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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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She now lives with me and my husband. I feel so sorry for her. She thinks dad is in hospital with bad cold and my brother is away on a rest retreat. It’s heart breaking.
Support those thoughts that she has about where they are. No need to upset her with the truth. I’m sorry for the loss of your family members. As her disease progresses, the memories will fade.
I agree with the comments below. The few times I let it slip to dad that mom died, it was like he was hearing it for the first time. The confusion because she was just here. Then upset because she’s not dead. He just saw or heard her. There was one time he actually challenged my answer when I said that mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner. I’m a lousy liar. My brain froze and couldn’t answer back fast enough. He got mad. I learned and made sure I had ready answers (note plural). I don’t recall reading here on AC of someone whose parent challenged their answers. So, I wasn’t prepared for it. =)
They went fishing, golf or something? Did they ever travel together? Therapeutic white lies to protect her. They will return later, tomorrow, in a few days?
Don’t let yourself get hung up on the IDEA of TRUTH. Her “truth” is now progressively altering from hour to hour. It is NOT the facts that you know about her or her life or her relationships.
What comforts her is HER truth. Please don’t torment yourself by thinking that SHE thinks that her situation is ”heartbreaking”, because she doesn’t, and you, in YOUR fact based memories, are working through enough already.
If she is grasping that her husband and son are in pleasant, comfortable places, that really is what she needs.
You are doing the kindest and most loving thing by helping her to find peace with what you tell her that actually supports her own thoughts whenever possible.
My mother in law died in October after 70 years of married. My FIL knows she is dead; we had a small graveside service which he attended. But still, when we see him, he talks about how they went downtown for a corned beef sandwich or something, just the other day. He lives in memory care; she was there with him before she passed. She is buried at Graceland Cemetery. She is in a family plot that they used to regularly visit. Graceland is a beautiful cemetery with gorgeous grounds which is one of those places that has tours of famous people's gravestones. So they used to go visit several times a year when the weather is nice. So one day, when we sat down at a holiday meal with him at the facility, my FIL said, "Where's Helen?" Wondering I guess why she had not joined us. It came out of nowwhere and I am one of those people who just cannot do the therapeutic lie so I froze. My husband said, "At Graceland". And FIL was totally satisfied.
Wow! Losing a husband and son in a short time would be devastating to even the healthiest and strongest of us. Do not tell her of her loss. It would most likely be catastrophic for her (and you!) All of the comments below are great. As the disease progresses you will have to become more and more creative with your responses. I love the "at Graceland" comment. As AnnReid said, her truth is not your truth (reality). Learn to place yourself in her reality. Become educated about AD. A great book to read is "Learning to Speak Alzheimer's". And don't get hung up on so called "lying" to her. We've all told our children about the Easter Bunny and Santa. We've all "fibbed" in our lifetime. We've all heard the phrase "the truth hurts". It's especially true when talking to someone with dementia. So validate THEIR reality even at your expense. The goal here is to have THEM live out a life of dignity and peace.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What comforts her is HER truth. Please don’t torment yourself by thinking that SHE thinks that her situation is ”heartbreaking”, because she doesn’t, and you, in YOUR fact based memories, are working through enough already.
If she is grasping that her husband and son are in pleasant, comfortable places, that really is what she needs.
You are doing the kindest and most loving thing by helping her to find peace with what you tell her that actually supports her own thoughts whenever possible.