Do I need anything else?

I might also write down and make sure your son understands your preferences for funeral, wake, time of service, music, speakers, etc. One of my parent's pet peeves is when a peer's family has the wake at night, in the winter time. It's cold, dark, sometimes poor weather....they don't drive at night and neither do most in their age group. Meeting an hour or two before the service, during the day really makes more sense for seniors, imo, so, I wonder why it's not done more often.

The best thing you can do for your family is having your ducks in a row; we live through life thinking we have time until it hits and everything is too late ---THANKYOU, being pro-active is a gift and at the same time you state what you want and your wishes.

Wow, whaleyf!
Based on the experiences many of the caregivers here share, I hope your family understands the importance of your willingness to have your ducks in a row. I've included a link to an article that details some of the specifics regarding leaving a letter of instruction. Enjoy your next "20 years or so" with great peace of mind.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/preparing-a-letter-of-instruction-427686.htm

My Mom was very organized and pretty proactive as you are. Here’s a few various things she did which helped us tremendously when she was transitioning from living completely independently to needing more and more help and finally to NH and Medicaid application. It was easier because I am an only child and we trusted each other completely. Your situation may be different, but these may give you some ideas.
About quarterly, she gave me a copy of her monthly “ledger” showing all her bills and payments. This also helped me spot when she started to miss payments due to the beginning of her decline.
Every so often she would ask me to critique her driving.
She would copy me on life insurance, SS and pension letters she’d receive.
She would copy her completed tax filing forms for me, until the point I started filing for her myself.
She added me to her checking and savings accounts.
I was on all her doctors Hippa forms.
I had a list of all her meds and dosing in my cell phone notes. You have no idea how helpful that was during ER visits.
I was her POA before she sold her house and moved to IL apartment.

She kept tremendous records and about 50 years of receipts which were kind of fun to look through. But what I couldn’t find during the Medicaid application process was her marriage license and divorce decree. It really slowed the process. That was Not fun. So make sure they are in with your important papers, if applicable. Moms never turned up.

- A “guardianship in case of incapacity” document.
- bank accounts all done POD to your son
- also Look to see if the burial policy also covers all the costs related to the funeral services. I’ll bet some things are not included, like florals and police escort.

If funeral home is on site of the where cemeteries is, it probably is a tandem policy so covers both. But if cemetery’s is its own entity it will have its own costs. Where you really see this is Catholic or Jewish cemeteries which are owned by thier religious institution.... they will have fees for everything on thier grounds, like opening site or vault. Yet the FH will have all their own fees from picking up the body, prepping it, viewing/rosary at the FH and getting casket and entourage to the cemeteries. So you need both a FH & burial pre-need policies.

Also if this is a traditional funeral / burial, do a list of pallbearers. And give some thought as to allowing your family to change the plan done today in the future and having that ability to change in your documents. Things change. You could live to be a nonagenarian and Sonny now 20+ years later lives states away and everybody on the pallbearer list is too old, dead or physically unable to be a pallbearer....

I think it's helpful to have a list of all your asset accounts, life insurance policies, health insurance and long term care policies. Have another list of accounts payable. Make a list of where important papers like birth certificates , veteran's discharge papers, car titles and insurance policies can be found. Arrange for someone who can be contacted if important bills like utilities, annuities, storage facilities or any insurance premiums are not paid. Put these bills on autopay if you can.
Double check all the beneficiaries listed on your retirement and insurance accounts.
If you can, consolidate your investments into one firm. Many of my friends have had a terrible time tracking down their parents' investments from multiple money management firms.
Visit an estate planning attorney for a free consultation. Many of them have booklets or pamphlets to guide you.
You are doing your son a big favor!

I was looking for urns for my mother on Amazon and I found one for me that is absolutely gorgeous. (I'm 61 and in good health). The cloisonné has beautiful blue flowers. I'll order it the next time I have a few extra bucks. It would look great on a shelf unit. One less thing for hubby (or step daughter) to worry about.

I put together a binder based on Nolo's "Get It Together" book (link below). The one I got included a CD that allowed you to save the basic format to your computer, then alter the layout to fit your own needs (add/delete columns, schedules, etc.). I've added copies of SS and Medicare cards, Drivers Licenses, Birth Certificates, Veterans' Discharge, etc. It was a TREMENDOUS help when my dad died; everything was right at my fingertips. Now I have one for my mom, and one for me.
https://smile.amazon.com/Get-Together-Organize-Records-Family/dp/1413323154/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534340394&sr=8-1&keywords=nolo+get+it+together

Something else you may want to think about are the savings, bank accounts, investments, and any real estate. I did this with financial and legal advice. You may be able to avoid probate of the estate depending on the size of the estate. I have set up mine with my proof of death POD and designated who my funds will go to. All they have to do is present the death certificate. Additionally I have my home set up "Joint owners with right of survivorship" and designated who is to have this. Just met with my attorney and he indicated that my estate will not have to go through probate because of the way I have set it up. Depending on the size of the estate you may need to set up a trust. Just depends on how involved it it.

There are some things in here added to my previous post. See especially paragraph 5 starting with: "This next part is really important."

I am 72, close in age to you whaleyf, and I hope to live a long life too. You did your son a big favor by discussing the inevitable with him and doing all you have already done.

My mother's documents were created in 2006. The new elder law attorney I hired in 2018 said the documents didn't contain everything he would like and that updated documents would have been better. Anyway we are working with the 2006 documents.

From my experience with my mom and her 2006 documents, here is what I would suggest. Either you or your son should call your doctors, hospitals, banks, mortgage companies, credit card companies, insurances including health insurance, investment companies, annuity and/or Certificate of Deposit companies, pension companies, and any other companies that your son might have to deal with on your behalf if you were deemed incapacitated or if you died. Don't forget Social Security. Ask them how to get your son recognized and authorized as your DPOA within their company.

Each company has a different procedure but for most of them I had to send in a copy (usually fax or postal mail) of the DPOA document and a letter from me requesting that I be recognized and authorized as DPOA for my mother within the individual company. The company's legal department then basically checks out the DPOA to make sure it is valid and enters it into the company's computer system.

This next part is really important: MAKE SURE THE COMPANY SENDS YOU A LETTER STATING THAT THEIR COMPANY RECOGNIZES AND AUTHORIZES YOUR SON AS YOUR DPOA AND CAN SPEAK TO AND DEAL WITH THEIR COMPANY ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BUSINESS MATTERS WITH THAT COMPANY. In most companies, that letter took them about 2 weeks to send to me.

Now I keep copies of mother's DPOA document, doctor's statement of incapacity, and the letters from the different companies together in a small portable binder. It makes it easier for me to see at a glance if I have already contacted a company.

Here's something else I learned. One annuity company wouldn't speak to me over the phone because they said the DPOA I had sent them was more than 5 years old and they considered it expired. They sent me an affidavit to complete stating that the DPOA was still current. I had to have it notarized and fax it back to them. They refused to talk with me until that affidavit was returned. Not a difficult task but it added a couple of more weeks to getting paperwork I needed quickly.

One of mom's banks, required a copy of her revocable trust document or they wouldn't talk to me about any bank asset listed in the trust even though I had a valid DPOA. They said the DPOA didn't include anything in the trust (again, I was working with 2006 trust and DPOA documents). They wanted my mother to sign a document stating that I could deal with her assets listed in her trust. Since she was legally incapacitated by that time, I made an appointment for both mom and myself with her long-time lawyer. The lawyer created one document in which mom resigned (quit) as Trustee of the Trust and another document naming me as the new Trustee of the Trust. It worked.

Four practical tips: 1. Banks used to send any fax free for you if you were their customer. Now they have some pretty strict limitations. My bank still provided free notary services since my mother and I are their customers. 2. The public library in my town had the lowest prices for faxing documents. 3. When you call a company that you already have a letter from, tell the customer service rep up front that you have that letter. 4. If you are calling a company on your cell phone, have the phone plugged in because you can wait a long time. Murphy's law says (and I can attest to this) that your unplugged phone charge will die as soon as you start to talk to the customer service that you waited so long for.

Onward!