Mom is currently living at my sister's because she has physically hurt me when she's angry. She's a handful. I'm guilt ridden that my sister has to bare the burden. Mom has a caregiver during the day seven days a week until the money runs out and then Medicaid will cover 40 hours a week. Mom doesn't sit and constantly tries to walk and falls. You turn your back for a second and she's up. Her feet just don't want to work and she's angry all the time. She doesn't sleep much at night and gets out of bed, therefore my sister is on alert. No facility will take her due to her behavior and being a fall risk. Caregivers have no rights. I live 45 minutes away and relieve my sister when she's off work 3 days a week for a couple hours, but I feel so guilty that my sister is not getting rest. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Like Geaton said below, she was NOT kicked out of her previous memory care because of her falling, but because she is violent. Pretty much everyone with dementia fall a lot, but not all are violent.
Her doctor should be able to help you find the right medications to help her and then get a social worker to help you find the right memory care for her.
Your moms care is now WAY too much for your sister or anyone else, but trained professionals.
My FIL fell MULTIPLE times in the 8 months he was in SNF. Each time they pivoted and adjusted their plan for him to make things safer - but people are going to fall - you can't prevent it entirely.
The more likely scenario is exactly what you described happened to you - you say she physically HURT you when she was angry. THAT can and will get someone removed from residential care if it is not remediated - because THAT risk is a danger to other residents and staff alike. She needs to be assessed and potentially medicated for her potential for violent outbursts and rage. And if that is under control - it is likely that another facility would consider admitting her.
What do you think would have happened in that case?
Mom would be in care. She would be medicated. She would in all likelihood have falls. Often for our ill elders falls are the beginning of the end. The end would come.
No child can be forced to care for a parent.
I am sorry that your sister took on this care. I am happy that you refused to do so, for whatever reasons.
Were I your sister I would take mother to the ER and leave her there as a "social admit". I would resign any POA/guardianship I may have through an attorney (which must be done because mom isn't competent to receive any resignation nor appoint another to her care). I would request state guardianship and say I am no longer physically, mentally nor emotionally able to care for someone who is total care 24/7. If I had to get psychologists letters to prove that I would get them and have them with me.
These are the hard, cold, simple facts as they would stand for me.
I honestly have no answers otherwise.
I cannot imagine being a slave/a prisoner to giving care in this manner. I do not see how it is survived.
Your mother should be medicated now, and placed in a safety bed such as they exist. Some have a simple netting around the frame that prevents leaving the bed until it is unzipped. As an RN that's my personal opinion. The quality of such a life is abysmal. It is basically being an animal trapped in a cage.
Other option?
Perhaps better is the simply allowing your mother to have her way, which will lead to falls, and falls are, as pneumonia was once (before antibiotics), the "old person's friend" as they used to say of things that took people to the peace of death.
I honestly have no good answers for you. As you and Sis have learned so well, not everything has an answer.
People get old and very often, they fall. They'll fall if they're home or in a NH. I think that the fact she's 'difficult' is what got her sent 'home'.
I'd re-place her and make sure she has meds to regulate her moods. Once my MIL became violent, the in home cared stopped almost immediately.
Good Luck if this is the way you choose to go.
Find another Memory Care Assisted Living residence for mom and some relaxation meds to calm her down a bit.