Funeral planning during Covid....
My dad passed away a week ago today, after developing Covid. It was an experience like no other.
I have been busy the past week making arrangements for honoring my dad with a high quality and meaningful memorial service that will replace a traditional funeral. His city is currently being hit hard by this illness.
I am also planning an outdoor “scattering day of roses” and presentation of a custom built park bench to his a nature trail near his childhood home in another part of the state. These memorials cannot be produced over night.
I am also dealing with after death responsibilities and I live 5 hours away.
His obituary clearly states the plans. I have clearly stated the plans to his loved ones. I have verbally repeated and clarified in writing these plans.
So many people seem to not understand that due to this public heath crisis that ultimately took my dad’s life... and for safety reasons... there will be no traditional funeral.
I’m already exhausted from events from the past three months... and now people not able or willing to understand the seriousness of public health in their own city.
Some people are even asking very personal questions... that do not concern them. However, this repeated question of “When is the funeral???” has become more than I can take. If they cannot understand multiple responses in various forms of communication....then may God help them.
You are dealing with grief. My bro died in AL in May. I was unable to be with the man who was there for me every single second of my 78 years. There were no services. That was his plan in any case, but just saying, there was NOTHING. I get through with walks thinking of him, a collage book decorated with letters to him (we wrote long letters when apart all of our lives), and I celebrate him. This is your loss. Honestly, it has nothing to do with others. And anyone who would turn a death of a loved one into a political thing of any kind is not, to tell the truth, worth the powder to blow them to Hades.
My deepest sympathy for your loss. Celebrate the love of you Dad in any way that comforts you. It's what a good Dad would want.
I asked my mother's church what they're doing about people who have died during this time. They only do memorial services anyway -- no funerals -- but they said bluntly that the minister will come and do a burial service, and there will be no "services at a later date." The time for closure is now, not six months from now, and people have to understand that what you have planned is what there will be.
If you've got it in you, set up the FB page, post pictures, a eulogy, where to send donations, and call it a day. You and your immediate family will attend any in-person services at the cemetery, and no one else gets to come.
I put together a polished memorial service honoring him... is in it final phase of downloading today. It will be ready for release tonight. My dad was a private pilot... I was able to use a friend’s airplane, etc... The flower girl from
his wedding... now in her 60’s...recorded a flute performance for him. This “memorial service” was professionally videotaped. It proved to be more labor intensive than picking out a casket, floral spray and clothing for the deceased.
You are absolutely right... post on a FB account... and call it a day. Thank you, wise friend.
I wouldn't explain beyond "due to the pandemic that took my dad's life, we're making alternate plans instead of a funeral."
Are they asking about the burial, perhaps?
out on display. Even the most talented authors could not make this stuff up.
In my state of NJ no funerals are allowed. People are cremating or burying quietly. All obits say, that a Memorial Service will be at a later date.
Sorry, so many people are in LaLa land especially the elderly. As soon as the weather got nice and states started opening up, people seem to forget we still are in a pandemic.
You may need to be blunt. Remind them "funerals as such with viewings and services are not allowed. Dad has been cremated/buried already with just immediate family allowed to attend. "When the virus has died out and things are back to normal, I will have a memorial service for Dad. For now, I can't do anything more". When a personal question is asked, tell them you cannot discuss that with them. All the time smiling. Put a smile in your voice if on the phone.
Sorry, people can be so thick. You may just have to remind them "there "is" a Pandemic still going on!"
We had talked about having a memorial service later, but considering that this might be possible only quite a while from now, our mother was 95, and nearly all her contemporaries are gone, I doubt it will happen because it will be "stale news" to most people by the time we could have it.
However, another relative (65 y/o) died from COVID, and his widow and son put together a "virtual" memorial celebration via Zoom, with various family members, friends and former co-workers giving short presentations about various stages of his life, and this worked quite well. He had been cremated, and this memorial celebration took place a couple months after his death--but most of the people involved were contemporaries and very computer-savvy, making this easier.
I had made previous arrangements, and when I was notified of her diagnosis, I called them to be sure that the internment could be done immediately because of the horrifically long waits in our very difficult geographic area, and they were WONDERFUL to me.
When I made my follow up call to inform them that LO would not need them “this time”, the funeral director sounded as thrilled as I was.
Sympathy from me to you. You are honoring him so beautifully! I am doing the bench in our Churchyard, but the roses are an exquisite addition. Please stay safe and well!
Yes, beautiful and unique!
(((((Hugs))))))
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