My mom is 86 and due to 2 recent hospitalizations is anxious and less strong. She is overweight, has a history of falls and is a prime fall risk. She lives in her own house in a continuing care community. She chose this place for her and my dad 6 years ago, proudly saying that they would always be cared for at whatever level they need there. She does have some "help at home" people coming various hours during the week (cleaning and errands), which she pays for. Going to the next level of care seems a no brainer to me, but my sister says it's too risky bc they have some COVID cases in the buildings (segregated).
So my sister, who has 3 teens and husband at home says she's staying overnite, partial days, and cooking meals for mom every night till there's a COVID vaccine (!) This she and I have been doing for a week now since mom got out of hospital after a kidney infection last week. She believes mom will be one of the first to get the vaccine in a couple of months bc she's elderly. I think it will be waaay longer than that before mom or any of us regular citizens gets vaccinated. We both live within 25 miles of mom, we're in our 50's. Sis is currently working from home, (like all state employees in my state) but part of the workday, she is is really with mom (ethical problem but not my problem). She has suggested maybe Mom should come live with her for the duration of the pandemic or at least till it calms a little. That could be the solution.
My children are grown, I'm not willing to sleep away from home and my husband half the week, and I can't take that much time from work. Added to this - my dad entered the nursing home building in their community last week and has hospice involved. So, there is an added need for us to be visiting him there too.
Anyone else putting off assisted living bc of COVID?
Any new people one comes in contact with increases the risk of covid. I understand your sister's strategy but not sure it won't create a larger problem, which is a weakened marriage. This past summer after covid hit my MIL's facility (and she had it for a month and completely recovered) the admin sent out a summary letter. Far fewer people in AL had it than in LTC and MC. 0 people in IL had gotten it. Now we are in round 2, and so far 1 LTC resident got it and 1 AL resident, but it is early in this new round. I'm sharing this so you can make an informed decision from people's real-life experiences. MIL is in an outer-ring suburb of Minneapolis. There is no right or wrong answer for what to do in your mom's situation -- they all have down sides and risks. It just depends on which risks one is willing to take. I hope you and sis can come to an agreement and have a realistic contingency plan B should covid hit closer to home.
One of the main reasons I made the decision, and every time I start to feel guilty, I come back to this reason is : what if something happens to me? It would be a mess! This may not be the case in your situation since you have a sister to help you nearby. My mom has lived with me and my boyfriend for 2 years. If something happened to her, even though he has been wonderful to her, he would be calling my brother 1.5 hours away who works full time and has a house that is not conducive to an overnight stay, to come and get her. My other brother is in PA. If she is in AL, this would allow my brothers to plan together for her welfare.
Yes I worry about the virus also. They were clear until october. They have had their share of caes...and they were so careful. But they are clear now. I doubt that many people will agree with me on this...but I am a realist... I don't want my mom to die of Covid...but to me that would be a much better way to die than going through the progression of AD. That will only get worse and it is a terrible disease. It could take years!! My mom has no joy left. She has complete apathy and no short Term Memory. She is 86 and is in good health except for her AD. She shuffles...but she really has no joy in living. It is so hard for me to see her like this because she was always a fun filled positive person.
Even at its easiest caregiving is very difficult. I have done the best I can do for 2 years. I will still be her advocate. I hope you can find a solution, maybe more in home help. Hugs to you.❤
That is my biggest worry. What if something happens to me or my DH. My DH aunt has no other person willing or able to step up. I was in the hospital twice in June and it never leaves my mind just how fragile we all are in current times. I’m getting there on placement but it’s very hard. Good for you making that difficult decision.
I do not know if it is a good idea for her to move in with your sister, so far away from Dad. Also with 3 teens in her home, there is likely a greater risk of acquiring Covid at your sister's house than in a facility with access to PPE.
I know there are real risks in AL - but home environments are not completely risk-free.
I don't mean to imply in any way your sister won't be super careful - but with 5 in the house, unless everyone is staying home ALL the time there will be a Covid risk there too.
Do the teens attend school? Have part-time jobs? Socialise with friends? Does her Hubby work from home etc?
Just something to consider & discuss?
Another thing to consider/discuss - Can Mother leave her accommodation for an indefinite time?
If your Sister & Mother decide together to move to Sister's home you are not obligated to make their decision work out for them.
Politely warn your Sister you will keep to your current level of care. She may even decide it will be too hard all on her own & that it would only work if you shared it (eg took Mother every second week). Best to sort out her expectations now.
If your mom can maintain some independence, it may be best to hold off on assisted living as long as possible.
If your mom has savings, Install Cameras in her Home and and Hire Help or Find a Live In.
2nd Choice would be to live with Family.
I don’t think that I would be willing to spend half of a week with your mom away from your husband.
You also have your job to consider.
Does your sister want your mom to move in with her because she thinks it will be easier on her? Trust me, it won’t be. I had my mom living with me and it seems as if it will be easier but in reality it isn’t usually the case.
Can your mom hire additional help temporarily and stay at home? Then she can go into assisted living after she receives the vaccine.
The news in my area did a report favoring your sister’s viewpoint.
Healthcare professionals in my area are saying that the elderly that are in facilities are the most vulnerable and at a much higher risk of getting Covid-19.
It’s a tough situation and it is hard to know what to do.
What does your mom say? Is she leaning one way or the other? Have you discussed it with her?
One thing is you have a better choice of a room because less people are moving in. He got a room near the attendant station. It is not a perfect situation but I show my face so they know that he has family who cares. I keep the lines of communication open with the administration. I am kind to all but I am my dad’s voice.
I would not move her if Covid is in another area of the building. No way.
They do Covid testing every 6 weeks where my dad lives now. All residents are tested.
JMO, I would NEVER place a loved one in any care facility until things settle down. If Biden assumes control in January, it is almost guaranteed that there will be a FULL lockdown soon after. (Did not mean to get political; but it is a reality). Either way, I have to agree with your sister on this one.
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