Husband keeps accusing me of having multiple affairs (untrue), but he keeps ordering me out of the home, and constantly accusing me. Advice?

A friend, around 75-80, was declining in health. After lots of tests she was diagnosed with Advanced Cirrhosis of the Liver and never drank alcohol. She started accusing her husband of going out with his many girlfriends, which wasn’t true.
Maybe your husband has another disease and needs a checkup.

I'm still trying see where he can "order her out of the house" ? Did I miss something,, Is the house in his name only?

scottis: Imho, there is a good chance that your husband is experiencing what is known as "Jealous Subtype," which falls under the broader umbrella of a Delusional Disorder. Jealous Subtype = the patient believes that his partner/spouse is unfaithful, which is an untruth, of course. This is a very real thought for the patient, despite their partner's reassurance that it is untrue. Perhaps his specialist can assist with change of medication(s).

He obviously has dementia and I can think of nothing worse than trying to deal with "mental" people. He believes this and is making life hell for you. The next time he does this to you, I would (and this is ME what I would do), I explode and tell him in no uncertain terms this is not true and he is to stop at once or you will remove him from your sight and place him. Let him rant and rave. In the meantime speak with the doctor if there is medication to stop this. And if he just won't stop, then face the fact, you must place him into a memory unit. He has no right or reason to destroy you and I sure would not allow that.

This may sound a bit off, but it’s an idea. I have first shower in the morning, and need to walk about 50 yards in a straight line back to the bedroom. My DH sits up in bed to watch me coming, and smiles and claps. Perhaps if you could do something like this, and say ‘all for you’, it might reassure him and make him happy too.

Here is what the Alzheimer's website has to say on the subject:

Suspicions and Delusions

A person with Alzheimer's may become suspicious of those around them, even accusing others of theft, infidelity or other improper behavior. While accusations can be hurtful, remember that the disease is causing these behaviors and try not to take offense.

Make sure family members and caregivers understand that suspicions and false accusations are caused by the disease and are not a reflection of them.

Delusions (firmly held beliefs in things that are not real) may occur in middle- to late-stage Alzheimer's. Confusion and memory loss — such as the inability to remember certain people or objects — can contribute to these untrue beliefs. A person with Alzheimer's may believe a family member is stealing his or her possessions or that he or she is being followed by the police. This kind of suspicious delusion is sometimes referred to as paranoia.

Although not grounded in reality, the situation is very real to the person with dementia. Keep in mind that a person with dementia is trying to make sense of his or her world with declining cognitive function.

A delusion is not the same thing as a hallucination. While delusions involve false beliefs, hallucinations are false perceptions of objects or events that are sensory in nature. When individuals with Alzheimer's have a hallucination, they see, hear, smell, taste or even feel something that isn't really there.

See the doctor.
If a person with Alzheimer's is having severe delusions and there is a fear of self-harm or caregiver harm, or if the delusion or hallucination is extremely troubling to the person, it's important to have a medical evaluation to determine if medication is needed.

The first line of treatment for the behavioral symptoms of Alzheimer's is non-drug approaches, but if these strategies fail and symptoms are severe, medication may be appropriate. While antipsychotic medications can be effective in some situations, they are associated with an increased risk of stroke and death in older adults with dementia and must be used carefully. Work with the doctor to learn both the risks and benefits of medication before making a decision.

How to respond
~Don't take offense. Listen to what is troubling the person, and try to understand that reality. Then be reassuring, and let the person know you care.
~Don't argue or try to convince. Allow the individual to express ideas. ~Acknowledge his or her opinions.
~Offer a simple answer. Share your thoughts with the individual, but keep it simple. Don't overwhelm the person with lengthy explanations or reasons.
~Switch the focus to another activity. Engage the individual in an activity, or ask for help with a chore.
~Duplicate any lost items. If the person is often searching for a specific item, have several available. For example, if the individual is always looking for his or her wallet, purchase two of the same kind.
~Share your experience with others. Join ALZConnected, our online support community and message boards, and share what response strategies have worked for you and get more ideas from other caregivers.

Here is a link to that page for further information and direct links to the pages they recommend:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/suspicions-delusions

Here is a useful video on YouTube from DementiaCareblazers on this very topic with several good tips on how to handle the matter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBBScwVkoNc


Have you thought about placing him in a Memory Care ALF; is that an option? If he threatens you or raises a hand to you, please call 911 and have him taken to the ER for a psychiatric evaluation.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.

First I have to ask...
Is your husband a Veteran? If so,,,Depending on where and when he served the VA might be a LOT or help or a little.
There are numerous conditions that are liked to chemical exposure and the Veteran did not have to actually be in Vietnam for them to have been exposed. So if he is a Veteran please look into it. Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission.
LBD is one of the Dementias that can pose a real risk to the caregiver. The tendency for paranoia, hallucinations, delusions and violence are increased. So please take care of yourself.

Do not agree with him but do not argue with him. (If you agree that might lead to violence)
If at any time he begins to get out of control leave the house and call 911. If you can not leave the house take yourself to a room away from him and lock the door..
If you call 911 please tell the dispatcher that you are in fear for your safety. Tell the dispatcher that the person threatening you has Lewy Body Dementia. Tell them that you need him transported to the hospital. Tell them that there are no weapons in the house. (Please remove all weapons, or lock them so he can not get to them. This includes Kitchen knives) When paramedics arrive inform them again that your husband has Lewy Body Dementia. This is important if they are going to give him any drugs.

Now that I have that out of the way....
Contact his doctor. Tell the doctor that there is an increase of accusations. You are getting threatened. There are medications that can help BUT not all medications that are usually given for anxiety are safe for people with LBD.

Dementia goes in stages, and the patient abuses the nearest person to them. Try to just move the conversation to something else, or go away and do something you need to do. Its not your husband talking it is the disease. Perhaps he was an anxious man and had a fear you would do this, so now with the disease not keeping his mind rational he accuses you of it. We would so often like to know what is in someone's mind, but it doesn't happen. Hugs to you x

Your husband's delusions will get worse. He's not in his right mind from dementia and it's very likely he will get physical with you.
It's time for him to be in a care facility or for live-in help to move in.

Please talk to his doctor about this persistent thought process you husband is having. It may be anxiety about losing you or delusions due to misinterpreting information. He really needs an evaluation and treatment now so that you can live together in peace.

If he touches you in anger, please call 911. I don't think this delusion will go on forever since it is a common phase, but you need to think about what you want the outcome to be if you can't change his thinking or distract him for right now. Are you in a position to hire a male companion during the day to be his buddy and keep him occupied and maybe even encourage him to take his meds? Do you have any relatives, friends or neighbors who can come over to give you a break? Do you want him to go into facility care if you can't get him to take his medication or they don't work and you're worn down to a nub?

Can you agree with the feeling, but not the fact?

If you watch Teepa Snow videos (she is a therapist who has wonderful insight into dementia patients' thinking) she seems to say that saying something like "you must be so hurt to think that I would betray your trust" .

Can you try that and tell us how it works? Have you talked to his doctor about this? There are meds that might help.

A relative with Lewy Body dementia had this delusion also, when someone sat down and talked to him about it he could see that it would have been impossible since his wife never went anywhere without him but he said he believed it anyway, which proves the point You Can't Reason With Dementia.
Have you spoken to his doctor about this?
Is there any possibility he could become violent??