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Same thing with my dad. He is 92 with Dementia and has no interest in his former passions but he is really good at word searches. One thing I’ve noticed is how straight he draws the lines through the words and the check marks he places next to the words in the list are very neat and nearly identical every time. He will only use a pencil, no pens. It’s almost like OCD. He has an obsession of keeping lines straight in other areas too like the table cloth, he keeps it even on all sides. Same thing with window shades, he works on them until they are exactly aligned. It seems like those are things he can control in his otherwise out of control world. Maybe your husband is experiencing the same need to hold on to the things that he can make sense out of. Buy lots of word search books and do a word search yourself while he is doing his, he needs that human connection. Also a company called Active Minds makes beautiful 64 pc puzzles designed for those with Dementia/Alzheimer’s. They are visually attractive, plastic coated pieces and you can assemble it in the flat box it comes in. Keep it simple and don’t worry. One day at a time.
I have stopped trying to make my husband "do things" just because you are told as a caregiver to try to stimulate and occupy a person with Alzheimers. My husband choose to "read" the two newspapers we take, all day long, over and over and it seems to be what he wants to do and he is content. I can't and won't fight that and who knows, soon he might get into a different stage and something else will take its place so I take one day at the time and enjoy life for what it is. Heaven knows it's difficult enough. So let your husband do what he wants especially something like word puzzles.
Is 8t possible that due to his cognit8ve status that he no longer can manage complex tasks. After all, woodworking requires thought,planning, and execution. Woodworking also requires dexterity which may be compromised. I would hate to see him injured. Could a depression as well as the dementia be an issue as well? Maybe an evaluation by a geriatric psychiatrist, neuropsychologist, or neurologist may be in order.
Thanks for your response. I quite agree with you. The client must be aware of his limitations that he tend to do things that he is able to do or it is also due to depression. I also would not want him to be injured. I am wondering however if his case is indeed mild dementia. when was he last diagnosed? Probably it is time to visit the doctor.
My 94 yr old mother has LBD. All she wants to do is watch tv but only one certain game show. Fortunately for her it is on many times a day and night. She can’t hear but she can see when they display questions and answers. She has a set routine and perhaps that is giving her the feeling of control. Have ask medical about this and was told repetitive actions are part of the disease.
I'd like to offer a different perspective. I think he's realizing he needs mental stimulation and is subconsciously or unconsciously doing what he can to achieve that.
Working puzzles requires mind stimulation, of thinking, associating, making conclusions. It can be analytical. I've done word search puzzles, and have to push myself to finish them b/c it's sometimes harder searching at angles, and conceptualizing words that aren't strictly horizontal.
You wrote that he used to do woodworking; that's a very high level, complicated, analytical function, but it also requires a lot of dexterity and presence when working with tools. I think I'd be glad he's not using saws or dangerous tools at this point.
Could he still design woodworking projects though? My father was designing projects we both knew he wouldn't make, right up until his 99th birthday. It kept his mind active.
Edging and pulling weeds might be too simple, especially edging. That might be why he doesn't do these any more.
Personally, I think he's consciously or unconsciously gravitating toward activities that stimulate his mind, and perhaps ignoring the boring repetitive activities like edging and weeding.
It may be more a way of life instead of the dementia. Once you spend a day or two sitting, doing nothing, it's easier to do the same each day thereafter. See if you can give him some tasks to do each day - maybe make a list of things for him to accomplish. A walk in the morning might get the blood flowing and create a little more energy as well.
I do get my husband to help make our bed, take out trash & clear the table after a meal. I end up eating part of his :( He has arthritis so has pain in his shoulder at times. He always wants to help. :) Thanks to everyone who shares & especially those who pray. God bless you all.
That is great that he is interested in doing something. My husband just sits & sometimes watches TV. He won't read or play games. Just wants me by his side constantly. He is 81 I am 83 and his sole caregiver. His daughters were taking turns coming 1 day a week to give me time to get out of the house. Now, with this coronavirus they are staying home. The youngest has gotten groceries for us so we have plenty. My husband is very loving but gets upset if I spend too much time on the computer. He will not eat much, some days nothing. I give him Ensure drinks 2X a day so he gets nourishment. He also loves chocolate milk but its been hard to get it at times. God bless & keep us all!!! Read and pray Psalm 91. God has kept me sane through this.
You could also ask him directly about why he doesn't do those things, and if he'd like help setting up some other things he might enjoy. Maybe he's not able to figure those things out any more and it frustrates him, so he sticks with something he knows--and something that nobody will know if he gets the answers wrong, or can't remember how to do it. Doing his other things might showcase his deficits. I've watched this happen with my FIL and my Uncle. It's sad.
Hi Flowergirl, your husband sounds like he is depressed also. To help him be more cognitively active, & possibly physically active, play music from his youth. Ask him to dance. This can stimulate areas of brain that are dormant if not already affected by his dementia. Get yourself a good yard care person whom you can trust, perhaps a local teen who wants to earn money, & he might be inclined to "teach" the youngster how to do it properly? Please get yourself some support also, perhaps someone to stop by once or twice a week to stay with him so you can get out. Be safe and be well.
Think those word find puzzles seem to give comfort and occupation to those with mind dementia. My mother had multi-infarct dementia and loved those puzzle books. Also had Hospice client with unspecified dementia, who was very busy with her book of word puzzles! Guess those puzzles give them purposeful activity.
Sometimes a man needs the company of another man. Is there a relative or a neighbor that could take him for a walk? Go for a drive? Or come over and do a little yard work with him? I had an uncle who would perk up when we brought the dog over to visit. He needs some stimulation.
Dementia is a very sad condition. He may not be capable of doing things that require memory and concentration any more. It's time to start lining up people that you hire to do chores around the house. Your husband's condition may get worse, so be sure you have all of your paperwork in order to have POA, a will, medical directives, etc.
This is normal, my mother does nothing she could do puzzles or coloring anything she can sit to do cause she is not able to walk or stand. But refuses won’t even use the remote to change a channel or fix it when it is on screen saver. Just watches a blank screen.
This is the usual course of the disease. Start finding others or learn to do whatever was his responsibilities. Enjoy what he can still and how he can still interact with you.
Yes, it's quite normal. Apathy is part of the disease. I saw the same thing with my father when he developed dementia. He was a retired machinist who used to "tinker" in his basement workshop. When he stopped doing that, I knew that he was not well. As someone else pointed out, executive function "goes" in this disease.
Flowergirl, My Aunt can't figure out how to use the TV remote, but she loves her word puzzles! I think it's as normal as you can expect from dementia! For what it's worth, there really isn't a "normal " with dementia. Just as we are all unique in life, we are all unique in dementia! God bless!
Executive function is one of the first things lost to dementia. He can't look at something and see what needs to be done or how to plan action and how to do what needs to be done.
Detailed directions are helpful to someone with dementia, right now he can still read, so post what you want done with the individual steps required to achieve it. When he loses his reading you will have to give verbal instructions.
So very sorry that you are going through this awful disease.
It’s often said that you can’t really change others, you can only change yourself. My mother had dementia and it made her very stubborn. Your husband may have dug his heels in and the more you beg him to do things, the more determined he has become to not do the things you ask.
if the yard work is not getting done, either call a landscaper, hire a local teen or do it yourself. When my husband became disabled, I took over the yard work from cutting the lawn, trimming the bushes to weeding and edging. When I could no longer do it, we hired a landscaper. If your husband asks you why you’ve hired a landscaper, tell him the yard work needs to be done and leave it at that. As far as his woodworking, he may simply just be tired of his hobby. Try to help him find something else he might enjoy. Make sure you get out by yourself, too. If you give yourself a break, makes things easier to handle when you’re at home.
Doing the puzzles is actually a good way to exercise his mind. I’d encourage it.
By “active”, what do you mean? Did you socialize frequently, have a lot of friends, belong to clubs and groups together? If so, it’s quite possible your husband knows his mind is slipping and he may feel embarrassed when he cannot remember a face, a name or place or what he is trying to say. Offer him hints when this happened but don’t give him the answers unless you see he’s becoming quite upset. And don’t let it upset you. Encourage going for walks, maybe going to a park (“social distancing, of course). If he can safely be left alone, go out by yourself.
Thank you for your reply,Oh yes I do encourage him to do his puzzles If I didnt he would just stare at the walls. ;We just recently started going to senior club in our area and play bean bag baseball and we both like that plus we walk about 6 miles a week. He loves going for car rides as well. What Im having trouble with is getting him to do his chores or things men do. He used to piddle in his shop,make birdhouses. do woodworking on and on. Now I have to beg him to do anything that needs to be done. Edging,pulling weeds.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Keep it simple and don’t worry. One day at a time.
So let your husband do what he wants especially something like word puzzles.
Working puzzles requires mind stimulation, of thinking, associating, making conclusions. It can be analytical. I've done word search puzzles, and have to push myself to finish them b/c it's sometimes harder searching at angles, and conceptualizing words that aren't strictly horizontal.
You wrote that he used to do woodworking; that's a very high level, complicated, analytical function, but it also requires a lot of dexterity and presence when working with tools. I think I'd be glad he's not using saws or dangerous tools at this point.
Could he still design woodworking projects though? My father was designing projects we both knew he wouldn't make, right up until his 99th birthday. It kept his mind active.
Edging and pulling weeds might be too simple, especially edging. That might be why he doesn't do these any more.
Personally, I think he's consciously or unconsciously gravitating toward activities that stimulate his mind, and perhaps ignoring the boring repetitive activities like edging and weeding.
God bless you and keep you during this time.
Get yourself a good yard care person whom you can trust, perhaps a local teen who wants to earn money, & he might be inclined to "teach" the youngster how to do it properly?
Please get yourself some support also, perhaps someone to stop by once or twice a week to stay with him so you can get out. Be safe and be well.
My Aunt can't figure out how to use the TV remote, but she loves her word puzzles!
I think it's as normal as you can expect from dementia!
For what it's worth, there really isn't a "normal " with dementia.
Just as we are all unique in life, we are all unique in dementia!
God bless!
Detailed directions are helpful to someone with dementia, right now he can still read, so post what you want done with the individual steps required to achieve it. When he loses his reading you will have to give verbal instructions.
So very sorry that you are going through this awful disease.
Hugs!
if the yard work is not getting done, either call a landscaper, hire a local teen or do it yourself. When my husband became disabled, I took over the yard work from cutting the lawn, trimming the bushes to weeding and edging. When I could no longer do it, we hired a landscaper. If your husband asks you why you’ve hired a landscaper, tell him the yard work needs to be done and leave it at that. As far as his woodworking, he may simply just be tired of his hobby. Try to help him find something else he might enjoy. Make sure you get out by yourself, too. If you give yourself a break, makes things easier to handle when you’re at home.
By “active”, what do you mean? Did you socialize frequently, have a lot of friends, belong to clubs and groups together? If so, it’s quite possible your husband knows his mind is slipping and he may feel embarrassed when he cannot remember a face, a name or place or what he is trying to say. Offer him hints when this happened but don’t give him the answers unless you see he’s becoming quite upset. And don’t let it upset you. Encourage going for walks, maybe going to a park (“social distancing, of course). If he can safely be left alone, go out by yourself.