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Well at least he's not screaming and threatening you. It could be worse I spose.
My folks are late 80s, dad with dementia. He ocassionally gets huggy /feely with my poor mother. He sometimes suggests further activities. (63 yrold son here. Kinda creeps me out when she tells me this stuff but I'm all she has)
Mom is watching the guy she married fade away. She does pretty well with him with the romantic stuff. Holds hands, a hug then asks him to go fetch her something and breaks up the thought.
You might consider a mild medication if things get too bad. Talk to his doc about it. How advanced is his dementia?
I completely understand!! My FIL who has dementia, is constantly reaching out to me with his hand - and he's not good at washing his hands after using the bathroom, either (though we try to sanitize them), and I'm admittedly a bit (or a lot) OCD, and it makes me cringe to hold his hand every time he reaches out (dozens and dozens of times a day), so I just end up washing my hands all day long. (I know, it's my issue, too!)
But I also have heard that dementia patients need physical contact to feel secure. I like the idea of something for them to hold. I don't know if I can get my FIL to hold a stuffed animal, but it's worth a shot!
Sorry I don't have a solution. Just wanted to say, I understand. Hang in there!
I know we don't always want to be touched our hug constantly. I'm a grown up and there are times I will hug a pillow or a stuffed bear if needed while I sleep. I know its not the same as another human being, but just another option. I would check with his doctor and review his medications and see what other options are available.
fil = father in law mil = mother in law sil = sister or son in law - you guess by the context bil brother in law dil - daughter in law dh = dear husband dd = dear daughter ds = dear son
There are others usd but usually you can figure them out by the text of the post.
There are good suggestions above. Do you play music for him? It can be soothing. Let us know what you work out.
thank you. I should appreciate his attention but it is like stalking me, shadowing me and always touching. I don't like it but I don't want to hurt his feelings. It is so annoying. He is not taking any medications. I am just venting. I doubt there is an answer as someone said before each individual is different in their own way.
It is for reassurance that you are near and have not abandoned them. All is so confusing for them now. It can be annoying but think of how scared they must be and how they need our love.
Please stop weighing yourself down with unreasonable expectations. You "should" do what makes you feel comfortable because it's how it makes YOU feel that matters. There's nothing wrong with you for not liking this compulsive behavior. Try a weighted blanket for "snuggling" on the sofa or in bed and a compression/pressure vest, which comes in adult sizes, for daytime. Sensory tools and products for people with autism may work on your husband.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My folks are late 80s, dad with dementia. He ocassionally gets huggy /feely with my poor mother. He sometimes suggests further activities. (63 yrold son here. Kinda creeps me out when she tells me this stuff but I'm all she has)
Mom is watching the guy she married fade away. She does pretty well with him with the romantic stuff. Holds hands, a hug then asks him to go fetch her something and breaks up the thought.
You might consider a mild medication if things get too bad. Talk to his doc about it. How advanced is his dementia?
Good luck to you. I know it's so tough.
But I also have heard that dementia patients need physical contact to feel secure. I like the idea of something for them to hold. I don't know if I can get my FIL to hold a stuffed animal, but it's worth a shot!
Sorry I don't have a solution. Just wanted to say, I understand. Hang in there!
I know we don't always want to be touched our hug constantly. I'm a grown up and there are times I will hug a pillow or a stuffed bear if needed while I sleep. I know its not the same as another human being, but just another option. I would check with his doctor and review his medications and see what other options are available.
fil = father in law
mil = mother in law
sil = sister or son in law - you guess by the context
bil brother in law
dil - daughter in law
dh = dear husband
dd = dear daughter
ds = dear son
There are others usd but usually you can figure them out by the text of the post.
There are good suggestions above. Do you play music for him? It can be soothing. Let us know what you work out.
www.agingcare.com/questions/what-to-do-about-shadowing-186809.htm
www.agingcare.com/questions/tricks-for-hovering-shadowing-157075.htm
www.agingcare.com/questions/alzheimers-husband-constantly-follows-around-159973.htm