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I'm new to this community, and have read a lot of posts before finally registering. I am concerned that my mother may be in the beginning stages of Dimentia. I would like for her to have an evaluation. However, she is totally against the idea. Saying that she can handle her affairs and accusing me of trying to "control her life". She is in the hospital as I type this, being treated for a bad infection, and refusus to let me visit, saying that I'm just being "nosy". I get the impression that she thinks she will appear more "independant" if I am not there. She will have to be there for 3 more weeks, as she is being treated with IV antibiotics. Keep in mind that she refused to see a Dr at the first sign of any problem, and this hospital stay is a result of her trying to "treat" the problem at home. I have quite a few concerns regarding her health. However, the evaluation is my main interest at the moment. Can anyone offer any answers?

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By the time you suspect that your mother has dementia she most certainly has it and there is no urgent need to have her tested. Focus on how to care for her and get professional help. Don't force things as it will make matters worse for you both. It's a tough job and there are no easy answers. Take good care of your self.
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Update! Just got a call from my Mom at the hospital, from which she has completely banned me. I think for fear that someone may think she needs "help". She told me that "if I have had anything to do with what is going on with the doctors, that she will never forgive me". I have no idea what she may be referring to. She refuses to give me any details. However, I'm thinking this could be the beginning of the revelation. Could it be someone has seen the signs of Dimentia in her? Possibly the social worker? I wonder if they are concerned about her because she never has any visitors? (her choice) She has been alone there for exactly one week now. Keep in mind, with no toothbrush or any other personal belongings. Not because I haven't offered to bring them, but because to her, it's not worth the risk of someone such as a dr or nurse having a conversation with me. I think this is so sad. And the feelings of guilt are in describable. But I will press on!
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Yes there are those darned HPPA laws, but you can still offer your opinons to her doctors/nurses. Before my parents signed affidavits at their medical offices allowing me to receive medical information about them, I simply called the office asked to speak with the doctors head nurse, told her I wasn't asking her to reveal any information but I had some things I would like to share with her about my parents physical and mental states. I was able to tell her things they had not shared; like my mother is a bleeder which was a life saver at her upcoming surgery and that my father will always say he is fine yet has no interest in anything anymore. By just offering to share info and observations the doctors were able to treat my parents more thoroughly and once my parents did sign the OK the doctors have even called me to get additional my reactions to their prescribed treatments. You don't have to tell your mother you have done this and you can even tell the nurses that your mother has been very much against your interest in her health, so it might be better if your name was left out of it. Most medical professionals appreciate any help they can get and the fact that adult children have concern for their parents health and welfare. Blessings to you.
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I just wanted to make a comment on how to get a parent to the doctor for an eval. I called my mom's doc and told him everything I had witnessed. I asked if he could call her in for a check-up because it had been a while. He did and while she had a general check-up, he also starting asking some memory-related questions. At the end of the check-up, he told both my parents (my dad took my mom to the office) that he felt my mom had AD and prescribed Aracept. She didn't believe him, but he also recommended an appt. with a neuropsychiatrist. My dad told her that if she didn't go, he was leaving. She went and the AD was confirmed. She still didn't agree, but at least we all knew what we were dealing with. Good luck, it can be done!
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khinson1, while she is in the hospital is the perfect timing to share your concerns with her doctors, or a head nurse on the unit, or ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital. Even if you do not have medical power of attorney for them to be able to discuss your Mom's medical condition with you, there is nothing to prevent you from reporting a patient welfare concern related to your Mom, to those who are treating her now while she is hospitalized. The fact that she allowed her symptoms to escalate, plus what you have to share, may just open their eyes to her current medical status and need for further clinical evaluation prior to release and/or subsequent to discharge. What they do with the information you share with them will be very telling. I hope you do share your concerns. If you don't, you will continue to have a heavy heart and feel entirely powerless, waiting for the next shoe to drop. The other option is to ask the unit staff whether they have a Patient Advocacy program, and speak to that person, or the hospital may have an Ombudsman program for patients. Someone who is trained in handling sensitive issues need never mention your name if your Mom is already in their care as a patient. They have an ethical responsibility to determine whether she will be able to care for herself without assistance upon being medically discharged from the hospital. Hope someone will at least listen to the red flag alert you are trying to effect. God bless you, and keep sharing. It gets scary sometimes, and you may get to feeling all alone. You are not alone. You just have to identify those who are best trained to assist and steer you right.
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Will do when I come back online in a bit. Thanks for being an encourager, SecretSister. Whenever I type your name in response to something you have said, I really do feel like I have a secret sister in my heart! You are truly wise in your counsel, I feel. Thanks for being here.
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If the social worker talks to the Dr. and they feel a geriatric assessment is needed, it won't come from you. I know how frustrating this is, but hang in there. We all have been down somewhat of the same road and are here for you. My mom has Parkinson's and the advice I have gotten on this site has been a great help. Cat and SecretSister are right, you can't force her, but if you develop a good relationship with a social worker, it will help pave the way. Mindingourelders, helper on this site has some good advice too. Go to her profile and ask her for some information.
Linda
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You all are great! I agree totally with your opinions on government run healthcare. And I do worry about the care my loved ones would recieve if the government were running things. Hell, I'm worried about the care I'll recieve. It is scary, but I guess we should focus on that which we can control.
So here's today's events. My mom allowed me to visit again today. I'm thinking mostly because I could bring her some things. She seemed more at ease than yesterday, not raging about conspiracies or anything. Actually, she seemed sort of lucid. She talked to me a bit about some strange questions she had been asked earlier in the day. She said it was a nurse, but I really am not sure. So tell me what you make of this. She was asked if she knew where she was? And this question that I think is so strange. "Do you know the difference between a fish and a dog"? Is this a normal assesment to find out if she is ready for discharge? I know you guys can't say for sure. But maybe one of you has heard these questions before and knows exactly what is going on. By the way, she is not so far gone that she wouldn't know the answers to those questions. Is that how bad she has to be in order for anyone to recognize that there is a problem? I'm hoping that someone noticed something and that is what provoked the questions. Probably wishful thinking. Still haven't worked up the nerve to talk to anyone for fear that she will find out about it. Maybe tomorrow.
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the difference between a dog and a fish would be a simple question that might be asked as an assessment question. They have to assess people's orientation to name, place, etc routinely each shift.

As far as healthcare, and many other topics go - I do hope it goes to a separate conversation thread where the previous posts can give the topic all of the attention it really deserves
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Dear khinson1, never heard the fish/dog comparison one, but asking someone if they know where they are is standard. So is: Do you know who the Vice President is, the President, the name of the First Lady? And pointing to a watch band or stem, the doctor will ask his patient to tell her the name of it, or to draw the face of a clock. All standard dementia tests. Been through it many many times. They give them four items, tell them to remember the names, and that he's ask for them later, such as: apple, ball, pencil, book (or similar, simple things). These are classic questions. Or they'll ask what county she lives in. There's probably others, depending upon the Physician, and his or her background.

I understand your angst about Mom not being far gone enough for someone to notice. Not every professional is on top of this, but some are very perceptive. With early Dementia, the symptoms can come and go. Some people are better in the morning after a good night's rest, and grow progressively more symptomatic in the late afternoon and evening, as they tire. That can affect moods, emotions, and lots of things. Don't expect miracles, or for instant diagnosis for your Mom. But don't wait to talk to someone either, if you have compelling reasons to do so. Seek out a receptive, seemingly friendly nurse to approach cautiously, if you fear repurcussions from your Mom. You can go to a Social Worker's office, and not necessarily have to stand outside your Mom's hospital room. Tell Mom, "Goodbye," then ask the front desk receptionist to direct you there. Plead your case, privately, asking the Social Worker not to let your Mom know you shared your concerns with her/him. They may not be able to answer direct questions regarding your Mom's personal health information, but they may listen to you. If you know Dementia symptoms, you know your Mom's paranoia, and secrecy is one of them. A Social Worker can also give you an idea of what a Dementia Assessment might include, but probably can't give you specifics whether about your Mom without her express written permission. You can ask that a Social Worker approach your Mom about the subject of sharing information with you, and convincing your Mom it may be in her best interests to do so. You can request that a Social Worker share your concerns with your Mom's Physician. No guarantees this will work in your favor, or the outcome, but why not try? You may be pleasantly surprised. Hopefully, it will work for you, and not against you, but no guarantees, there, either. What have you got to lose? Praying for you...
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