I can’t always spend my time with him. And now that she is gone he is just lost and so bored. I have suggested many things for him to start doing or that need to be fixed but he doesn’t take my suggestions. I don’t want to sound cruel but he is driving me nuts asking me what he can do every 5 minutes. Any ideas are greatly appreciated!
https://www.cabq.gov/seniors/senior-multigenerational-centers
Please remember that it has only been a month since your mother has died.
Allow your father to grieve in his own way. Everyone grieves differently.
Maybe he isn’t looking for ways to ‘busy’ himself and simply finds comfort with having your company and someone to understand how he feels.
You may not be able to spend a lot of time with him but he may need the companionship of others.
Do you think that he would participate in a grief support group like GriefShare? (griefshare.org)
Or perhaps he may enjoy attending activities at a senior center.
Wishing you and your dad all the best.
Your mom was his purpose in life. Everything else now seems meaningless. Our society is terrible at incorporating the elderly into daily life. Do you have kids? Can they sit in his room and do their homework there? Check the library for programs (ours has Tech with Teens, to teach older folks how to use their phones, etc.). Contact the high school…at this time of year, the seniors are panicking over their service projects (at least where I live) and offer him up…help my dad write a memoir. A new person is always great.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and that your grief is being sidelined by caring for your dad. I wish you both the best.
Do you think he would go to a grief support group? Could be really helpful to talk about his loss.
Take him to the senior center and get him involved with the people there. Get him out for a walk. Exercise is always good. Enroll him in a group exercise program - silver sneakers is a program that has different offerings. Fresh air and exercise help clear the mind and improve mood, etc.
My mom always needed help getting started on any tasks. She just can't figure out all the steps and therefore gets stuck on step 1. Maybe it's the same for your dad.
Best of luck.
Its going to be hard for everyone to adjust now that the person who took up your time is gone. You deserve to have time to yourself. I agree, check out ur local Senior Center. Was Dad ever a Church person? Maybe try that. Maybe they have a Bible study he can go to. The library may have things he can do. Bus trips. Check out the adult Daycares in your area.
Make a list of things he could do and when he asks "what can I do" there's the list. Maybe Dad would do better in an Assisted living. He would have activities and socialization. Outings too.
My mother & step-mother are in a beautiful facility and well cared for. One in AL, the other now in MC.
Very sorry for your loss.
1)Fold a large stack of kitchen towels. There was no "wrong way" to fold them,
2)He can sort and pair a large basket of colorful socks.
3)He can pair nuts and bolts, sort playing cards by suit or numbers.
4) He can put together Lego or Duplo blocks to make something (very simple and no "wrong way" to do it).
5)Looking at photo book of “coffee table” books with large pictures and a little bit of text. Watching DVDs (mostly Disney, Pixar, etc or sports) happy endings and nothing negative/stressful/scary in them. She read the closed captions of the entire movie out loud to herself. Even if he can’t follow he can be"be in the moment" from the action or songs. It can keep him occupied.
6) fill coin envelopes for the bank
Nancy Hendley’s “At-Home Activities” videos on YouTube.
Link https://www.caringkindnyc.org/activity-videos
And you DO NOT and are NOT cruel. You are doing what you can and you are reaching out for support - for yourself - for him. Give yourself credit. This is not an easy situation, it is very challenging.
What is his diagnosis? This is important to know in order to consider how to 'work' with him.
* I would initially suggest acquiring volunteers if possible. You could try local colleges (nursing, geriatrics, social work program directors); churches, volunteer associations.
* Does he like / appreciate music ? classical? ethereal (calming), like Kitaro?
* Will he / could he watch a You Tube video of nature ? a zoo ? birds? travel ?
* Is he 'good' with his hands ? puzzles ? paints ? drawing / pencils?
Depending on his diagnosis and his limitations (mental, physical), it would be somewhat easier to provide some ideas.
Gena / Touch Matters
It's hard to know what might be appropriate without knowing those things.
Your Dad needs some social interaction. He needs new experiences, someone to talk to about your Mom and things...nothing too jarring.
Did he like animals? Perhaps he can help the Humane Society walk dogs. There is always the Senior Center, however, that might be too hard to do with the loss of your Mom so fresh in his mind.
How about the neighbors? With Spring on its way, maybe he could help the neighbors with a garden project. What he needs is something that "needs him".
One of the saddest things is when we see our parents feeling like they are invisible.
- Colleges (nursing, social work, geriatrics, counseling, teaching) programs
- Churches
- Volunteer organizations
- Post on Next Door or neighborhood meet up in your area + on-line where you feel it is secure
- Post at libraries
- Ask neighbors & friends to recommend others
- See if there is a LITA chapter where you live (Love Is The Answer)
* Ask for references
* Write out a little blurb first. You might want to create a new email address for this need.
It was invaluable for my friend who was bedridden in a nursing home. Volunteers (loved him) were his life line and gave me a little break from daily visits.