Thats the problem. I would never be able to get a mortgage to pay my sister her share of the house. Would t be better when my mother dies for me to just contest the will on the grounds it would create a financial hardship for me. I am disabled (62) live with my Mother. My sister who lives in Florida with her husband has never had to worry about Mom (who is a diabetic), because I have always looked out for her, making sure her sugar never goes too high or low, I cook most of the meals, but am limited as far as other chores go as I have a congenital heart defect and pulmonary hypertension. My mother is also leaving us both money, and I could probably give my sister my share, but then I'm left with nothing, and I face cardiac surgery in the future, and I have no supplemental insurance to fall back on. My sister already has a home in Florida, I don't know why my mother has to leave her house to both of us. It's creating a lot of stress for me, which I don't need. Does anyone have any advice?
Whatever assets are your Mom's are HERS. It's her decision how it is distributed - her motivations are really nobody's business.
The practicalities are these: the OP's mother has an opportunity to see that on her passing the distribution of her capital can provide a reasonable level of security for both of her daughters; the disadvantage - which may be a deal-breaker or may not, depending on her feelings - being that it would involve giving one more than the other. But she's not the figure of Justice, sitting blind-folded with a set of scales in her hand. She can see what lies ahead, and what the different needs of them are. She can do something about it if she chooses to. I don't see anything wrong with putting that to her in the right way, while still leaving the choice absolutely up to her.
Have you discussed your concerns with your mother? Has she explained her reasoning about the will? If she is of sound mind, she can change it at any point, you know.
My personal view, and one I often express here, is that the child who is doing the caring should be compensated for that while it is occurring. It makes no sense to me to put that off until after the parent's death. For one thing, there is seldom a large estate to leave to anyone after a chronic illness.
So, you do certain things to care for your mother, and because of your own health there are certain other things you cannot do. How is your mother compensating you for the care you provide? Are you living there rent-free? Does she buy the groceries? Who pays utilities? If she is compensating you in these way, and you accept that as fair, then she doesn't "owe" you more than she owes your sister when she dies. If the way the household expenses are handled does not satisfy her "debt" to you for your caregiving, then that is what you need to work out now. Perhaps she should be paying you a monthly amount (that you could tuck away for future needs). Or perhaps she should change the way the household expenses are paid, to give you more in that area.
I do think that when one child does a lot of work and other children are not involved, that one child should be fairly compensated for it, not in a will, but in the present. (That may mean there is less to distribute in a will. So be it.) I don't know enough about your circumstances to guess whether you are fairly compensated.
I think you need a better plan than contesting the will. I can't imagine what the grounds would be.
Now, if mom has other assets in cash or insurance, it's always possible you will inherit enough from her other assets to buy your sister's share of the house and have ownership. Do you have enough income to pay the real estate taxes, insurance, electricity, heat, etc etc?
So,eti,Es we have to be careful what we wish for.
I would add a caveat, if Mom is adamant that there be no changes the subject needs to be dropped permanently, and using their living circumstances to exert undue pressure on mom through fear of reprisals is of course totally inappropriate.
I would think about investigating alternate sources such as subsidized housing so that you can plan for your own life without anticipating staying in your mother's house after she passes, especially since you won't have the resources to buy out your sister's share. So keeping your mother's house just doesn't seem like a feasible option.
And whether it is fair or not, it is your mother's choice how to divide her property. Another concern is that your post is slanted toward what's the best for you, rather than for your mother as well as concern that I would expect you to have for her. I'm not saying you don't have it; it's just not coming through in your post.
If you sister were to buy out your share, however, you would have funds to support yourself and perhaps better your living situation.
The options aren't 100% desirable either way, but ask yourself what's the most realistic? Trying to eventually keep up a house with multiple physical issues as well as the burden of a possible mortgage, homeowners insurance, home repair, etc., or allowing your sister to buy you out which provides a financial source which can help you maintain an acceptable level of living given your physical disabilities?
If you are caring for your mom I think you have a case for asking for a greater share of the inheritance. Sit down with your mom and calmly explain your concerns and what you feel is fair. Of course, if she ever needs to go into a nursing home then there may not be any estate to worry about, if you are willing and able to prevent that then that only strengthens your case.
I feel for your situation, and the awkwardness of it, and the conflict between common fairness - the 50:50 split, as your mother instinctively sees it - and actually equitable treatment as it applies to your and your sister's different circumstances.
The solution involves a highly delicate piece of diplomacy: asking your mother to consider what the future holds for each of her daughters, and to think what she can do to ensure that you are both taken care of according to your different needs. And the difficulty is that, if you introduce the subject, it necessarily gets off on the wrong foot.
So… Can you think of anyone you might ask to raise this with your mother? Someone who knows all of the family, will understand your point of view, and is trusted well enough by all of you to act as a kind of broker?
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