My brother lives in another state and comes and visits in the summer for a few weeks. He is in charge of everything. I have not one choice when it comes to my father. I have been taking care of him for five years. Put my life on hold. My brother is there at his house now with the other caretaker who lives there. When it's my week to take care of him she is still there. She has helped in the demise of my brother and I. He is there another week and I have been told to stay away while he is there. I am worried that he can tell me not to come to my dads house anymore after he leaves also there was an argument between my dad and I about two years ago with Alzheimer's they get into stages and one stage is the argueing and fighting he is not like that now but there are cameras in the house and my brother saw an argument between my dad and I. I love my dad more than life itself. My brother wants to put him in a home and take away the two things he loves and that is his dogs. He loves his home. And I fight for my dad and say its not home yet he knows to much still and that will kill him
Put him in a strange place his dogs are gone strange people around his house and all his stuff is gone. It will kill him. My dad is 82 still gets on the riding lawnmower and rides still eats on his own dresses and showers himself. My brother has said he is tired and wants this over. He is there once a year. He holds that video over my head of him and I argueing. I take good care of my dad and feel he abused his power. It has been three weeks since i left my dads house while my brother and his wife are selling his truck his Harley his tools and what ever else to put money back in to his acct. I dont get paid when I am there for a week I drive four hours I dont get paid for my gas. I buy food with my money all to save money in my dads checking account. The other care taker she gets free room and board and almost a thousand a month in pay. I know that my dads mind is very fragile and when he sees me come thru the door he gets excited and when I leave he cries. I just don't know why my brother says all I do is fight with him when I am just fighting for my dad to stay in his home a little longer. He never talks any decisions over with me just does them and I am suppose to be ok with it. He says he has my dads best interest but I don't think when he made my brother POA that he would totally cut me out on any decisions my dad has two kids not just one. I am so lost and miss my dad. He has another week there and my concern is he will have the power to say no you can not come and see dad anymore just to be mean. This POA has gone to his head. I feel it should be both kids making decisions not just one.
Why are you forfeiting your future?
Tell your family that you are leaving. Or, if you think that negotiating with "takers" like these folks clearly are, tell them that you will leave unless you get adequate compensation and respite.
In his right mind, your father would not want you to sacrifice your future this way.
Getting your dad into a safe facility will not kill him. That is false reasoning of the worst sort.
He called my Mom once a week and sometimes see them for a weekend, my sister lived in Texas and came for a week once a year! All they could both do was complain about what I was not doing! It nearly ruined my health and my relationship with my Mom became strained! I was trying to get my Mom to move into an AL near me when my Brother told her that he was going to move her 250 miles away from me and her friends and he would take care of her! He rented her house out and had the people who were renting box up all of her things and moved her! He put her in a facility near him and she would call me crying to come and get her, she thought I put her there!! He still did not take the time to go see her, he showed up once a month to pay the bill!! I would travel to spend time with her and slept on her couch for a week several times a year!
when Mom died he was leaving on a cruise so he left my sister in charge! Six months later he set up a memorial and gave us a day and a half to go through all of her things, 65 years worth! It was heartbreaking for me!!
My brother and I never had a good relationship and my sister and I were on and off but I have not spoke to them since! My brother died and I had no sorrowful feelings!
All I can say to you is do the best that you can and dont let him, your brother, destroy your health! I dont know why he would not want you to be around your Dad even if you did have an argument with him! Power goes to their heads and they think they have to control everything!
If your father were in a good facility, and you were able to visit him there frequently, and you could also get on with your life - wouldn't that take an awful lot of stress and heartache out of everybody's life?
Your father needs you. He is in his familiar home, and yet still his brain function is so faulty that he can't comprehend that you come and go as normal and he becomes distressed. What I'm getting at is that, although I agree that familiar surroundings and continuity of care are very important, there comes a point when they're not enough.
Your father chose your brother to operate power of attorney for him. He could have picked both of you, but he didn't. Perhaps he didn't think it through, that's quite possible; but you can't put that right and it does not help *your* *father* for you to destroy your own life trying to.
What you want is for your father to get the best care and to continue to feel loved and safe. Fighting your brother won't do it.
I appreciate that you feel it isn't time for your father to move to a facility, but I urge you to think again. Do you know which one your brother is thinking of? Could you perhaps go and see it?