For as long as I’ve lived my mother has had stints in and out of mental health institutions basically for being deranged.
Around August of 2020 she had a bipolar manic “break” after not having been on medications for 3 months by inability to take it at first (in the hospital with covid) and then, sheer choice.
After staying up all hours of the night, OBSESSIVELY screaming/preaching straight from her bible and laughing at EVERYTHING among other crap she demanded I give her my car keys for a vehicle I bought, pay for, and has nothing to do with her as far as the importantes are concerned. Said no.
She physically attacks me.
Present day, we’re dealing with this again. Her job was so concerned with her behavior toward staff, literally refusing to serve customers for no reason in addition to OBSESSIVELY cleaning while people are waiting on her or after hours (staying past 8pm cleaning!!!)
I can’t force her to take her meds, medical professionals are being lied to by her. Tomorrow I put my foot down and will send a very long and very explicit email to the so called resident in charge because waiting for the mania to kick in might just get someone killed some day.
What does one do??? She’s not even that old clearly can still work etc. but the mental illnesses render her absolutely useless unless you’re looking for security I suppose. (The humor helps in this all).
From some sources, I’ve learned as people age mental health patterns when dealing with things like bipolar disorder can become more severe, I have a feeling at some point she will take a turn for the worse and start having symptoms of dementia/Alzheimer’s as her father did.
If I get power of attorney, can I make the executive decision that she needs an injection instead of her keeping up with meds? (This is what she did before the stupid decision was made to switch to pills).
Playing phone tag, having to show up at her job to fix things, she basically is a child that you can’t force to do anything no matter how beneficial we all know medication is. The woman’s ran a business when she’s fine. I’m at a loss, and we’re all so sick and tired of her only wanting and being in this life for herself.
Advice?
Any and all is welcome!
You are not an MD and are not trained as an MD and are not ever going to be in charge of what medications are available to your mother.
Were I you I would do ANYTHING but be POA. She is likely not going to be cured; that is rare. She may be managed, but even when a correct drug cocktail is found for mentally ill folks, it often does not work over time and requires constant fine tuning.
I would understand, were it me, that you did not cause this and you cannot cure this. I would leave my Mom in the guardianship of the state for placement and medication. I would visit and the timing of my visits would be shorter or longer dependent on her condition.
The choice is yours. You cannot change anything here; you have no choices; and you are only responsible for your own life. Take it in your own hands and live it. Your Mom is mentally ill and we know not enough at this point to cure mental illness. I am so sorry, but you can give your life over to this, or have your own life.
She is not your responsibility, and at this point there really is not much you can do, except stay as far away from her as you can. She is a grown woman, and if she doesn't feel the need to take her medications, then she will have to live with the consequences. That is on her, not you. The best thing you can do for yourself, is distance yourself as much as possible, as there will come a day soon, when all hell will break lose, and she will end up in an institution again.
I hope and pray that you don't live with your mom, and if you do. please move out ASAP.
Your mom needs help. More than you can provide. And you are correct that folks who suffer from mental issues are much more likely to develop dementia down the road.
And as far as you getting mom to let you be her POA, good luck with that. Even if she allows it, depending how it is worded will depend on how much you can do. Most POA's don't come into effect until the person for whom it is for is declared by a DR. to be incompetent.
You have your hands full for sure, and I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I think it's time to step away(for your own sanity's sake) and let the chips fall where they may. Sounds like mom's a ticking time bomb, and you really don't want to be around when that bomb goes off.
It isn’t her fault that she has mental illness. I realize that you care about her well being. Nevertheless, you are being abused. You do not deserve to be abused. It will continue as long as you are in her presence.
People have to want help in order to receive it. You cannot force help on her. I do not know whether or not your mom is even capable of wanting to receive help. Can you share a bit more? Were her moods stabilized in the past with proper medications and therapy?
Do you and your mom live together?
I read online that 'Mental illness often has a 'ripple effect' on families'. What an understatement that is!
My own take is some folk need others to support their life, just can't paddle their own canoe. You can join your canoes together but steering & paddling hers when she can't will take up so much of your energy it may prevent steering & paddling your own.
She won't have the empathy, insight or ability to set you free. So you will both start living HER life - unless you can have good, clear boundaries. That is certainly possible.
May I ask what age range you are? Happily dating/relationships/partnered? Studying, working?
Again, I’m very impressed.