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My husband and I did everything to keep his mother in her home. There were numerous falls and after the last fall in June 2024 he decided staying in a nursing home was best. She thought she was staying for rehab and kept asking when she was going home. We kept telling her from advice we got from healthcare workers it was best for her to stay in the snh. She had given my husband her house last year so we moved in there in August and are remodeling it. She was furious and while we were on vacation decided to take away POA from my husband and let his oldest son have POA. She had a friend walk into the house to see what we were doing. Now she wants him to divorce me and blames me for everything. She will be moving into the house with us in Oct. 2024. I don't know how we are going to be able to live together.

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Was MIL not part of the decision to stay in the SNF? If she didn't have a diagnosis of incapacity then she gets to go and do what she wants.

But... the house issue is sticky. What exactly do you mean she "gave" your husband her house? Did she add his name to the deed? Or change the deed to his name only? Or did she just promise to give it to him? Also, there are tax and Medicaid implications of this large gifting.

Lots went wrong in this situation but not sure how to remedy it. If it was her understanding that the house was in exchange for caregiving or for her to return to live there... was this a verbal agreement? Unspoken? Written anywhere?

Why is your husband allowing his Mother to move in with you? Does he side with his Mom on this? If so, this now sounds like a marital problem, for which couples counseling would help. I would do this before she moves in. Even if he doesn't go, you should. Or, talk to an elder law attorney to see how to handle it.

She can blame you all she wants... if you're not guilty of anything. But we are only getting your side of the story.

IMO your MIL's anger does not mean she's a narcissist.
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I think that the first thing you should do is to check on the "gifting" of this home which may fall under the legal definitions of elder abuse. Such gifting may preclude your mother getting the care she needs if she every requires any governmental assistance within the next 5 years (2 1/2 in California). This was, unless done with an attorney, almost certainly wrongly and poorly done.

POA is now removed from you. I have the feeling that elder son who is now POA may be filing with APS soon.
I would go to see an attorney ASAP for options of how best to handle all of this. We can't here know the details. This is a serious legal matter now. I wish you the best but you need expert help.
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dil2268 Sep 28, 2024
It was done with an attorney. She signed it over of her free will. The hospital told my husband that she either went home with 24/7 care or to snh. Mil told them to let my husband decide. She’s getting much better care in snh than she had from the caregivers. She went through several caregivers and decided to have part time help which is why she fell again. It’s been non stop with her.
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She signed the house over to him with her getting life use. I understand that because she is of sound mind she can make a decision to go back to her house. Although the sound mind is a stretch as she fell earlier this year and laid on the floor for 13 hours until my husband found her. She had life alert but didn’t want them to break her door down. Also when talking to her she is not remembering facts about her constantly falling.
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