My mom has Alzheimers and sometimes aggressive behaviors. The current nursing home just sedates her. No one takes time to help calm her or redirect her. She is scared and confused. She is also 1.5 hours away from the closest family and we want her closer. Family can't keep going there every day to make sure she eats and is kept clean. We would like to get her into memory care with assisted living waiver, but that will take minimum of 4-5 months so or only option is another nursing home.
Don’t try to bring her in your car to bring her to a facilty closer to family . She may get scared agitated , grab the wheel , open a door etc .
She should be medicated to keep her calm for the long ride . She should be transported via medical transport . It most likely would be out of pocket, but well worth it .
Good Luck .
I wonder why people are visiting daily. Is she is not eating is it because circumstances are that her body is shutting down?
They simply may not have the time or the training for that. In my experience, they want to keep residents as easy to manage as possible. That means relying on medication to keep them in a sedated stupor, especially if the patient may get aggressive and hurt a staff member.
I applaud your interest in moving her closer to family, so at least you can check on her regularly and, if she is difficult, you should count on helping to provide for her care needs. She will be drugged, and possibly even neglected in a nursing home.
My husband was aggressively resistant to personal cares, and kept falling out of bed, and scooting across the floor (he couldn't stand or walk, and he was in diapers), in his mind, trying to go home. This was after he suffered a massive stroke at the age of 53, and was barely responsive when transferred from hospital to skilled nursing facility.
I stopped by to see him every day after work, and on the weekends. He was there for 10 months, before finally getting kicked out.
He had hurt staff members, and was becoming more and more difficult to manage. They attempted to dose him with morphine, which only had the opposite effect, making him even more wild. On my visits, I could see that he was being neglected. No one wanted to deal with that. And they shouldn't have to risk their safety. He was not an angry or aggressive person prior. He was simply scared and vulnerable, and had no control over any part of his body or mind, so was frustrated. Several medications have been tried over the years to try and calm his behavior. So far, nothing has worked. He just gets more anxious when he feels drugged. And more scared, and more resistant. I have had to take care of him at home for 8 years now. It is the hardest thing I've ever done. I get so frustrated! Every diaper change is a fight, where I have to wrestle him and win. Every attempt at bathing, grooming, is a fight. He grabs the washcloth and throws it. He screams like he's being tortured. He hits the water basin, dumping water all over me, the floor, and the walls.
He hits or grabs the spoon in my hand when feeding him, sending applesauce or pudding flying - all over him, me, the walls, the furniture,....
I Hate that it's like this!
I can certainly understand why nursing home staff refuses to deal with it.
They have other, easier patients to attend to, and they have to protect their staff.
I'm sharing this long personal story with you, because I understand why the care facility finds it easier to medicate their patients to keep them more manageable.
So they can take care of their needs. If your mother is responsive to the medication, that's a positive, even though none of us like to think of our loved ones spending their days in a sedated state.
But in this case they prescribed hydroxyzine and I am not a professional but from what I understand is not much more than an antihistamine. The nurses and aides are having a tough job, I told them I sympathize with them but they need to lean on MDs to get her quieted down . They rightly say they cannot prescribe, and I said I know, but for your benefit you have to ask doctors to do something else.
I WISH they would sedate my mom for everyones benefit
Medications do help in calming aggressiveness and reducing anxiety. There can sometimes be a fine line between just enough and a bit too much. Have you asked about the dose of the medication reduced a bit?
And I have to ask is she currently in a "nursing home" or is she in Memory Care? If she is in Skilled Nursing does she need Skilled Nursing? If so for what reason and if she does need Skilled Nursing a memory Care facility may not accept her as they can do things in Skilled Nursing that are not permitted in Memory Care. (generally "tubes" of any kind are not in MC, using equipment to transfer is not permitted in MC.)
When you find the facility you want her to transfer to the facility can arrange transfer if you can no t bring her yourself. Or you can arrange a Medical Transport. There are many private Medical Transport companies. Transporting her in a Van will be less expensive than if they have to use an ambulance type transport. (often a medical transport if medically necessary will be covered by insurance so check that and get a medical order if necessary)
A Memory care will not take your Mom. They are not equipped to care for someone like your Mom. They are not skilled nursing. Your Mom now has aggressive tendancies that can only be controlled by medication. She is not the only resident that aides have to care for. RNs have little interaction with residents.
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