This family claims they bought a townhome next door because the father is dying and it will be a place for their mother to live after he’s gone. Sort of a downsizing; however, over a brief amount of time it has become apparent that she has something going on mentally. I’ve heard them arguing through the walls and on the back patio that now that she can’t take care of him. They think she’s had three strokes since moving in. Didn’t see that coming I’m sure, but now they really need help. They do not want to put them in a facility because they’ll be separated. There is at least one family member less than five minutes away so he claims. They come and go with each catastrophe that happens but don’t stay or move in. Now the neighbor with mental issues is claiming that I’m harassing her when in fact it’s the other way around. I hear her yelling at the family members all the time through the walls. I get yelled at when she’s on her back patio and I’m trying to enjoy my patio, I get yelled at in the front yard because when I’m taking photos of some yardwork I’ve done to send to my mom who wanted to see them she claims I was photographing her property. She went to the police and convinced them I was and I got a visit from a sheriffs detective saying not to go over there which I dont except for a few prior times like taking the mail that ended up in my mailbox for them and when I heard her husband through the wall crying out for her at least a half a dozen times. I went over to let her know he was yelling for her. She slammed the door in my face. I won’t be going over there at all because now this cluster is affecting my life dramatically. The visit from the officer was a wake up call that they don’t appreciate nor care about my peace of mind. Please don’t suggest talking to the son and daughter. They know exactly what’s going on. They’ve never been nice to me at all. The son butchered my shrubs along the driveway the day before I had someone coming to cut them back and give them more room in their driveway (the mother knew, but now says she didn’t have that conversation). I volunteered to walk their dog for free after their daughter asked me if I could help and she never followed throug. Basically, my assessment of the situation not being a professional is that someone needs to be living with them 24/7 or they need to be in a facility. They are driving me nuts and now I realize having a conversation with the mother and the daughter and a son is pointless. They know what’s truly going on and are pointing their fingers at me? Help :(
If their mail is put in your box write on it "delivered to wrong address" and place it back in your box. The post office will deliver it to the correct address next time. DO not place anything in their mail box or go onto their property.
If you have an HOA bring some of your concerns about noise to the attention of the HOA, if it is a violation they will notify the residents.
Do not walk their dog for free of for payment.
I guess bottom line is back off...have as little to do with them as possible.
If you truly think they are in danger, if there are VALID reasons that can be proven that they can not safely live alone contact APS but do not make that call if the concerns are not valid. If you make calls for no reason when there is a real concern they may not take the call seriously.
It's always nice to be a good neighbor, but you've already assessed the situation and see where it's going. Jump out of the way and avoid the crash. It's coming.
If you can stay COMPLETELY out of it that is then what I would do. Make recordings, though and keep a diary. Push may come to shove. This is likely a self-correcting thing in that the family IS nearby, likely IS frantic about what can be done about this, and likely IS upset.
Are other neighbors affected? This isn't a condo, with a condo association I am assuming? Sorry, other than a violent couple with guns moving in this is next up for just what you don't want next door, and it's likely to only get worse. Wish I had better news.
Go about your life as if they do not exist.
This is not your drama, It's theirs! Don't make it yours! Do not contact the family. Do not help them. No contact. Ignore.
I know it's hard, but you need to protect yourself and that's the only way you can do it, other than moving. And, more than likely - if this escalates - you will be the one who winds up moving.
Edited to add: I am speaking from my 10 years experience as a 911 Dispatcher.
Things are going to escalate and this woman's children will have to do something. Poor man, he is dying and no one seems to care.
Imho You want whatever concerns to flow from the HOA; they have the authority to make them move. Where you live oh so does not want to have itself known as a place where the those with dementia wander about at will, yell for help or where fire department has to be called regularly as 1 spouse cannot be picked up by the other. Once HOA has a series of incidents like this on paper, your neighbors will have to move. The old lady knows how to “show dog” to police and authorities but she won’t be able to keep up the facade and HOA will have to act on getting them out.
Also please go to any HOA meetings and if there is a garden club or other civic group within your HoA, please join it. Even if that’s so not your personality. It will enable you to quietly shape the narrative on getting them booted.
Really look at you own HOA agreement, Betcha it’s got old school type of covenants which allow for HOA to get them to move under safety and security of themselves AND other residents type of clause.
As an aside on this drama, Anon321 a ? for you, any idea IF the child (a Son, I bet) that bought the townhome bought it 100% with their $ entirely OR bought it with the parents $? Just spitballin’ here but I’d be wondering if the Son did this as a way to move parents $ into a new asset that is in-theory exempt for LTC Medicaid. Most of the time, having elderly at the edge of needing a facility buying a new house not a good idea; usually kids want to have the parents downsize to IL or AL with services provided so that there is no upkeep or maintenance anymore & have $$$ on hand to private pay for care later on when needed. Something abt the financials sounds odd to me.
The HOA is aware and no help at all. Should I go silent or continue to keep the HOA updates. FYI: the neighbors real estate agent is on the board and, I believe, supporting them:(
There is a lot that’s fishy. The fire department is always in here picking seniors up off the floor, etc. etc. etc. Could they be trying to build a case to oust me? 🤷♀️🤦♀️
They have:
1) stolen a shepherds hook prior
2) park in my driveway/block my driveway
3) let their dog run free and don’t pick up it’s messes
4) rang my doorbell and thanked me for things and rang my doorbell to yell at me
5) there’s more…
Dont remember seeing anything in covenants RE: moving, etc… I don’t know about the financials; however, the real estate/board member is always moving in elders that don’t make it here long. It’s a racquet, I believe. A very sick and sad racquet…but very profitable for him and the board.
They expect you to be neighborly towards them when they aren’t the least bit concerned about being neighborly with you.
Life is too short to waste your time on your neighbor’s nonsense.
Check with your town police department to see if you need to register your cameras once installed. And you are under no obligation to inform your neighbors of these cameras.
When they yell at you, make a note of the date and time and after a few instances, call the police and report them for harassment. Hope that helps to get them moved out and into appropriate care settings.
As others have said, do not have contact with any of them. Should anyone ask you for help just say "No" and walk away. And note the date and time they contacted you.
I woukd stick with working with the HOA. They have far greater powers and latitude than the police. And a greater stake in a good outcome.
Loose dogs (owners & guests). Not picking up poop. throwing poop in the woods behind our home. Stealing a shepherds hook from our rear area. Cutting our bushes along their driveway without permission. Parking in our driveway without permission (visitors). Blocking our driveway (owners & guests).Throwing poop bags at our front door that I had given her the day before…
Any HOA complaints are supposed to be in confidentialities but the HOA has told him each and every time it’s me
It had been my determination initially that she was a liar based on so many lies that she’s told but now I’m starting to wonder if it’s dementia or not…
Your neighbor sounds like a pain in the a**.
I would be upset with your HOA. What a disappointment they are!
I like your idea of printing photos as evidence. It’s interesting that the police didn’t want to see your Ring footage.
Look at how Amazon delivery thefts have been caught on camera. A picture is worth a thousand words. Keep a record of these incidents.
Sadly, even if you do ignore her antics, she may continue being a bother to you.
Many of us have dealt with annoying neighbors. I allowed my neighbor to use my vacuum cleaner because her vacuum cleaner broke.
She returned the vacuum to me. A few moments later she asked me to look through the vacuum cleaner bag to see if I could find her earring that she might have vacuumed up. LOL 😆. I took the bag off and told her that I was allergic to dust but she was perfectly welcome to look through the bag herself.
Another time she borrowed eggs, then flour, then butter, etc. I asked her, “Do you want me to bake your cake for you?” Hahaha 🤣
Then there was the old woman who was hunched over in the street. When I asked her what she was doing? She replied, “Weeding the cracks in the street.” I was quite taken aback with that one!
Good luck in resolving this issue
If you think she is a danger to herself and others, you could anonymously call The Office of Adult Services. They focus on the needs of the elderly and vulnerable adults.
If you think she is a danger to herself and others, you could anonymously call The Office of Adult Services. They focus on the needs of the elderly and vulnerable adults.
For now, try to ignore their parking issues and cutting shrubs, etc...in the long run, these are incidentals. Chances are, this is a temporary living situation for them - and life is way too short for getting involved or bothered over their issues. They're obviously going thru stress over life changes and health crisis, so, it's best to let others live and you do the same - with your life. That way, nothing escalates.
And, I don't recommend ever walking their dogs - it's setting you up for problems if anything happened while walking them.
It sounds to me that this family feels that you've overstepped yourself and are too involved in their situation - so, just ignore - go about your life...and hopefully the situation will resolve itself because there'll be nothing left to consider.
You can move, or wait for them to die or be transported for help by 911.
There are other neighbors nearby who may be experiencing the same or similar as you. Let them handle it. Let them complain. You say nothing, stay out of it.
Because of what has already transpired, you stay out of it completely.
Secure your privacy and quiet from inside your home.
You can put up a wall unit on the wall that connects your home.
Play a radio 24/7 near that wall.
Keep certain windows closed.
Move to a room furthest away from their adjoining wall.
Just pick up the poo and discard it. Do not react or return any rudeness or hostility. Do not correct them. Keep your hedge trimmed on both sides, not giving them a chance to cut your hedge at all. If the HOA does not maintain the gardening and maintenance, hire a gardener, tell him not to dispute anything with the neighbors.
Do wear highly visible headphones outside, pretending you don't hear anything.
Try doing nothing for all of March. See what happens.
In your case, I wouldn't have anything else to do with them. They sound like neighbors from a horror movie.
How can you respect them as neighbors when they don’t give a damn about anyone else but themselves?
I doubt that you would ever want to be ‘friendly’ with these people but it would be nice just to be able to live in peace.
I certainly would not want to live next door to them. They are the type of people that can’t be reasoned with and like to stir up trouble just for fun.
I wish that I had a good answer for you. I can only imagine how frustrating this situation is.
How long has this craziness been going on? It’s sad that neither your HOA, or the police have handled this situation properly.
Good luck with resolving this matter.
Here's what you should start doing. Install a couple of cameras on the outside of your place. You're dealing with mentally incompetent elders living alone and their family members who from what you say are totally indifferent to it. So who knows what they might try to pull concerning you or your property? Get the cameras. The family members are not lying and conniving to keep their elderly LO's at home because they don't want to split them up. On the contrary, the most likely reason is because they don't want to see the new townhouse and any other potential inheritance go directly to a nursing home. Next, every time your neighbor so much as looks at you or makes the slightest comment, you call the police. It is beyond my understanding why the police believe what you describe as a person who clearly has dementia over a rational adult like yourself. You should still go and talk to the police and ask them to make a wellness check on them because there's an old woman with dementia trying to care for a demented elderly invalid who is dying and is not coping. Tell the police that either they contact Adult Protective Services (APS) or you will. Tell them that you fear retaliation from the family and do not know what your mentally ill neighbor with dementia is capable of, but that you will call APS anyway.
You kind of have already tried, or feel it best not to try in the case of APS most ideas of ours including calls to APS (you can request being anonymous, but given your history with this family they will likely make the guess). So you are left with sendhelps advice I think.
I still suggest recordings (for all the use they are in court which is not much) and diaries of the disturbances.
Sure do wish you luck and hope you will update us in future.
You don't have to fear the family finding out that it was you who called APS. This is why I told you to go to the police and ask them to do a wellness check on your neighbors. If you tell the police that you fear retaliation from the family they will divert the attention away from you. An anonymous call to APS can also be made. You tell them the same thing about the fear of retaliation from the neighbor's family.
As I said in the comments, get some outside cameras on your property. If your neighbor or her family get cute, you file for a restraining order. You'll get one.
The daughter approached me about helping (paid). I offered to do it for free as I’ve done that sort of thing in my neighborhood before if I have the time (broken ankles, emergencies, etc). I’m a professional pet sitter. I don’t stalk my neighbors for work. Never have. Never will.
Yes. Out of nowhere she asked late one night after coming to my door after a recent crisis nextdoor in December. You sound like the detective? She said she heard I was a pet sitter… I’m not dwelling on it. I have no desire to get involved. Just recently a couple of other dog walkers asked me to help with an elderly patients dog in an assisted living facility and I bailed, respectfully, as the owner couldn’t keep track of the schedule and wandered out to walk the dog after accusing me of not showing up. Huge liability. Told the other walkers I’m sorry but no can do…
Oh. It’s yelling when she’s mad. Her favorite phrase that she also used on me is “Why are you being so mean to me?” That’s what I hear a lot through the walls…
“Anon - did you "volunteer" to help with the dog - as stated in your initial profile summary...or now you said you "agreed after the daughter asked you to help"?
Out of nowhere, she just asked You to help their parent's dog? It's kind of strange to ask a favor like that to a neighbor they barely know, but if that's the case, then she obviously changed her mind since then, so that's not something you need to dwell on.
And is the woman neighbor yelling or maybe they're hard of hearing and are loud talkers, like a lot of elderly people and it sounds like yelling thru the wall...? Just a thought. But whatever it is, if you can, try to distance yourself and change your focus.”
I had unfollowed your thread.
So sorry for the confusion over what I had advised.
I will answer your question here....
Your question was:
"Do you mind if I ask you what the reasoning is for wearing highly visible noise canceling headphones and what do you expect to be the case at the end of March?".
1) Wear highly visible headphones SO THAT you can pretend you do not hear them talking to you when you go outside. The neighbors will see the headphones, and understand that you do not respond to them because you likely cannot hear them. Then, they won't take offense. And hopefully, will not try to talk to you.
I did not say "noise cancelling" headphones. I would want to hear, but not respond to neighbors such as this. So I suggest you buy a brightly colored pair of headphones at a yard sale, remove something or put a hole in them so you really can hear what they say. But so that the neighbors think you cannot hear them.
2) No one can predict what the end of March will bring. If you are going no contact with your crazy neighbors for 31 days, you may learn just how dangerous they are to you personally; you may have learned by then if there is any chance that you may have been a part of the misunderstanding; and you may have learned just how much the activity of the crazy neighbors you can ignore and tolerate, SO THAT you can live there more comfortably at an impasse.
It is so very distressing to be at odds with neighbors, and you are not alone in having this issue. It is not your fault.
I hope this fully answers your question to me. I cannot even say how this situation with your neighbors can ruin or interfere with your quiet enjoyment of your own home.
BTW, if you need to sue them, as so often happens in a neighbor dispute, these are the words you use: The neighbors have interfered with your quiet enjoyment of your home and property.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney; not an expert.
Since I overheard that argument RE: her having three strokes and a dementia diagnosis, can APS or the police access those medical records to confirm I’m telling the truth? Or is it he said/she said/hearsay? I want this thing cleared up and the no trespassing notice reversed. NOT because I want to go over there. Trust me. I just want it off of my shoulders. I feel like I have an elephant on my chest… Neighbors, etc. witnessed the “talking to” of the investigator to me and are treating me differently (ignoring me). I don’t like grapevines, etc. and this bothers me greatly:(
The exception might be if a lawyer requested medical records in the event of a law suit.
So sorry Anonymous321, but you are not qualified to determine if your elderly neighbors shouldn't be living alone. Even if you know better. And, hope this does not offend you, but
the truth is it is not your business.
Obey the no trespassing order.
Go no contact.
At this point, the goal should be getting the vulnerable neighbors care, but by someone else, not you.
The goal is not to prove if you are telling the truth. Can you stay out of it?
Move on, enjoy your life.
Please don't take offense at what I'm going to say to you in this comment. Know that it is in the spirit of friendship and respect for you and this group.
You're mentioning now another neighbor who has harassed you.
I think your neighbors may not be the cause of all these problems.
You may be.
I don't believe that you couldn't have friends, family, or contractors come to your house because this other neighbor harassed them too.
Contractors don't care about your neighbors. They will do the work because that's their business and how they eat.
I went in and out of people's homes for 25 years as an in-home caregiver. You think a harassing neighbor or some old biddy ever kept me from my clients? No. Your neighbors are not the reason why your friends, family, or hired contractors don't come to your house either.
I've had care clients over the years who lived in some rough places and had weirdo neighbors around or homes that had the weird adult child who lives in the client's home but doesn't work and isn't a caregiver to them. So, I've seen it all.
Anyone steps up to me or if I feel at all threatened, someone got tased or pepper sprayed depending on which one I was favoring that day.
I'm sorry but I can't believe that you were physically assaulted by your neighbor behind your house and the police did nothing. Why was there no restraining order issued? Did you call them when this attack happened? Did you sustain any injuries from the attack? Did you get medical attention?
Ignore whatever chats the old fools are having about you. Leave them to it. Let them talk as they like.
If they verbally threaten you, go to the cops. If this neighbor who allegedly attacked you in the past, tries to put her hands on you again, get a taser or some pepper spray and take it with you whenever you go outside your house.
Wow. Is there a way to share photos/videos/etc. on this forum?
I don’t care if you believe me or not.
I've seen it all, too, as a professional pet sitter who is in/out of peoples homes…365/24/7; however, this is a targeted approach called blackballing/black listing. Apparently, you have no experience with that…
There was a restraining order obtained. it was in place when she attacked me. She has legal experience. She always walks a fine line…before that day.
To keep my parents off of the stand, I agreed to make it mutual, so she could return home to another state for a medical issue at the time ASAP.
Yes they were called. My mother was a witness and the woman threatened to take her down, too. Yes I had injuries as was noted by one of the officers that responded. I got medical advice RE: the injuries the very next morning.
I’m done for now…
Everyone knows that while you absolutely did the correct thing by obtaining a restraining order, it’s only a piece of paper.
As you know, it certainly won’t prevent someone from harassing or harming you.
It’s awful to have to deal with this kind of situation. I’m so sorry you are in this position.
I hope this matter is resolved soon.