the front · Wait for a slow response · Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK' · Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment · Maximize use of remaining abilities · Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real · Maintain privacy · Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs · Use short words · Use clear and simple sentences · Speak slowly and calmly · Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer · Talk about one thing at a time · Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas · Use common phrases · Always say what you are doing · If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information · Wait patiently for a response · Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words · Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs · Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive · Reassure with your tone and manner · Do one thing at a time · Talk through the care “play-by- play” · Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance · Be sincere · Use a soft, soothing touch · Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers · Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them · They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression” · If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
A good book to read is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!
Wishing you the best of luck with all that's going on.
Well.. each day & each topic will differ. So it will be many small decisions, rather than a yes/no answer in my opinion.
So you can go mad waisting your breath trying to correct Mother with reason.
Or you can go mad agreeing with non-sensicle statements.
Or you can accept what is, this moment, with humour & peace. Accept this new version of your Mother. Still her, but with some wear & tear to her brain cells.
A painting that came to life & took things in the night was a story that made sense to a lady I met. It still makes me smile 😊.
You can correct her a million times, but she will continue making the same mistakes. Her brain is unable to learn anymore. This is something you need to accept. Her brain is slowly shutting down regardless of your attempts to help her.
This is the sad truth. I’ve stopped trying to correct my dad on his errors. It’s pointless and hurts both you and your LO. His brain is dying and it can’t be reversed.
Satoshi - correcting someone with dementia is an exercise in futility and aggravation.
I had tried this with my mother who had Alz. I even recorded her saying what she later denied, and she still didn't believe her own voice. It was NO use.
I never try to correct my mom's distorted "reality," with one exception: she doesn't get to slander friends and family. Yes, I know it's futile, but I cannot stand by and let her make horrible accusations. When she says things like "George stole my hearing aids" or "Mary poisoned my dog," I gently say, "Oh, Mom, that's not like George. He'd never steal your things." Or, "Mom, you know Mary loved Max! Max died of old age."
No, it doesn't change her mind one iota. But it makes me feel better!
She cannot reason any longer. Whatever you say will make no sense to her and embarrass and agitate her. It will frustrate you and agitate you, as well.
Learn to live with it. Learn that her having correct information is not that important. What is important is that you learn to accept and live with her diminishing capabilities.
The disease is taking over the brain. It is the disease talking now. Of course every now and then the person shines through, but that ebbs away as more and more of the brain is comprimised, taken over by dememtia/Alzheimers. So I watch as my husband changes, tells me things that aren't true, can't find his glasses that are sitting on top of his head, and enjoy those moments when we may have a few easily shared thoughts together. It can be hard to not correct, or become overwhelmed by dementia, unless you've willingly trained in the medical profession to deal with this disease, who on earth is prepared for this? A good friend told me this years ago, "roll with it, or it rolls over you". Unless things have gotten totally out of control, I just let go of the illusion of control and it keeps my husband's stress levels much more manageable too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips for you to use when dealing with mom nowadays:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
A good book to read is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!
Wishing you the best of luck with all that's going on.
So you can go mad waisting your breath trying to correct Mother with reason.
Or you can go mad agreeing with non-sensicle statements.
Or you can accept what is, this moment, with humour & peace. Accept this new version of your Mother. Still her, but with some wear & tear to her brain cells.
A painting that came to life & took things in the night was a story that made sense to a lady I met. It still makes me smile 😊.
I had tried this with my mother who had Alz. I even recorded her saying what she later denied, and she still didn't believe her own voice. It was NO use.
No, it doesn't change her mind one iota. But it makes me feel better!
She cannot reason any longer. Whatever you say will make no sense to her and embarrass and agitate her. It will frustrate you and agitate you, as well.
Learn to live with it. Learn that her having correct information is not that important. What is important is that you learn to accept and live with her diminishing capabilities.
So I watch as my husband changes, tells me things that aren't true, can't find his glasses that are sitting on top of his head, and enjoy those moments when we may have a few easily shared thoughts together. It can be hard to not correct, or become overwhelmed by dementia, unless you've willingly trained in the medical profession to deal with this disease, who on earth is prepared for this?
A good friend told me this years ago, "roll with it, or it rolls over you". Unless things have gotten totally out of control, I just let go of the illusion of control and it keeps my husband's stress levels much more manageable too.