Several years ago my parent was diagnosed with early stage dementia. My mom wanted to consult with her attorney and I was/am her POA. Upon informing the lawyer of Mom's diagnosis - the attorney talked to my Mom about the possibility of needing a guardianship in the future. My wanted that responsibility to be divvied up between all of her children - which I stated would never happen because they can't get along and there would be a battle of wills. So the lawyers suggested a co-Guardianship - Mom was cool with that and informed the attorney who of her children she would want to have that responsibility (me and my sister). Fast forward to today - well, the children are divided - basically a battle of wills and I believe it's all driven by control of my Mom's assets and bank account - sad. I've managed her finances, bills, assets, insurance, financial planning - almost everything for YEARS. I have the education and professional experience to do this and I've done it quietly for many many years, unbeknownst to everyone. Recently, my Mom disclosed to me that my brother had borrowed thousands of dollars from her and that he also was given signing authority on one of her checking accounts. When I investigated more, I realized the money owed Mom was far more than what she told me. So, again, her lawyer was informed and Mom changed her will to indicate that my brother would inherit less the amount he owed her if he had not repaid her upon her death. My brother saw the will. From that point I've become the devil - he's attacked me verbally, cursed me out to my mother, slandered my name, everything you could imagine. He's said I am not nice to him, but I live 3000 miles away and we don't interact... He lies to my mother about me. I've heard him call me "f***g b**ch" to my Mother. He yelled at my Mom (while I was on the phone), pushed his iPhone in her face, told her he's recording her and wanted to know where all of her money was and what was her net worth and threatened that if Mom didn't tell him or didn't know that he was "done"! The other sister - she's out of her mind and I'm sure my brother has poisoned her mind as well, but she's proven to be difficult as well and bullies my Mom. Everytime I would come home to visit, she would miraculously show up - ruining the time I had to my Mom. Neither of the two of them do ANYTHING to help my Mom - nothing... Brother lives in the same time and my Mom went through a horrible bout with hallucinations and my brother would NOT stay with her - instead stating that having her car keys would be sufficient. Her power went out for a week one November - he left her in the house, in the dark, no hot water, no lights - her vision is not good and he left his dog with her to care for and the temps outside were 30 degrees - WHO DOES THAT? (And there is so much more I could post...) So Mom has gotten to the point that she cannot live alone and is now living with my other sister who is in the medical field. She's doing so much better - not alone, safe, no hallucinations since October, she's on a consistent schedule, eating, bathing (wasn't doing it before), interacting, meds on schedule, getting pampered a bit, etc. My siblings decided to visit Mom and long story short, they were both unbelievably disrespectful to our sister - my brother assaulted her in front of my Mom and now there is a warrant out for his arrest. So, we had met in October with Mom's attorney who suggested to go forward with the Guardianship - Mom agreed. Had a consultation with the Guardianship attorney, but put it off because Mom had moved in with my sister. Now, in addition to the warrant, the crazy sister thinks she can come to my sister's house whenever she wants to take Mom. Mom does not want to go and so the crazy sister is threatening to bring the police (mind you my other sister is married to a police officer!). So, we've decided to go forth with the Guardianship now so that Mom can be protected and maybe this will settle all of this madness.
My question is what evidence do I need to include with my submission to the attorney that could strengthen our position for co-Guardianship? I have copies of all of the "loans" and other monetary transactions between my Mom and brother that are still outstanding. I have emails from the crazy sister indicating that I am the best qualified to care for my Mom.... What other things should I submit in case they are meaningful?
Thanks!
If that happened before you became proxy and began managing her finances, it's one thing, but if it happened afterward, I would guess that you can expect your siblings to raise the issue if they contest guardianship, and I suspect a hearing judge might also wonder how this could happen.
Just saying...be prepared to address this issue.
Some states do allow out of state residents to be guardian, as long as they have a duly appointed Resident Agent. Get legal advice on how to do this.
Some states allow 2 guardians. There may be Guardian of the Person for medical issues and Guardian of the Estate for financial purposes. Or just one General Guardian who handles both.
I would seek legal advice before the hearing.
I see that your family has serious issues involving violence and this matter is of prime importance but please check to make sure it can even happen...in my state it cannot.
One final legal comment...no matter where mom is living, the person who owns the house has the right to decide who enters. Just because mom is residing there, the owner of the house (not crazy sister) can ban crazy sister from the house, and this IS legal.
Angel
NOW - no one take offense here, please!!! I am not singling anyone out or pointing a finger. You are all smart, amazing, caring, experienced people. I'm just saying what I think you would - check your facts before taking any advice as gospel when it some to matters of serious consequences, be it legal or medical.
You are asking for help but seem to want to dictate the terms for how it is offered. So I suggest you take anything you deem useful - which seems to be nothing at this point - and ignore the rest.
See All Answers