I have an MRI scheduled on Monday for my neck. I have a vertebrae problem that my doctor thinks is compressing my spinal column when I hold my head down. (Which is most of the tile when I care for mom or am working in my beauty shop)
if the MRI doesn’t show anything then he’s doing a brain scan. My symptoms have really concerned him.
my mom has MULTIPLE health problems and is extremely dependent upon me. On top of that, she has always been a narcissist and out relationship has never been great.
she refused to believe that there’s anything seriously wrong with me. (She hurts more than anyone)
she refuses to go into a nursing home and physically I’m not going to do this much longer.
More information would be helpful for you to receive suggestions . Does Mom live in your home ? What are her care needs? Does she have dementia , mobility problems, incontinence ? Is Mom still competent to make her own decisions? Or are you active POA ?
If you are POA and Mom can’t make decisions you can admit her to a facility.
Otherwise seek help from your County Area of aging or an elder care lawyer (if Mom is living with you ) to get Mom out of your home to a facility .
Stand your ground and don't let her make you feel guilty for wanting to take care of yourself, as you and your health matter too.
"I’m a 90% disabled veteran with ptsd..."
You don't say why you are your Mom's caregiver... is she disabled? Has dementia? This is important to know for us to give you advice.
Are you your Mom's PoA? If not, is anyone?
Does your Mom have the financial means to pay for in-home aids or transition to AL?
If she isn't cognitively impaired then she gets to make her own decisions, but so do you. You need to care for you, period.
If she is cognitively impaired and you are her PoA and she has the financial means to be transitioned into a facility, this is the route I would personally take (even if she wasn't in agreement with it there are ways to coax her to go).
If she is cognitively impaired but she doesn't have a PoA and/or doesn't have financial means to pay for non-family care, then this is going to be stickier, but not impossible. More info is needed.
It doesn't matter WHAT mom thinks.
It is time to tell her that your caregiving days are over and that you no longer wish to live with her and that you will assist her in finding placement. PERIOD and end of sentence. You are a grownup. It is time to directly take on those who wish to use and abuse you, and to preserve your own well being.
Cervical spine surgery is very dicey. I have a neighbor who has never been the same after hers. No more ability to garden. Limited movement. I caution you not to only consult surgeon but also neurologist. I at 81 have some compression due to old whiplash and general nurse's spine, and I was having nerve pain due to it. I was referred to PT and the exercises over the last month have wiped out the nerve pain completely. So take care on this front.
You can end up paralyzed due to cervical spinal issues. This is nothing to beat about the bush with. Mom will be told. Her reaction, whether disbelief, argument, and whatever is not something anyone should care about.
Meanwhile you MUST work only with those chairs that raise and lower your client. I don't know is a collar is recommended for now but you need to consider as a reminder on your neck movement, so discuss with doc.
Hope you will update us, and hope you will take the reins now knowing that you are in charge of your health and future.
I had fusion surgery on my cervical spine in 2008, which is performed by a neurosurgeon. I had 100% success and 15 years later, have 85% range of motion in my neck. All the pain was gone right after surgery and hasnt come back again, fortunately. Not all surgeries are optional, so if you wind up getting this one, I'm sure you'll be fine, as most people are.
Look after yourself now, your mother's life is not the only life that matters.