I had a casual relationship just for some self love and support and he has a young son so it was great we both had responsibilities or so it seemed. But he cheated with a co-worker who has had his baby. She's younger, prettier and free to travel, go around with him when he wants. I wonder if he probably thought I was just boring as I work, come home, then care for my parents on weekends. Made me so sad 😢 in addition to the horrific hurt. I realise deep down it was probably because he was bored with my responsibilities. So I've just withdrawn back in to myself. Also Mum and Dad wouldn't approve even of a companion as they'd think I'd abandon them so it was all hidden anyway another pressure especially post divorce for me. Just feel alone and sad even though I'm doing what I want and should do. So hard as Mum and I had a difficult relationship with emotional abuse as a child now I'm the carer. Anyone else relate?
If you really want answers about “Mum and Dad wouldn't approve even of a companion as they'd think I'd abandon them” (the only reference to them), my suggestion would still be that you see a counselor yourself.
I would not care for anyone who had abused me.
I would, upon reaching majority, move 1,000s of miles from anyone who had been my abuser, and would have long ago cut off all contact and made my own GOOD life with a GOOD man and do my best to care for my family (likely with the help of a good therapist) in a way the opposite of those two parents of yours.
So no, I cannot identify at all with the way you have chosen to live your life.
I hope in future you will make better choices for your own life. But that is up to you.
You express in your title that you "love" doing this. So there is that. It is likely enough compensation for you. But I wish you wanted better of yourself than remaining "an abused child" whose parents dictate her life.
My heart goes out to you. I hope things turn around.
Try to think of it as someone that came into your life when you needed someone, and this as an opportunity to get yourself mentally and physically healthier. Build your self esteem, get some therapy, figure out in your head how much you are willing to do for your parents and how much is too much and at what point are you doing to much, so you can set your boundaries and stick to them, and have a life, seperate from you aging parents, which I s what we all deserve.
Then on top of that you're putting your parents and their care first, which will never bode well if you're wanting a true loving relationship as in one, each person MUST put each other first, not their parents.
Your parents ARE NOT your responsibility and as long as you believe that they are, you will never be able to move forward in any kind of healthy relationship. So perhaps it best to just take this time to figure out you and what you REALLY want out of this one life that you've been given. Surely it's not to have to care for your parents for the rest of their life right?
Plus NO child that was abused in any way from a parent, should ever take on the care of that parent as that is only like pouring salt into an open wound as I'm sure you already know.
I hope that you'll seek out a good therapist that can help you sort out all you've been through and are continuing to put yourself through.
And I will share one of my all time favorite sayings. It goes like this...."Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence."
So learn the lessons that life has taught you so far so you can move on and quit being the poor victim, and instead strive to be the strong survivor that you truly are.