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Love1946, in a past posting you had mentioned that your brother is on Hospice. I can understand the daughter wanting to have her Dad around for as long as she can even though she wasn't much help in the past.... but now I bet she is quite scared. Try to work as a team during this journey.
If he is on Hospice then tell her they are now in control. They will do what they can to make him pain free and comfortable. They know best at this point. Tell her as POA they will talk to you. It's a HIPPA thing. Explain that you are carrying out his wishes. Also, YOU have been caring for him and know what those wishes are. Do this as gently as you can because it is her father. U also don't want to upset him. If she gets too overbearing you can ask her to leave and return when she settles down.
My brother is not in hospice, he is in a room. His daughter want to make all the decision, what he needs and don't need. And want to tell the doctors what they should do. I would like to give her guardianship, but she is living from here and there, she just want to control, and maybe she thinks his little social security check of 735.00 will help her.
Looking at it from your niece's point of view, I can also see how she might be trying to make up lost ground, maybe she's making a huge effort now to feel better about not having been in close touch before. And we all want to be in control, don't we? - especially when we're facing a situation that's going in a way we don't like, even of there isn't in truth anything to be done about it by anybody.
I can also understand that, given your responsibilities, you are watching the money carefully. But has she actually done or said anything that would confirm suspicion that she's up to monkey business with his social security?
Whatever her feelings about his care or the way you're managing it, facts is facts and the fact is that you are in charge, because your brother chose you. Apart from the irritation of her chipping in the whole time, do you actively disagree with her on any important points? What sort of decisions are having to be made right now?
There is no disagreement on my part, if she want POA I told her I am willing to turn it over, but she needs to go to court and that is something she is not wanting to do. She don’t have a place of her own to take care of self and son. She lives with my sister who is 80 years old and 8 other people in home. I just don’t want the drama from such a distress family, who now are so caring. I am going to court next week to discontinue my POA. Let the court decide what to do. I hate to do this but it is too much for me to handle.
Love, it sounds as though she is going to Court to get Guardianship. When you say brother is "in a room" do mean in a care facility or in a room in an apartment?
Whatever happens in court, your brother's SS will be paid directly to care home, not available to his daughter. How sad if she thinks that she's going to be getting money out of this.
If there is a PACE program in her area, she might be eligible to become his caregiver and be paid a small amount for that.
My situation is similar to yours as I'm the poa for my mother, and a sibling has been attempting to obstruct me from exercising the decisions I've made for our mother. It's been a constant battle of drama from the sibling.
One point to keep in mind is that there is often something else going on behind the scenes, as to why the person wants to gain control as the poa. In my case it's because the sibling has accepted thousands of dollars in checks from our elderly mother, who doesn't have the money to spare. So in your case perhaps she thinks she can make use of his income for herself.
Just saying there may be another reason why she wants to be the poa. If indeed you want to surrender the control over to her, it will be a huge release of responsibilities off your shoulders! May be the best decision you've ever made!
Bless you for the care you have provided your brother!
Love 1964, when I asked if you disagreed with daughter on any important points, I meant do you and she disagree about your brother's care? What does she want to do about how he is looked after that is different from what is already happening?
But in any case. If the POA responsibilities have become too burdensome you have every right to resign them. From your description of her chaotic lifestyle I think it's unlikely the court will appoint your niece as your brother's guardian. Will you mind if an outsider is given the job?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Would you like to say a little more about what sort of issue she thinks she knows all about?
Please share more so we can better understand the situation.
Maybe daughter can be made POA, if she knows best. It's a pain being POA for someone. She'll learn that pretty fast.
Looking at it from your niece's point of view, I can also see how she might be trying to make up lost ground, maybe she's making a huge effort now to feel better about not having been in close touch before. And we all want to be in control, don't we? - especially when we're facing a situation that's going in a way we don't like, even of there isn't in truth anything to be done about it by anybody.
I can also understand that, given your responsibilities, you are watching the money carefully. But has she actually done or said anything that would confirm suspicion that she's up to monkey business with his social security?
Whatever her feelings about his care or the way you're managing it, facts is facts and the fact is that you are in charge, because your brother chose you. Apart from the irritation of her chipping in the whole time, do you actively disagree with her on any important points? What sort of decisions are having to be made right now?
Whatever happens in court, your brother's SS will be paid directly to care home, not available to his daughter. How sad if she thinks that she's going to be getting money out of this.
If there is a PACE program in her area, she might be eligible to become his caregiver and be paid a small amount for that.
My situation is similar to yours as I'm the poa for my mother, and a sibling has been attempting to obstruct me from exercising the decisions I've made for our mother. It's been a constant battle of drama from the sibling.
One point to keep in mind is that there is often something else going on behind the scenes, as to why the person wants to gain control as the poa. In my case it's because the sibling has accepted thousands of dollars in checks from our elderly mother, who doesn't have the money to spare. So in your case perhaps she thinks she can make use of his income for herself.
Just saying there may be another reason why she wants to be the poa. If indeed you want to surrender the control over to her, it will be a huge release of responsibilities off your shoulders! May be the best decision you've ever made!
Bless you for the care you have provided your brother!
But in any case. If the POA responsibilities have become too burdensome you have every right to resign them. From your description of her chaotic lifestyle I think it's unlikely the court will appoint your niece as your brother's guardian. Will you mind if an outsider is given the job?