I am so frustrated. My mom (mid-stage Alzheimer's) lives on Social Security and has very little money left in any IRA or 401K. She lives with me and in addition to paying the mortgage and utilities, I help buy her food and pay for her cell phone bill. She keeps writing checks to all of these sketchy political organizations and charities. The more checks she writes, the more requests for money she gets. She writes about 5 checks a month. I took her checks away, and she finds more checks. I just don't know what to do! I tell her, she may have a small amount of money right now, but eventually she is going to run out. Then I'm going to have to pay for more stuff for her. And I am less and less willing to do that if she keeps giving her money away. I can either have the mail sent to a PO box to stop the requests from coming in, or somehow discontinue checks on her accounts. Not sure the best solution. I'm not sure what her obsession is with donating to these weird organizations. She gives to her church weekly and the Alzheimer's Association, which I am fine with. Sorry. Felt better just to vent that out loud. I welcome any ideas on helping my mom be more financially responsible and not falling for what I am sure are frauds and scams.
How does Mum get the cheques into the mail? Does she take it to the mail box? If no, then you could intercept the mail on its way out the door. I know some may criticize me for this suggestion, but it may be a solution.
The other option is to intercept the mail when it comes in. Getting a PO Box is one way of doing that.
Mum had a friend who was suck in this donation loop and when Mum became POA, she sat down with her friend and discussed which charities were important to her and made one annual donation on her behalf. Then Mum tossed all the incoming requests.
No to all door & phone requests too with "Thankyou, I may consider your charity for next year".
Are you her POA or legal guardian? If not, you should try to make that happen.
Are you on her checking account?
Again, if not, you need to make it happen.
The PO box may be a good idea.
You can weed out her mail.
I understand it's hard, but if there is anyway to find her checks, put them away for safe keeping.
Perhaps give her the checks for her Church and Alzheimer's foundation.
With Alzheimer's/ Dementia, she literally is not in her right mind. You have to be her "right mind "!
She's blessed to have you looking out for her!
Hang in there!
God bless!!
Get the mail before she does. If you have to set up a PO box for just her, do it. Then u pick up the mail. If a stamped-self addressed envelope is included, put all paperwork back in the envelope circling where Moms address is and in big letters..."take me off your mailing and phone lists". If they don't send an envelope, email. Put the address in exactly hoe they have it. Tell them Mom has Dementia and is on a very limited budget. She cannot afford to send u money.
I cut back on a lot of Moms mail this way.
I still get mail occasionally. If junk I throw out. If sent first class, I write deceased on it. Maybe thats what u should do, send back "deceased". PO only sends back first class mail. Junk mail gets thrown away.
We had this problem with my MIL. One day we found out a man was coming to see her to pick up a check!!. Thank God, we found out, the man did come, but the police were waiting for him. At that point, we all had to change things ASAP. She was given a certain amount of money each week, to do with as she wished. Then, we actually moved her into one of her son's home, and hired care to come help. Yes, it sounds like it's easy with home help, but no, sorry, it's terrible. Look, my MIL was the most loving, caring, funny, woman I ever met. She treated me like her own daughter. And just because she ,(had the nerve?) to live long, but sickly, never was she abanded or made to feel that she was a burden. Look, every case is different. She only lived 1 1/2 years after that move. I felt she died knowing she was loved & cared for as best we all could.
get her address changed to either your p.o.box which would be free to her or her own p.o.box which you have the only key.
Next....go through your mom's room ( perhaps on one of those days she is out ( or not) and find all the checks. You have every right to be in that room because it's your house and sounds like dementia going on so you need to take charge!
Put the found checks either in a safety deposit box or better yet, destroy them and get a debit card that only you have a pin# to.
Now...Make sure she has cash only on those days she's out having fun.
You need to charge her for rent
( which includes property taxes, homeowners insurance), food, her1/2 of the utilities etc. She should be paying her way... not out there like a child throwing her money away on candy.
If she demands a debit card, the bank will give her one but it will not be set up to work. Then the bank needs to be instructed and shown your poa not to let her have withdrawals. They can simply tell her she doesn't have access to her account.
We done this with my mom. It took a month of her complaining but stand your ground and tell her that she needs to pay the bills. If there's $ left over she can pay the scam artists out of her fun $$, but when she's out of fun$ there will be no more till the following month..meanwhile you could throw her a legit charitable donation request from the mail to contribute to...or NOT!!
Good luck, stand your ground and be strong!
See All Answers