How do you care for your parent when they have always had some form of mental illness?

You have been through so much. I wish I could say I can't relate, but things are going in that direction for me, now, as well. I completely understand the hurt feelings. It's embarrasing, humiliating, and demeaning. I cry (inside, and sometimes outwardly) daily, and cringe with every phone call or encounter, wondering what I will have to face next. I'm guessing you can relate to that.

For all you've been through, I commend you. You are definitely one of the hero, angel Caregivers. May your rewards be many. I pray for your comfort and healing during this difficult time. And I pray this is just the relief you and your husband need to see him through his difficulties as well. While it's often dark in the valley, we do not have to walk alone. Take care, hero!

Actually this is Mom's house. It is one of the reasons I feel so guilty about having to do this. She has 3 houses and when my brother died I moved in the one across the road so I could be closer to her and I rented out my old house ( about 15 miles away). She wouldn't take rent though I've offered it a few times. Now she keeps telling me this is her property and her house. I know all that.
I'm not trying to take anything of hers but that's what she keeps telling people. I've got somebody living in my old house and they are good renters. I don't want to make them move. If mom is able to come back she needs someone to take care of her. She needs someone to take care of her yards and her property as far as mowing the yard. Also there are no neighbors that are close enough to see her houses and property. We've had several things stolen since we've lived here ( riding lawn mower, push mowers, air tank,etc). I'm sure if we moved they would break into her old house and take all her stuff. Dad and brother both had lots of tools and farm stuff that are still sitting there. My husband is certainly in no shape to move now. What is really funny is that my brother lived with her til his death (except for a year or two when he was married) and he didn't pay rent or help with the bills. He had a couple that sometimes helped him living in mom's other house and they didn't pay rent. Not that there was anything wrong with that. She wanted him there I'm sure. I just don't understand why she makes me out to be this bad, terrible person. I was living on my own making house payments and paying my bills for several years. It's funny cause when i was growing up and my dad was building this house he told everyone it was for me to live in when I got older. of course when I grew up I wanted to live on my own and did from 1984 til 2001. I didn't get married even til 2000. I did not foresee us having to put her in AL back when I moved over here in 2001. She was doing fine on her meds then. She seems to think it was all just a big plan to take her property from her.
The deal at church really upset me, sis. I burst out crying and ran out the door. That room full of accusing eyes just got to me.
I had already tried to talk to mom's SS teacher about this. I was kind of fearing she was making those kind of accusations. The SS teacher just brushed me off and said everything was fine. Then a couple months or so later I get called into the SS room. I talked to the pastor later that day and he said he didn't know mom was mentally ill (he's a new pastor), or that I had already discussed the matter with the SS teacher, or that she was going to bring me in front of the class. He apologized. The SS teacher sort of apologized.

Ambushed. That's a good term. I used to enjoy my small town. We've been here for 10 years. It was a quiet, peaceful little place to live...until bringing my mom here to live. I'm finding her "friends" aren't as friendly as I once encountered, and some cool receptions and suspicious reactions are found where once we enjoyed warmth and anonymity. Lots of people know us in this small town, but my mother's false accusations and bitter spirit is ruining the joy I once felt in living here. I can't even go to her apartment for a visit without feeling like a "criminal." Her disdain and lies are ruining my credibility, instead of hers. It makes me sick to think about it. She can still perform to the audience at hand. Someday, they will see her for what she is, but I'll probably always be "the bad guy." What a nightmare it has been moving mom from where she was.

I feel for you with the Sunday School incident. How did you handle it? After all that, I'm surprised you kept her in your home. (Except, I know, she's your mom.)

It will be interesting to hear how things go for your mom today. What do they suggest to you if she refuses to go?

Thanks sis, it is today. And thanks for the tips on making it easier for her to adjust. Mom does have a Bible story book she i fond of. I will take that for sure.
Speaking of the "enablers". That brought back some memories. My mother was using her Sunday School class for that. She would tell them awful stories of abuse by my husband and that I was trying to take her land and all her money. I kept getting a cool reaction by some of the ladies in church. I was kind of suspicious that sort of thing was going on. It all came out one Sunday when I got called into mom's SS class and ambushed about my husband "beating her".

Hi lucy, my Dad is a little different, in that he has Alzheimer's. He was getting into neighbor's mailboxes, and being inappropriate with women (still is) and children, so his doctor suggested I take him to ER. I had to drive 200 miles down from my home to theirs to offer him a ride to the police station, or to "the Doctor." Hardest thing I've had to do, by far, as daughter. He chose "doctor," saying he'd been "nasty." While there, they put him in a gown, and handed me his clothes (so he couldn't run off). I sent mom home (with my husband driving), and stayed with him. I thought they'ed admit him. But they sent him to a Geriatric Psychiatric unit at a hospital in another city. I watched him try to resist the EMTs who drove the amublance, as they put him on a stretcher. (Dad was an EMT for over 18 years). Though he was really resistant, they convinced him to comply. It was so hard seeing that. Then hubby and I followed behind his ambulance. Dad was really angry, but they took him for "stabilization," and eventually medications helped with that. They didn't suggest we visit at first, but wait a while. He was there one month, and we visited a few times. Mom, too, separately. From there, he was admitted to a Nursing Home, not of our choosing. We visited as often as we could; again, not a lot at first, at their suggestion, giving him time to adjust. After several months, and a serious illness and hospitalization, I finally moved him closer to me, where he will remain. But we're talking Alzheimer's in his case. Unfortunately, he is still struggling with some of the same issues, and declining due to the course of his disease.

My mom is a different story. Talk about struggling with mental illness! We're just wondering what to expect next. So far, she is lucid enough, and convincing enough to sidestep my efforts to change things. She is trying to convince "friends" (enablers) that I am lying about her, and saying I'm "abusing" her. Wow! She refused to let me escort her into the Psychiatrist's office the other day. This is becoming a living nightmare. (I'm sure I don't have to say more about that to you.)

We thought she had some dementia, but never realized it was more. A diagnosis of PD rocked my thinking, and mom is definitely rocking my world. Looking back, I connect the past with remembrances of how she always did (unless placated). So, this is an ongoing journey for us, as well.

Staff says they adjust in time, and I've seen that. Each person adapts to the AL or NH environment differently, so you never know how things will turn out for your mom. EMTs are trained to deal with these types of behaviors, and do better than we could at getting someone to comply with them. This has got to be an anxious time for you, but your mom is probably in very reliable hands, and things will probably turn out OK. Your job will be to convince your mother of your concern for her welfare, and the wonderful love you have for her. She will most likely settle in to a routine with her new facility, and receive the support and routine she needs. As long as she knows you love her and will visit from time to time, that should help. You can talk to her Social Worker for suggestions to ease her transition, maybe even calling ahead, to get some ideas of what to expect.

We took picture frames of happy times for my Dad's walls and tables. We sent loving cards and messages, flowers and balloons, even musical greeting cards, and ones with recordable messages of our voices. We tried to surround him with a few of his favorite things: his Bible, favorite books and magazines, etc. (Just some thoughts...)

Ease your mind, and let the professionals take things from here. You can relax in knowing this is common, and many are very good at what they do. Your mom, like many others, may adjust better than you can imagine. Time will tell. I know it's a difficult process to go through, and we'll still processing. But you and your mom will be OK. Will be praying for her move. Is it today? Praying for you, and your husband, as well.

The one she will be at is about 30 min. away. They will move her to another one closer (same people own it) when a room opens up. They said I could visit whenever I want. Since hubby is having surgery next week I may not be able to visit as much during that time since the hospital is about 20 min. in the other direction. They haven't suggested anything in the way of visits. I am going to wait a while before I take her anywhere. They said I could take her out and drive her to town or visit people ,etc. but I'm afraid I wouldn't get her back in. I am feeling bad that I had to do it cause I know its not what she wants, but on the other hand the thought of her coming home now scares me. The daily drama is so stressful. I'm just hoping that she won't fight with the ambulance people. I'm afraid she'll act up and they will not want to take her. If I take her she won't get out of the car. Mom was diagnosed over 20 yrs. ago. She was sick long before that though. How did your dad handle being placed in a care facility?

That sounds like a place my dad is at. There's a mixture of differing conditions residing in one facility. Makes life interesting. So does dealing with a Personality Disorder diagnosis. Don't know how long you've had her diagnosis, but it sure changes the way you look at them, doesn't it? It's not just mom with an attitude, but mom with an attitude for a reason. Something to blame it on. But it's still hard, isn't it? Though it's still mom, which makes is harder, it seems. So, are you close by? What do they suggest for your visits? Right away, or wait awhile? What are your thoughts about having her placed here? And, are you doing well?

Sis, I'm not really sure but I think I will probably be taking her to the Mental health clinic every few months. The AL facility has two sections. One is for people who are totally ambulatory and can come and go as they please (don't have to worry about them wandering off). Mom is in the other part that is locked down so she won't be able to get out on her own. I don't know if they have any others there that have a condition like hers. Most of them appeared to have alzheimer's or dementia of some sort.

Dear lucy, I feel for both you and your mom. So good to hear from you. This could be just what you and your husband need to recover from all the emotional crisis you have endured lately . Since he needs rest for adequate healing, and you need it to cope with everything, consider this as part of God's plan for everyone for right now. Can you accept that as answered prayer? Your mom may well end up getting her needs met in a different way for now. She may even adjust beautifully. You never know how it will go, except I am beginning to understand that things aren't always smooth where mental illness exists.

I'm curious; what type of AL facility will she be going to? Do they make allowances for people with her condition? What types of support are there for her and for you? Will she continue to see a counselor while in AL?

Thanks for letting us know where things stand. We will continue to keep you and your husband and mom in prayer. Hoping you all have your needs met, and that surgery goes well for your husband. Take care of you, as well.

I want to quit smoking too Neon. So much stress right now I'm smoking more than before. Mom is being discharged from Behavioral Health tomorrow and is suppose to be transported by an ambulance service to an assisted living center. I told her that she was going to an asst. living today. One of the counselors was with us. It didn't go well at all. I knew it wouldn't. I tried to talk to her and the counselor did too but no luck. I just hope the ambulance service will go ahead and take her tomorrow. One that I called said they couldn't take her if she refused so I called another one and they felt like they could deal with it. I'm praying all goes well. I am hoping this is temporary and she will get better and be able to come home but the doctor didn't give me much hope in that area. He told me she was "as good as she's gonna get". I do believe God performs miracles so I'm praying for one. I know she needs to be there for sure until my hubby has his surgery on the 8th and has recovered somewhat from that. He doesn't need to be dealing with all this stress right now though.

Thank you I will let you know and if I can get it published I will send you all a autogrAPHED FREE COPY THERE WILL LOTS OF EYE OPENERS AND SADNESS IN THERE TO BUT ULTIMATELY THERE WILL BE TRIUMP SEE THIS TYPING THATS WHY I HAVEN'T STARTED IT YET HOPEFULLY ONE MORE WEEK THAN i WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE THE SPLINT OFF AND START TYPING AWAY.

AS FOR SMOKING I THOUGHT I LET GOD ME IN CONTROL BUT GUESS I WAS FOOLING MYSELF NOW HAVE TO START OVER AND I DON'T WaANT TO I WANT THAT CIGARETTE. YES I'M A SURVIVOR AND EVERYTIME I SAY SOMETHING TO MY SISTER JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING I CAN TELL SHE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT SHE ALWAYS SAYS WELL SHE'S GETTING OLDER I KNOW LOTS OF PEOPLE OLDER THAN MY MOTHER WHO ARE AS SHARP AS A TACK AND SO IS SHE WHEN IT SUITS HER. I JUST REFUSE TO BE TREATED LIKE A MAID SOMETHING HAS TO BE SAID IF I TAKE A DAY OFF SO FROM NOW ON I JUST KEEP IT TO MYSELF THEREFORE WE WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO TALK ABOUT EITHER. I GUESS WITH OUR CHILDHOOD WE REALLY CAN'T HAVE A SISTER RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE OR MY IDEA OF CLOSENESS IS DIFFERENT THAN MY SISTERS. WHO THE HECK KNOWS

Neon, been there. Every time I tried to quit, I failed. God had to help me. He can do what we can't. I can relate to the fever blisters, too, mostly brought on by stress. Let us know when you write that book. Hang in there; you're in a difficult situation, but you are a survivor. Take care! :)

well at least some of you can get your mother to a spyc meeting mine will tell anyone who will listen there is nothing wrong with her mind so I go to get me fixed I hope I fell off the wagon quit smoking for 69 days, smoked all this past week got a huge fever blister e verytime she freaks me out I get one but I am thankful you are all here and as soon as I get this stupid splint off I am writing a book Living with Narciccistic/alcholic parents (One story) I think it will be very theraputic and who knows I might make a buck.LOL

Sister,
Hope all is well. Keep us posted. We are praying for you.
Linda

Let us know how it goes today, sis. I will be thinking about you.
We want them to be happy, or at least content. I hope this will help you both.

Piratess, I think you have some definite opinions on some of these issues! Keep talking, because people need to know what's going on out there. What can be done about it is a different story.

Yep you sound like me when I was off the 4 weeks on FMLA. I wanted to scream to the rooftops about everything just like you...the truth. I felt like no one was listening either and there was no help either. They say there is so much help out there...and when I made a million calls NADA. I remember sitting a couple of weeks ago in my mom's backyard on a bench that I bought and put over there and was crying my eyes out. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I told the therapist I went to go see for myself that..and the snotty answer was...there's no such thing as a nervous breakdown (then my mom's therapist told me the same). Well why in the heck do I still hear that term being used? I only had one session with that B***H. Word of advise ladies and gent....if the therapist does not acknowledge NPD...get out of there and get someone who DOES!!!!!! The only thing that she said that rang true was that we were not safe to be together. So that took care of me having to move in...NOPE...NADA...NO WAY.

So Sis, I think you are trying too hard...it seems when you do that everything flies back in your face, seems that happens to me too. Who cares what that nurse said, what a snotass! She's not the one who is going to diagnose your mom the Dr. is. Hopefully he WILL PRESCRIBE MEDS. Seems like they want a nation of mentals disturbing the peace doesn't it.

(Just like they let that child sex offender back on the streets in California just so he could nab that little 11 year old 18 years ago...just think if they would just put away those that cannot never be cured...she would have had a normal life. ( Newstory hot in the news right now.) It's too bad the government did away with the Mental Institutions like they did in the old days..now I know they were horrid back then, but if they brought them up to speed (no unnecessary cruelty and experiments) and really accepted the mentally incapable it would help a lot in society! )

gvergrl, lovingdaughter and Piratess, I so appreciate your support and understanding. I wish I had a week to prepare, but Mom's appointment is on Monday at 11:00am. So little time to prepare a lifetime of observations! And he may/may not even scratch the surface before meeting us. I asked my little sister for help, because she KNOWS, and got a little, but then she turned on me, as usual. So I fight alone. The golden child wants to keep her free of tarnish, I guess. What sick games we've had to endure.

I've been thinking about the "less is more" theme. I've been trying to share my observations for almost two years, with varying results. So thankful that a couple listened. I do need more help, though. This is a very rough road. I figure if things don't go well on Monday, I'll go back to the clinic, and ask for a second opinion. They had someone else in mind, and if we don't find the help necessary, I will seek a different approach. It's a tenuous place to be, when they listen to a abusing adult, whose children suffered untold misery, then go on to protect the "poor little elder" who is still playing the "poor old me" card. When it's my word against mom's, many are willing to believe her, because she can be very convincing. She knows how to play on the sympathy of others, and lie through her teeth to protect her image. I just want the truth told, once and for all. If only I have that opportunity, and they'd believe.

I talked to the nurse at the psychiatrist's office today, and she said something about what's in the best interest of the patient, and that this may be a court issue, for them to decide. Since when does a doctor turn things over to a court? Why are they so ready to protect someone they haven't even met, when I'm trying to get help for her, and they are willing to have me removed as guardian before I even talk to them? This is getting ridiculous!!! She also said they would value my input. I'll guess that remains to be seen. Mom won't, that's for sure! She'll lie her way out of anything I try to say. That's why I was trying to get my sister's back up. And my husband has seen some things, too. When will the professionals stop and listen to BOTH sides, and let the truth come out? I've never seen so much tap dancing in my life, except for the egg shells we grew up with. I sure could use some prayer through this.

Thanks for responding, and for listening. I am sure you understand, and believe me. Just wish you could help me with my mom! Thanks for being here, and thanks for your prayers.

I guess from what I am finding this same scenario with these types of parents gets played out over and over. Remember when I mentioned going on Oprah, I happen to stumble on her website and there is a blog post already in the works for several years...when I read a bit...it was the same stories and woes that I have read on several others. It is the same mess. So now that we know it is very prevalent, I am pissed the professionals say it is such a small percent of the population. The reason why they SAY IT IS SO SMALL, I think it's because it is a HIDDEN DISEASE. So you would think the mental health professional and the police authorities which are the closest to this WOULD SPEAK UP! What the F**K? Excuse my francoise.

Oh well, let's keep in mind when we all get a better handle on this to maybe do something about it.

Well when I took my mom to her first psych meeting. The doctor asked her one question what was the date...she didn't respond, so he turned around and I blurted out everything in a quick snapshot, she was grumbling under her breath...they hate the truth, they bury it in their psyche and make themselves righteous on the outside. YUCK...not fooling me NO MORE, not since I discovered NPD several months ago. So I am taking it day by day....it's all you can do.

Sister,
When I had many concerns about my mom's health, I wrote a letter with each concern listed with the little bullet dots so that the DR. could not miss them. Then I faxed it to him one week before her appointment. When he came into the room, he had read it, knew my concerns and had gotten me the answers so that we didn't spend time going over each explanation of every point. It was so helpful. Having it ahead of time gave him the time to prepare, and I didn't forget anything that I wanted to discuss with him since it was all written down. Hope this helps. Good luck. We are all here for you.
Linda

I know what you mean, gvergrl. i think the solace that we find here amongst fellow sufferers can be addictive. Especially when you have never talked about "it" before.
When i find myself coming to this site at work than i know i need to back off and give it a rest for awhile.
i count you all as a blessing and i know you will be here for me
whenever i check in.

I was reading the 'count your blessings' post back from May. A girl was telling her mom that she was on this site too much. I feel that way about me now. I need to wean a bit. I have had a place to sit and rest (and learn a mountian's worth,) through the worst of this infection of mine, but I need to push my way through the discomfort and get on with things. School is coming and I need to get things ready.
I know you all will be here when I need ya, and I will check in a bit when I feel you may need me. You all will be in my daily thoughts anyway. (as will all of those kids crying on the back porch wondering how to fix what's wrong. I pray for them.) I just thought it was my family, my fault. now it could be any family, anywhere. any kid, any face.
but, laundry. bathrooms.dust...eech.

Thank you for your response, gvergrl. I think you have a good grasp on things, and value your input. I will do exactly what you propose, and then some.

I have emailed my sister, asking for the same. She slipped and slid all over the place, and sent back such a jello response, I almost cried.

But then she wrote some of her observations. I'll copy them for use if needed. What a strange world with mental illness. I cry for my past, and for the defensive position this has put me in. Why do I need to defend me? My goodness, can't they see?

Less is more.
They see more than we will ever know.
Let them know what duties you have taken over.
She will howl, they'll go,'Um-hmm"
Don't label her. let them do that.
Let them know what you think may need to be done for her better interest and her safety.
She will howl, they will go,"mmm-hum."
Let them know WHAT YOU NEED for your mental safety, health and well being.
she will wail, and howl, and fuss, and fume and they will know everything you have gone through with out you having to say a word.
All of this is new to us, but they have been studying this and have been exposed to this their entire working lives.

...and I am hoping that is good advice, because that is how I plan on handling it.

Dear gvrgrl, you have my heart in your thoughts. I can so relate to what you say, and many of your feelings. I wonder if stress causes sinus problems, as mine are increasing lately. Bummer for all this mess.

I feel suspended right now, waiting for mom's upcoming psychiatric visit on Monday. Just talked to them, and they are willing to hear my input. Where do I start? What do I say? What's in our best interests? I'm in turmoil, and mom will not like to hear ANY of what I'd like to share. What a mess! I have the weekend to put some things together and fax them to the Doctor. Lord, give me clarity of thought and strength to get through this. Any suggestions?

Candy, closets, hoarding...I wonder if we all look alike too.
I also worry that if I expose too much, then someone will recognise me and hell will break loose...but I could be any one of you. And the more I read on other sites, yipe.

I keep thinking,"you have a good handle on this, now you need to walk away and not nurse this thing."
Then, I think, maybe I just think I have a good handle and when the money finally gets taken away...will I be able to handle the fury? When mom's car is taken away? (The doctor has already agreed to be the bad guy and have her license revoked, but not yet... I am so NOT looking forward to her losing her means of independence.) If the earth starts to change rotation on it's axis, you'll know the deed was done. Don't bother checking in for the news reports, you'll know.
Also, I have become attached to you all, and worry for you. I also was thinking that mitzipink should be here on this thread as well, I worry for her too. This thread is like a validation of sanity. We can all use that. Some days more than others.

I have two black eyes this morning. I look like either some drug addict, or an abused spouse. If any of you have a cure for sinus infections, I would love to hear them. I do saline rinse, and it's helping, but is is three weeks today and I am getting weary of it.
Doctor is out, no money. Business is dead. I am better than I was, but I am ready to be well now.

Good for you all. My mom has so much crap in our basement that she does not want to throw away. So ,when we move , it is all going into storage(unless it gets thrown out) and she is paying for it. Not bringing it to our new home!!! Good for you. Purge. Sent a caregiver with her car filled to the roof with stuff from the basement yesterday. It will go to good use at her church soup kitchen and clothing drive. Mom and my husband, he is just as bad, will never miss it. Have a good night all!
Linda

Piratess, I've been doing yard sales with my mom and dad's stuff. Same stuff. Tons of everything. My sis and I threw out all the expired food. Just last month I finished with expiration dates from 2003. Find the thread on "Hoarding." I wrote lists of stuff there, and we have the same mom's I think, clothes, food, tape and all. Even alcohol. I poured it down the drain, so the whole city could enjoy it. LOL Then we'd put out the trash on Fridays when Mom was getting her hair done. Kinda weird to read such an alarmingly similar story. No doubt we're related.

Just got back from mom's. She wasn't frothing at the mouth. She was even nice to my big and little guys. Now I'm thinking BiPolar, cuz she was a different creature yesterday. Glad it's over.

My mom and dad stored a ton of stuff in the garage, tons of can goods. Last year I opened up a cupboard in the garage and said to my mom what is with all this stuff? "Oh I am going to eat it" she said. I said oh yeah this stuff is all old and expired. "Oh no it's still good". I said oh yeah go ahead and make yourself sick. Then I said to her look at this stuff, one huge can of plums had exploded over time. What a mess. She had her gardner (which she uses as a lacky - she over pays him to get him to do odd jobs for her) clean most of it out. Because she could not admit it to me, she instead got rid of the evidence...clever cow. Well since I go over there a lot more I have been cleaning out cupboards and drawers whenever I can, (at least stuff she does not readily notices). She had so much sugar stashed in the garage, I think I finally got rid of all of it. What a waste of food I thought. My co-worker at work says the hoarding is because of the World War II and Depression era thinking. But geez folks..the 60's 70's and 80's where all good no reason to stash stuff. I tossed bottles of oil, and finally that friggin can of plums I pried off the shelf..it was empty cause it exploded. There is so much alchohol in the house and garage stored away. Either it was gift and stashed or they bought deals and stashed. I don't know how to get rid of all of that. But there is so much more. I have not gone through everything, but a little at a time. I think I already mentioned to you all about all the soap I found...geeeezus! At least I know the Salvation Army will take it! This has really taught me to clean house and not keep everything..it only weighs you down later. There is so much clothes in that house that has never been worn, it's incredible...the thrift shops are going to love me! My mom has clothes from the 60's (maybe even earlier) up until current in that house, and she never got rid of anything of my fathers after he died and that was 10 years ago.
This is the house I get to inherit full of mess and falling into dis-repair. Over the past couple of months I have gotten a lot of stuff squared away. My father would never help me get my own house, he said what do you need a house for, you have a house. I said yeah but that is much later. I guess he never wanted me to have anything better than him. Even when I was 38 and needed a new car they mentioned getting a used one..I SAID WHAT?..no way I am finally capable of getting my own and a new one at that. Then when he knew I could pay for my own car, then he offered, yeah nice gesture - a little late. I remember them bringing over a used car one day and I said you can take it back. I remember them bringing me a big easy chair again from the thrift shop...I guess I was never good for new stuff. When I was a kid I always got their hand me downs. I see so many kids these days with the best of everything...and I think to myself...boy those kids have it so good. And then think back to what I got. I am surprised they bought me a new stereo system when I was in my mid teens.
My mother also keeps all kinds of paper, stuff you usually toss, business cards they stick on your door, ads, I found a million note pads from reality people. I got rid of so much junk. I bought a new shredder to shred stuff. I don't think she liked that..but oh well. I found that she had ripped open two bags of shredded stuff I guess to check what I had done. It looked like a racoon ripped it open..I thought how animalistic. I also found a ton of note pads with the same name and phone numbers written over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over..(yes I am not exaggerating). I am still finding those (she still is making them) and toss them when I find them. Not just one phone book with concise info. But my mother could never keep a neat phone book EVER! She cleaned house immacuately when I was growing up but other things 'oh my gosh'. I remember when I was a kid I had a pencil sharpener on the end of my dad's work bench in the garage, that crazy cow would take her eyebrow pencils (she would shave off her eyebrows and pencil them in badly - emphasis on badly) out there to try to sharpen them, and would gum it up. And I would clean all the treads out and get it going again. No sooner she would try it again. Oy vey! Both parents would get into my desk because I would have everything I needed so they tapped it alot. My mother could never get tape going correctly and would take a paring knife to the tape and then really mess it up by the tape roll now rolling out 6 layers thick of tape. That used to drive me crazy. Now I find tons of tape over there, but not clear tape, masking tape, duct tape, electrical tape. It's like they never knew where they put stuff so they re-bought over and over. Oh I got stories...like we all have. The thrift shop guy said he can use the tape. I said I will round up some and bring you some. LOL

I used to get so mad at mom when I was little. Remember the saying, step on a crack you'll break your mother's back. I used to pound my foot down on every crack I could find. Bad girl. It was the only way I had of getting back at her. Now I don't care. I tell everyone that she's under psychiatric care. Not everyone believes me, but some knew things weren't right. And some know what a struggle I'm going through now. She is so ashamed, and her pride feels it acutely. She hates me saying she's less than perfect. She wants me to pay for "not honoring her." She is my mom. She gets the title, but not the glory. Her children will never rise up and call her blessed. Just mean.