My brother told my mom he wouldn’t come to her funeral and wouldn’t speak to her again unless she told him where I keep her money.
This happened a few months ago and he hasn’t spoken to her since. He made this awful statement to her ON HER BIRTHDAY.
What had precipitated this was he had wanted her to tell him where I keep her money. I am POA for her and executor for our dad’s estate. I will be her executor as well. Now I pay the bills for the nursing home she’s in.
She didn’t tell him and that’s what he got salted up about. He’s mainly salted up that he wasn’t named as executor. So he hasn’t spoken to her since.
Mom is in her 80’s but I hope she breaks all the records and lives another 35 years. She is doing well now in the NH but she’s had a couple of near-death experiences in the past year. I guess my question is, do I even have to contact him and let him know about her death when it happens? He doesn’t speak to anyone in the family.
I know I’ll have to deal with him eventually as he is named in her will. But the actual funeral. He said he wouldn’t come but I imagine he will come and showboat as the grieving son and bad mouth me to everyone behind my back like he did at my dad’s. I don’t even want to look at him or be the target of another spectacle. He made a big scene in the hospital screaming at me when my dad was in a coma and died the same night.
Am I obligated to tell him when she passes and her funeral arrangements? I couldn’t even grieve my dad properly because my brother has been such a nightmare.
Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings.
Sorry to say it but your brother is a piece of trash. Who says that to their sick mom.
I am sorry that you weren't able to properly grieve your dad, learn from that experience and don't go through it again.
You are correct. My dad was abusive to my mom and now my brother is acting just like dad was when dad was at his very worst. The difference is that my dad had stopped his abusive behaviors for the past several years and was very good to mom. I reconciled with dad, my brother never did. He wasn’t even on speaking terms with my dad when my dad passed because my dad told him he was sick of his harassment about money. You’d never guess that happened with all the crocodile tears at the wake. I think they say that the one who screams the loudest feels the most guilt? I don’t know if he’s capable of guilt though.
I’m having a bad night. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and wake up a different person with a completely different life. This has got to be the most thankless job in the universe.
I actually have consulted an attorney because he already asked for stuff he is not yet entitled to. I won’t speak to him directly and don’t ever plan to. Only through the attorneys. I will plan to use this same attorney to help administer the estate.
You know what really bugs. I don’t care that he thinks I’m stealing. I know he only thinks that because thats what he would do. But what sucks is my mom won’t disinherit him even though he has done nothing but cause pain to so many people. He is basically being rewarded for abusive behavior. I don’t blame mom because she took a lot of abuse in her life and has battered women’s syndrome. But it still disappoints me that she can’t get out of that mindset and won’t protect me.
What fills me with such dread is that I expect that after she passes, he is going to drag me through court proceedings forever. Just for sport. Whenever I get a letter from an attorney my anxiety level shoots through the roof.
It is well worth finding out and then going after him if it can be done. I know you can counter sue for expenses and maybe more. If he starts find the meanest bulldog attorney and fight fire with fire.
Man, I feel for you having such a useless hateful sibling, I assume he walks in your dads shoes based on your comments about mom and her abuse. I apologize if I am wrong.
The NH has been great, they now know about all of this. He’s called the unit trying to get information about her and they shut him right down.
I have tried to get mom to change her will. She flat out refuses. Still!
“He’s my son,” she’ll just say over and over. It’s infuriating. And whenever any of this stuff comes up, her severe depression and anxiety return. I don’t want to see her like that because I worry it will shorten her life so I avoid the subject.
I am in complete control of her assets now. He can’t get to them and doesn't know where they are. But when she passes I am obligated to provide an accounting and will need to start dividing them up and at that point I fear a horrible free for all. I have some anger toward her for not protecting me.
It is so sad that she can't see that he has a choice every time he is an azzhole and rewarding him only validates his behavior.
I am glad that you have a good attorney for dealing with the crazy, if need be. Let's all hope he just goes away.
I paid the lawyer’s fee out of her assets and do plan to reduce his share for that. I haven’t paid myself anything at all yet except to reimburse for transportation but I’m definitely doing that as well.
To answer your question, most of these assets are held in a trust for which I am trustee and he and I are beneficiaries.
I might talk to her again. This is making me so angry. To have this needless suffering in my life when I could be using the energy for other things.
I actually don’t think he has a drug or alcohol problem. I think he is abusive all by himself. I just saw my mom and had a good visit with her. She didn’t even want his name mentioned so I have decided I will let go and let be. But I am feeling much calmer about this today.
He was so furious that he was not named in the will and thought we'd all take his side. So dumb, dad left everything to mom.
A nephew got up and read about 5% of the ramble. Then threw the letter away.
This guy deserves NOTHING, in my book.
I love that this nephew read 5% and then threw it out! Hahaaa.
He truly deserves nothing but there’s no changing anything now. Mom clearly doesn’t want to and I don’t want to bludgeon her into it. Then I’d feel like I’m not much better than him. I think I will just have to deal with things as they are and as they come. I will try not to stress about it.
i think maybe I have been preoccupied with this kind of anxiety because i miss my dad a lot and this helps distract from the grief. So I am going to try to put this on a shelf for now and really deal with that loss.