So, not to make excuses, but this conversation was 1. unexpected and 2. took place after a sleep deprived morning where yet another person did not do what they were supposed to do: Mom's dementia is not to the point where she can't be left alone at all, though I supposed that is a subjective opinion. Dad knew he had to be back by noon to let the upholstery guy in the house who confirmed he would be here between 12 and 1 PM. At 11:30, running late for work having dealt with one of Dad's other issues (he couldn't connect with his grass person to let her know his complaint), I come out of the bathroom to find the upholsterer in the house, let in by mom. I had found the in home aide had done yet another ....well, it was---shitty! job last week, so I cancelled it with more than 24 hours notice leaving a message on the company's voice mail. But being conscientious, I called the next day once at work and obviously trained to generate happy clients, I wound up being passed on to an administrative type who wanted to know about my dissatisfaction. Early on in the conversation this person told me she would appreciate it if I would "watch my language". To be honest I had no awareness of what I had said, aside from being 99% sure I did not use the F word, and think as above I used the word shitty because that's what it was! I was so stunned by her comment I was speechless. In retrospect, laughing, I will tell you here that I replayed that scene and REALLY wanted to say in response, "What the F is YOUR problem?" But seriously, we gave this company lots of money for virtually no help. It created more stress for me than relieved any. I didn't feel I should have to do an hour of prep work to make sure the aide knew what to do and how to do it or follow/supervise her. I had confirmed my expectations of light housekeeping were reasonable. Since no progress was made in getting my mother to shower, I felt I should have my burden relieved somehow for $20/hour and a four hour stint at that. The admin did convey a willingness to help, but really there was nothing to be done, which I had said at the outset. These are supposed to be the best. The best did the kitchen that was NOT to be touched by emptying a toaster oven crumb tray and putting it back upside down, scratched up a protective film on our fridge, and smeared a glass top table in addition to not being able to neatly make a bed (nearly to the floor on one side, high up on the other). The newer aide for the 2nd week did not dust a mirrored tray on the dresser, and wiped a 3" band across the top of a high dresser. Leaving the rest dusted. So yes, I thought it was a shitty job! What do you all think? I wished I remembered my french well enough to respond back!
Puberty years were the worst, but he's grown up very kind & polite. (I think I swear more than he does now, just not in front of him). He lives with his dad now, who doesn't swear much, but gets into brawls still (50 yrs old). Yikes.
We're like Jerry Springer people, lol.
Housekeeping, however light, is best done by a housekeeper. Clearly the aide does not like to clean your parents' house or finds their house not up to her standards of cleanliness. Hire a cleaning service.
It was said that my grandma cursed a lot, but I never heard it. Granny mostly spoke Czech, but maybe learned the swearing from my uncle, (he drank a lot & was in the army).
Hmm. I have also noticed that since I stopped listening to politics on the news all day my own language has improved beyond measure.
You get more bees with honey then with vinegar.
Not it on board with this. As said below, once you give in to using vulgar terms in a professional environment, you lose.
I believe that a company that would give a customer the run around would use any opportunity to not take responsibility for the shi++y halfass job they getting.
Anyways, I never swear when dealing with any business, no matter what the problem is, whether it is dealing with some thing like what you are talking about or trying to get some other matter done and the other person on the line is swearing at me. The reason being is because once you start swearing, even if, it is just the word chitting--you lose. The other person on the line have the right to hang up on you or they will just block (mentally) to what you are complaining about! My dad always said, "there is a time and a place for it, but it is never a time for it when dealing with business matters."
I think he lives in a little fear of what I may say next. But in many regions, phrases and words carry NO negative/filthy connotations. Whereas, in my younger years, the word 'fart' would get you in hot water. And now my baby grands use that and laugh hysterically. (BTW, I save the saltier phrases to get DH's attention and for that purpose only.)
I was going to say that as with any word, its offensiveness has to be gauged in context.
But in THIS context, the issue is not whether you offended the woman, but that you had a goal - to express dissatisfaction and seek redress - and your use of a term which entitled her to take offence, or to claim to anyway, let her off the hook. Which is annoying. I think you should have gone for some money back, myself.
So marks out of ten for naughtiness, meh, four. Marks out of ten for strategy? - not so good. But the key question is: did you feel better for it? :)
Mom's Bleep List
Don't break any ****
Do not hit people with ***
Don't act like a little ****
Do not fight over ****
Don't touch other peoples ****
But most importantly
Don't make me lose my ****
:-) have a good Sunday all...take time to laugh and hug. And thanks again for the feedback.
I do not understand the whole upset about using this word to describe the work, it would be different if you were cussing her or the worker herself. I think that the person used that to not accept responsibility for providing subpar work.
I would file a complaint with the governing agency and hire another agency.
Since you asked..... Yes, here in the South, “shitty” is an offensive word. Have I ever said it? Yup, though my children and grandchildren get on to me if I do! I was raised rough!
Using profanity with a worker brings to the conversation a whole different level of coarseness and is an impediment to communication especially when dealing with the public.
Did you have a right to be angry? Probably so, but as one poster stated, using that word gave them an opportunity to stop listening to your point whether you were right or not. I was a public school teacher for 36 years. That word or words like it were never allowed in the classroom, nor in conversations with parents.
One caregiver did extra cleaning because she wanted to. If she could not be there the required time, she called ahead and asked it she could at least clean on ....whatever day. Usually I said yes, but one day when she said she was there and getting paid, she was not. A friend stopped by at a time I'd expected the caregiver and was thus not home. It was reported to admin, and reassured it would not happen again. A few weeks later I had a 12:30 appointment on my "caregiver support group" day. She was planning on starting at noon, so I walked the dog and returned, figuring I'd leave early. She wasn't there. It was now 12:10 and the phone was recording a message from her. I went in and played it back. She 'forgot' she worked on that day (always did when I had that group) and had made a doc's appt. and forgot she had the appt. What if I'd left at 12? I was livid. I called her and left a message (no, no swearing yet). and I went nowhere.
Later she called back asking to clean on another day. I said NEVER. Maybe I swore, don't remember. I said she needed to call before her due-at-my-house time, and it was an appointment which I missed. Then I decided to fire her. It wasn't until after that that I called admin., who said that I let her walk all over me. MY FAULT? Pretty shitty. Husband never felt comfortable with that caregiver.
It just seems like we are (ahem) damned if we do, damned if we don't. In this whole experience I have been totally shocked...particularly at the one company that bawled me out for being angry when I left work for a 2nd appt with them for what I felt had been covered at the first appt, and the person due was a noshow with no phone call, no apology no nothing, like my time has no value. But boy, you cancel on them without notice and watch the bill still come through.
I have a real “potty mouth”. In my defense - both my parents did too, and they were school teachers. You didn’t get in trouble - no one even blinked an eye - if you cussed in our house. Not unless you used the F Bomb. Not sure why, but F*ck was off limits.
In later years, even F*ck became a nonissue. My mother said it routinely and in the last conversation she had with my eldest brother she told him to “go F*ck yourself!”
I do believe society as a whole has become less sensitive to profanity - maybe because it’s used by almost everyone or vise versa.
My all time favorite TV show - The Leftovers, a HBO show was criticized when it began airing for its frequent use of the word F*ck. The show ran for three years and in its second to last episode it made fun of the fuss over F*ck. It was said so many times, had it been a drinking game you would have drunk yourself into a coma.
Now. I’m curious as hell as to what the AC sensor is gonna do with my post and with this thread. Good fun - but I’m easily entertained.
I imagine the folks they send are as variable as folks anywhere. Some good and some awful. How are they to know if you do not tell them. You described it SO PERFECTLY here, that if that is what you told her I think she would have got it better than telling her it was a shitty job. (Though it sure sounds like a shitty job to ME). I think what is missing here is that they are clearly NOT checking up after their folks and do not know who is doing a good job. Your input is honestly invaluable to them, because people do need to be told.
I think she kind of "used" the "language thing" as a way to shut you down. I guess I might tuck my tail between my legs, call, and say "I was excited. For me it is a lot of money and I am trying to get myself some help, not make things worse. Sorry I said shitty. But you need to know which of your folks are not doing a good job. And if I am to use your service with those minimums I must have a decent job to show for it.
You did after all end up with something that marred an appliance probably permanently and I can already feel my OCD defenses going up, and my mouth opening.
It's a cute story and a MISERABLE day for you!
We did both apologize (though I did only to do the right thing, not because I felt it truly, though it is not in my nature to offend others, nor did I mean too...I think her skin was a little thin and she could have realized I meant no offense). She at one point made reference to understanding the tensions of caregiving, and I conveyed I was sorry for her as well.
So agree with what you said about wanting a decent job for the money, but alas, for now the lesson will have to be carried forward. We were part of a respite program, or I was, and it is coming to a close. Originally I expected to continue though less frequently and now we will simply stop, and I am pursuing those whose intent is to CLEAN.
Yes, I may have a streak of OCD about the fridge as well. It's a good news/bad news thing: I never wanted stainless steel, Dad age 102 did. Can't argue with him. When delivered, it had a clear plastic protective shield over it and just as the delivery guys or dad was going to pull it off I threw myself in front of it and said NOOOOOOOOO!. LEAVE IT ALONE. I have been SO grateful because although it had one light mark on it...it was working like a charm, no fingerprints!! SO when the inept aide used the terrible paper toweling on it, while she scratched the film, which agitates me daily...the stainless is safe beneath it. So at least there's that! PS the kimono pattern is still there! And other temptations.
If you used the word "shitty" with the person you were speaking to that might be considered a little bit aggressive, but IMO having her bring up your comments was just a ploy to put you in your place.
I never met to be aggressive in the least. Toward anyone. I was frustrated and only describing the workmanship, and as said prior, I NEVER intended to have any discussion with anyone, I only called to cancel the service. I felt the faith and trust I put in the company was really taken advantage of...not only misleading me to believe light housekeeping could be done, but I trusted our contact...from the start the time of service was never what I wanted. I was forced to accept 4 hours of service, and I wanted 2-6 and had agreed to 1-5 to get this super special aid, retired nurse etc. Then when she was gone, this really good aide who would be more ambitious with cleaning, worked with those who had dementia...she was only available 9-1...this was a very problematic time household wise, but I agreed to that. It's almost a relief to be done with them. AND not to mention the first one having the nerve to observe mom when she was at her more obnoxious while a painter was present, suggest that it was "too bad" we had decided to not use any medications!
It's not offensive, it's descriptive.
And then after some conversation, we did get a 2nd aide, someone younger who was supposed to be very good with dementia patients and was more ambitious from the cleaning perspective. She's the latest who left the visible dust on the tray and wiped a 3" band on the dresser top. As I mentioned prior I interviewed a few other agencies that were surprising from those with criminal backgrounds, to those who accused me of maligning her character when I was angry at having lost work when their rep was a no-show without the courtesy of a call; to one who sent a marketing person (!) out who never followed up and was turned off when I mentioned a potential breach of confidentiality issue. We have about one more week in a respite program and it's not enough time to get anyone else in; now we will pay out of pocket and it's just too expensive for a $20/hr sitter. So as of today I am meeting with a few places for help with light housecleaning only. THere are still a couple agencies I could consider, but one of them requires 6 hours a week, and that's just too much $$. Especially if they will do nothing in re to housecleaning. I think the lesson learned is that I need to dramatically lower my expectations and just know we are getting an expensive sitter. Sad, but true.
Sorry you're having such trouble finding decent help. I like Tigers idea about hiring a nice neighbor lady to help you out rather than an over priced Agency who hires anybody who walks through the front door, regardless of their talent.
I think any excuse works when they are looking for one.
Yes, anytime they react like that it's cuz they've frequently heard MUCH worse language, (& now have a policy to address it with every customer). They prob record the calls too, so take it easy friend.
Why not hire a nice neighbor lady instead, (who has cleaned her own house all her life)? I'm a great worker, & I do hate lousy work. Very sorry for your frustration gdaughter.
"Substandard, unacceptable and woe fully inadequate" all express this better.