This precious lady just wants to talk to someone. She is highly educated and has led a brilliant career, but sadly now, her cognitive function is swiftly declining. She will sit quietly while others converse, but the moment she senses a listening ear, it’s like someone sets the needle on a broken record. She repeats/relives the same few issues from her past before I knew her over and over. Within a ten-minute time period, she will cycle it five to six times, reciting dialogue almost verbatim. She obviously enjoys getting to talk, but at the same time, it’s clear the subject matter causes her unpleasant stress, as she is very passionate about the subject.
Active listening changes nothing; not even for an hour straight. The repetition continues non-stop, almost like it’s driving her to repeat it. Going into the moment with her and affirming her feelings seems to go unnoticed, for the most part, and has no effect.
Redirecting her attention to something different that interests her doesn’t help either. It only distracts her temporarily, and then she circles right back to the stressful subject again. Whether it’s two minutes or two months between our visits, as soon as we hug hello again, the broken record resumes right where it left off.
This is totally new territory for me. I realize it’s quite possible I may not be able to help her at all, other than to keep listening; but perhaps someone knows how I might best respond, so as to not make the situation worse. How can I best support her? Does anyone with some experience have any suggestions?
Thank you kindly in advance.
I have a very elderly Aunt (100) who has mod/advanced dementia and when she gets into a loop or a delusion I will sometimes gently tap her on the chest with my finger. She then stops what she's saying or doing and looks at my hand then up to my face and I get her attention. Trying to get her attention by saying her name doesn't work, often not at all, but the tapping on her chest does.
There are antidepressants that specifically target this. It's worth talking to a well-trained geriatric psychiatrist about a trial of meds.
I've heard a geriatric specialist call this behavior 'sticky', and that sometimes a very low dose of medication eases the 'stickiness', and makes it easier to redirect the conversation.
Gentle touch - on her hand or arm - may be safer than touching her chest, if she is not accustomed to receiving touch from you.
Physical activity is good - going for a walk, if at all possible, does involve other parts of her brain and 'breaks up' that loop of recriminations.
Your acceptance of her sadness is a gift to her - imagine how often she has been told to let go of it, it's in the past, etc. You are a kind person.