Mom has mild dementia and seems "normal" most of the time, but lives in a rehab/nursing home (2 months) because my siblings and I work and can't be with her 24/7. We all visit daily and take her out on weekends, but stopped taking her out because whenever we return, she screams and cries that she doesn't want to go back. Now, even when we take her outside for fresh air, she cries and screams that she doesn't want to go back inside. We can't afford private care at home and we are so heartbroken because she is so heartbroken. She is so distraught that she constantly threatens suicide and just keeps telling us that she wants to go home. This is all so new to us and we can't figure out how to handle this. Anyone have any advice? Thank you!
Mild cog impairment varies greatly. Does she have mobility problems too? Can she still cook? Manage money? Attend to her personal care needs? Is there are hope she can recover from the falls & return home? Maybe assisted living would suit?
Sorry! too many questions...
My Mum hated the nursing home too (1 month respite stay). What she REALLY hated was having a stroke & losing her ability to walk & her total independence. Now home again with Dad - but she STILL hates it :(
Mom may eventually settle in, but may not. My mom never really did after two years.
Your mom was just recently diagnosed. A nursing home would not be appropriate care situation for someone with mild cognitive impairment.
You mention that she was there for rehab and you then decided to keep her there permanently - I wonder if you have explored other options/facilities? There were several people with dementia at my mom's nursing home and I felt pity for them; during the time I spent there I came to understand that although the physical care was very good for those who needed it the activities were repetitive and often childishly inappropriate and many of the residents paced the floors like caged animals or sat totally unengaged for most of their waking hours. For many there was no other option, but for some a good memory care could have made all the difference.
She may be fine at home with visits from her children through the day, physical and occupational therapy, just as you are doing now. She has been in rehab for two months, that sounds like more than enough. Is mom on Medicaid?
Heck, the mild cognitive impairment could easily be caused by being very disoriented being in this nursing home. Hospitals and rehab are very disorienting as we age and will cause symptoms of dementia.
Get her out but make sure you have assistance she will need, temporarily, until she is back to normal.
Pennsylvania is a filial responsibility law state. The nursing home, if not paid, could come after the children of the resident to pay her bill.
It sounds like your gut instinct is "no mom does not belong here". Trust it.
Our facility has a wonderful, gentle woman who has been very helpful to our LO, and has used cautiously prescribed, very small doses of medications to increase her comfort and reduce her unhappiness.
The term “mild” dementia may or may not be specific in describing her present behavior, but very few clients in AL adjust easily or quickly.
Consider also that her desire to “go home” may be non-specific as well. “Home” may mean returning to her life 50 years ago or something more recent or whatever she visualizes as a place in her damaged memory.
After having been in her AL for about 3 months, our LO fell and broke her wrist, and we needed to take her to a very nearby doctor when the cast was removed. She took the trip fairly well, but was exhausted and relieved to return “home” after her examination was finished.
She hasn’t left the facility since, over a year. She will SAY she wants to go “out”, but demonstrates that she actually prefers to stay where she is.
Try, for your own well being, to observe her sadness and anger without being a part of it. I understand only too well the role of watching a person with dementia suffer, but try to remember that their suffering is tainted by their inability to impose rational thought on what is happening to them.
I’d do anything possible to prevent episodes of “crying and screaming”, including postponing trips away from her residence for a while.
You and your family are doing your job if you are providing a clean, pleasant, SAFE place for her. If she is not SAFE at home, you are doing the best that is available to her and to you.
Good luck and hope you will update us.
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