My mom (87) is dying/not dying...its a long rollercoaster and I am the only family member here for her. I have an out of town brother. I'm exhausted and burned out from the up and down of her almost near death and somehow bouncing back only to have a few more weeks of her being okay until perhaps the next almost near death. I feel like the girl who cried wolf anytime she gets bad then bounces back. Her hospice caregivers also keep thinking at those times she's near death. My mom asked me today if everything was okay because I didn't call her last night. (i call at the very least two times a day and stop over almost every day. Anyway, how do I answer..."no mom, i'm not okay. Im exhausted and emotionally drained from all this." seems somewhat unfair of me to feel that way when she is the one suffering and lingering.
You can speak with her Hospice care team about how to handle this. When my mom was in Hospice, the care team was there for me as well as her. I could talk to them any time. I got invitations to grief support groups after she passed and still get communications from the agency after almost a year.
Hugs and some peace, too. Keep us updated.
As others have said, please lean on the hospice people. And any friends who will listen. One friend who came and sat with me on mom's last day is now going through something similar with her mom, so I can be there for her. Please keep coming back here and let us know how you're doing. We get what you're going through.
Just reassure her that you love her and will take care of, comfort and support her. That's probably all she needs to know.
That's what a wise person suggested to me when I didn't know how to handle my sister's last months. She asked me what I would want to tell her if in fact she was dying. So from then on, I just comforted her and told her how much she meant to me, although at one point when she was struggling, I did assure her that it was all right to just let go. She was a fighter and I felt that perhaps some affirmation of release might help her accept the inevitable, especially as her suffering accelerated toward the end.
I was CONSTANTLY reassuring him. ( the sad thing about my situation was, toward the end , he couldn't remember 5 minutes,after you would tell him )
And like you, I got sooo tired & burned out. Bit I just kept right on reassuring & since he has passed I am SO thankful that I was there for him & did what I did.
All I can tell you is, it won't last forever, hang in there, but also take some time for yourself.
If it's near the end, be there for them but also take care of yourself.
Will pray for you to have strength & endurance to get through this. It's hard! But God is good & He will give you the strength to carry on.
why do you assume she is a christian?
keep reminding Your Mom of how much You love Her.
You can avoid unloading on her without lying. A squeeze of the hand, a kiss on the forehead, read to her. I found the book Creating Moments of Joy to be quite helpful.
Peace be with you!
Sure, it's emotionally draining to watch someone close to you who is slowly dying, especially if they are in pain and not cooperating with their daily care. But I've also been the one in the bed who was very ill and in a lot of pain. I'd rather be well. I'd rather be among the living.
The church people actually did the most damage by visiting his room and telling him he was going to die there. It was pitiful the distress my father was in. It still haunts me to this day. Limit or ban preachers from the room. Hospice has chaplains that know how to comfort the dying person.
And read Roz Chast's thoughtful, insightful, and hilarious book: Can't We Talk about Something more Pleasant?"
When my dad was put on Dialysis, I did research and sat him down and explained what would happen when the time came and he wanted to quit.
I believe in the truth. Not with malice, the truth dished out with love. Gently. With Questions. Pop did Dialysis for almost 3 years but decided he'd had enough after turning 88. True to my word, I helped him with his decision.
I sometimes go to the NH and just put my head on my mother's shoulder. She's mom. That's enough for me.
1) RayLinStephens has a legitimate point. Some people want to know the plain truth while others do better with sweet little lies. We should assume the son or daughter knows the parent best and will arrive at the best answer. If the parent sees through the lie and wants a straight answer, it can be given gently with as much optimism as is realistic for the time.
2) In response to Redgranddad's response to Victorious66, I get the impression that Victorious66 assumes the OP is NOT a Christian as the comment "preaches" basic tenets of Christianity that would be known by anyone who is.