Dad Likes to place dinner plate on stove to warm prior to placing entree. Tonight, BEFORE he grilled his fish or I cooked rest, he Turned on stove and put on plate and then put his hand on plate to see if it was warm. I asked him why he was doing that before his fish was even cooked? He became infuriated and got defiant and verbally abusive. I asked him if the plate would still be warm after his fish was cooked? He then stopped, apparently reluctantly realizing that warming the plate then was wrong. I told him that I refuse to do that because it's dangerous and one can burn themselves, But he insists that he wants to eat off of a warm plate. This was the 1st really dramatically inappropriate, illogical behavior. I'm not so much worried about the plate issue as what it indicates: That his mind is starting to deteriorate faster.
His doctor told him he can still drive but he recently had a road rage incident where a driver said he changed lanes and drove him off the road. The police officers came to our house when the guy followed my father home and confronted him. I call the police to come protect my father and got him inside and closed the door. The police persuaded the guy to leave and nothing else happened but my dad is still driving and going out without even seeing if his destination is justified, e.g. going to a repairmen or place only to find they are not there or available instead of calling ahead. He's declaring his freedom by taking the car. People who see that he is still driving in the neighborhood or that do chores nearby are startled that he still drives. How can I persuade his doctor (72) that I'm not the wicked witch of the west that my dad says I am and that this is real and that my dad is potentially dangerous to himself and others?
I completely sympathise. You know when you're popping corn? and you sit and wait for ages and nothing happens, and then you hear Pop. Pop. Poppop. Poppop pop pop. Poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppop - !
You've got at least two pops there. One, loss of road sense, and it really does sound as if your Dad had a serious near miss. Two, loss of planning - in a very small way, but all the same a very distinct "pop."
You are not being the Wicked Witch of the West; but you are being quicker to spot these telling signs than most families are, which is why you're not getting the ready response from the doctor that you'd want.
So get your facts lined up, take practical safety steps (I'm a low oven plate-warmer, myself), and avoid getting into upsetting arguments with your father that don't help. Wait for constructive planning discussions, and then point to your Fact Sheet.
I see that your Dad is 96 years old, and still lives at home. Do you live with Dad? What happens is the adult/child dynamics where Dad is still the adults and you are still the child, and what do you know :P We all have run into that situation during the course of trying to care for a parent.
He will balk like crazy. If you have to, come up with a compromise - driving only two days a week, say, or within a limited area, or in the morning only. Anytime else, you say, make a list and we'll do those errands together.
You have to take charge! It's a hard but necessary role reversal.
When he starts limiting his driving significantly, you'll find it easier to stop it altogether because it will actually get harder.
He will balk like crazy. If you have to, come up with a compromise - driving only two days a week, say, or within a limited area, or in the morning only. Anytime else, you say, make a list and we'll do those errands together.
When he starts limiting his driving significantly, you'll find it easier to stop it altogether because it will actually get harder.
You have to take charge! It's a hard but necessary role reversal.