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My 70-year-old husband, who suffered a massive stroke 4 months ago, remains in a sub acute rehab. Progressing very slowly, if at all. Now his brother who visits once a week (I'm there almost every day) is attacking the nurses over what he feels is inadequate care and attention. He's a huge fall risk and there are rules in place to assure his safety. His brother does not see the big picture....i.e., this could go on for many months. I'm already stressed out and have no idea how to handle family members with a short fuse and unreasonable expectations. Picking fights with the nurses will not speed up this process. Has anyone else dealt with this? The staff tells me they hear it all the time. We should be supporting one another let alone my husband. Any advice much appreciated. Thank you.

I'd be liberal with treats, flowers, or other items that the nurses will enjoy.

Add a note each time you drop something off, telling them how much you appreciate their work, and their kind, compassionate care they take with your husband.

You could also include a few words apologizing for your critical family members. These might go a long way.
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Reply to cxmoody
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Are you POA? If so ban brother from seeing your husband. He is being disruptive. He should be told that he has no say in the matter concerning his brother because of HIPAA laws. That only brother's wife or Medical POA is talked to by Staff and has any say in his care. Tell staff that you give them the authority to ask BIL to leave the building. I never did understand why when someone has family that siblings feel they have rights. You need to tell those people interferring with his care that they have no say, YOU do. Threaten them all that you will have them banned and you will not tell them anything.

My daughter had a resident who's sister visited every day, both elserly. The sister was not on the HIPAA forms but since she was only family who visited my daughter gave her info. This was a NH. Then one day the sister went beserk screaming about all the bandaids on her sister's hands. Daughter tried to tell her they were covering skin tears not the staff was abusing the resident. To quiet the sister down she had to tell her she was not going to give her anymore info if she did not settle down.p because she actually was not suppose to because she was not on the HIPAA forms.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Have you tried telling his brother that you don't appreciate him coming in and making a scene, and that if he continues to do that that you won't allow him to come visit anymore?
It really is as simple as that.
You and your husband deserve to be around people that will be encouraging to you both and not ones that are adding more stress to an already stressful situation.
Best wishes in using your voice to advocate for your husband.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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who is power of attorney? I assume you are? and his brother is not?

whether or not you are / have been about to be tough with family, this is a time to be tough. Let him know that if he has any concerns, he has to tell them to you. He is not allowed to directly address the nurses and staff. That is how it is.

This is the type of scenario where taking a hard line by you is needed
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Reply to strugglinson
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Find a medium where brother can still advocate for his brother but at the same time, not take it out on the staff that is caring for him.
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Reply to cover9339
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JoAnn29 Aug 14, 2024
If there is a wife or even children the brother can't advocate. If they have POA he has no say. Brother should be told by nurses and doctors that he has no say in tge care of his brother. The Wife trumps him.
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Everyone's emotions are on high, I would make the staff, a big plate of cookies, well id probably go to my local Amish bakery and give them to the staff with a thank you card , to keep on there good side.

Best of luck
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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I would diplomatically tell him that the way he is advocating for his brothe currently is counterproductive. Then help him figure out a way to be involved in more helpful ways. I don't see why you would avoid telling him the truth in a loving way first. If he continues to insert himself in unhelpful ways, then you let him know that the next step is to ban him from visiting, since it is already stressful and exhausting to deal with issues at hand. He's a big boy...he can handle the correction. And if he can't, then he doesn't get to visit.
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Reply to Geaton777
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IMO, she owes him nothing as long as he acts like this. It boggles me that siblings think they can override a spouse. He needscto be banned if he shows no respect to staff. He needs to understand he has no control over the situation.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You have an honest sit down with that family member.
You tell them that you are in charge and complaints should be brought to YOU and that if harassment of the facility continues then the visits will be STOPPED and you simply will not allow this to continue.

Sorry. There's no way around this but honesty. Either this person can control himself or he cannot. And if he cannot then he cannot continue to visit. You might inform him that perfection doesn't exist in elder care, but making a person trapped there the enemy because his family is hated is a very poor way to aim at perfection.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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lkdrymom Aug 14, 2024
This is the way to go.
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