I have tried to tell him he would be closer to me, he would have his meals, his laundry done, ability to get to malls, 700sq foot end unit. He prefers to live in his condo til he dies, thinks he will get better. He has been diagnosed with mild/moderate (alcoholic) dementia, lost his license, and lost his wife in January this year. He won’t take any outside or in home help, relies on me to do finances, bring food, and lives eating cold food or microwaved food. With the Dementia he has no insight, is focused on one thing - getting his license back. He does not believe the diagnosis, saying the doctors are all in on it. Every time he is sick he plans the meds and goes off them. He gets difficult if you try to explain things. He says he has everything he needs right in his condo and can take care of himself. He’s been given a walker but rarely uses it. Don’t know what to do...it will get worse over time I know. He won’t go look or have lunch. I even asked him to bring his friend who is interested in retirement living now, but is not close to him. He has an answer for everything, but his answers leave him stuck where he is...and he is far from happy. It’s so hard on my brother and I.
And I had the same thought as FreqFlyer about waiting for an emergency. i had to do this with my mom as she refused any help and refused to get out of bed except to hobble to the bathroom so I just waiting for her to fall, which I knew she would, and sure enough she did and was taken to the hospital. Once at the hospital she got the care she needed.
There's no use bugging your dad about assisted living. It just creates more stress for you and angers him. Let things go for now and be receptive to an emergency. It doesn't have to be a serious emergency. Even a little fall will do it. Don't be the one to pick him up from the floor. Call 911. But be aware: if your dad is lucid and can answer a few basic questions from the paramedics they won't take him to the hospital if he refuses to go.
My Mom also refused caregivers. I tried, but she shooed them out on the 3rd day. Dad thought the caregivers were a good idea, but he and Mom would argue over this subject. Oh dear, Houston we have problem.
What many of us here on the forum had to do was to wait for a medical emergency. Where 911 is called, trip to the hospital, a stay in the hospital, a stay in Rehab, and then a transfer to either Assisted Living or a nursing home. I know it is a terrible wait, highly stressful, but that is pretty much all we can do. Or wait until the dementia gets to a point where a parent needs around the clock care.
And we also need to stop enabling our parent to continue their lifestyle while we change ours. Setting boundaries isn't easy. Like for groceries, I stopped spending a couple of hours in the grocery store and started ordering on-line. My Mom didn't like that idea, but she had no choice.
The fall did no injury but it turned out that Ambien didn't agree with sig other.... it made him go back into a deep sleep while he was walking down the stairs.