It's kind of a complicated situation but basically the whole reason why they took our grandparents out of the home is because of how my grandpa was living, and the basement which was having issues. The basement is fully fixed now but my grandpa's (who is a severe hoarder) apartment is still not done, we have done our best with no help from guardians and cleared out a bit of the apartment but there is still a lot left and the apartment needs professionals who have tools to make it full inhabitable again.
The guardians have expected us to do everything, and we tried because we want our grandmother home. She was living in the first floor which is completely clean and she is not affected by the mess of the 2nd floor since she lives on the first floor. Now she's been in a nursing home for almost 2 months because of all this and now when her insurance is due the guardian wants to bring her home. They also wanna bring my grandpa home so they want us to fix up the apartment.
And after so long of trying to fix up this apartment with no help or anything we are fed up. We don't want our grandpa home because he's gonna mess it up again and he's happy where he's at and we are tired of being treated like maids when we aren't the ones who did this to his apartment it's been like that for decades and now we are stuck dealing with it. He's the one who put us in the situation to begin with and we wouldn't have guardians over grandma if it wasn't for him. He also owns a property and has a lot of money that the guardian can use to get professional cleaners to come but she doesn't think that my grandpa should have to pay for anything with the house.
So is it possible for us to tell the guardians that we can't do the rest we and we can fill up a container but then we wanna be done with it. We don't support him coming back and we don't wanna be involved in having to keep the apartment tidy when he returns. We just feel completely powerless when it comes to the guardians because it feels like they can just come and take our grandma out of the apartment if we don't do everything they tell us to do.
Walk away from the apartment, and let the cleaning-out be the landlord's problem. Grandpa will lose his security deposit, but who cares?
What kind of medical issues do your grandparents have ? What do they need help with , bathing , meals , incontinence etc ?? More info would be helpful to get answers.
If grandparents need a lot of help , probably best to leave them where they are and not bring them home.
You keep saying “ we want grandma home “ . But is that realistic ??
You have no power here . The guardians have all the power over where grandma lives , no matter how much cleaning you do or don’t do.
I’m guessing it’s better off that neither comes home anyway.
They just want us to clean up his aparment so they don't have to pay themselves. Our grandpa newly was diagnosed with dementia and we aren't interested in caring for him he can stay where he is at if they can pay for it.
If you bring grandma home , that's 24/7 caregiving. I'm not sure when you say we if it's 2 or more. It takes a lot to take care of someone 24/7.
Recks havic on a family, the family's physical and mental health.
I hope you realize your grandmother could live for years, with one problem after another. It is constant doctors appointments.
Rearranging her apartment so she doesn't get out and wander off. Something so she doesn't turn the oven on
It never ends.
Best of luck
She also has seizures which the nurses at the nursing home can't be ontop of her 24/7 and is more comfortable at home where she had wished to be. I'm not asking about if we should have her come home or not, it is a no brainer for us. My parents worked as nurses aids so they know what to do. Our grandma means the world to us so no matter how hard it is we wouldn't let her go to a nursing home if we can care for her ourselves.
My great aunt was in a nursing home and died after only a few months and declined so rapidly, we don't want that for our grandma.
I was assuming the guardians were other family members . 🤦♀️
Good luck ,
Give us updates , your experience could help others .
I’m curious as we have a tricky situation just forming and not sure how it’s going to land and each time in the past one of us had POA . But this time someone may have to be appointed guardian .
And I think one bit of advice we got was that with whatever you wanna do it's good to have your family be united and on the same page because its once the family starts disagreeing where these outside people being to come and try to take over. We unfortunately couldn't get all family members to unite despite trying but I think that's the reason everything went wrong.
Not sure what you mean her insurance is due. The guardian is now in charge of your grandparents money. Its up to them to pay bills out of your grandparents funds. Tell them, grandpop cannot return home. Your are not cleaning up his mess only to have to clean it up again. You have lives. to live.
if this guardian is a family member, they are imho a real POS.
if this guardian is an outsider appointed by the court, they are lazy.
If you are the guardian, it is all on you to deal with.
Unless you & your fellow grandchildren have been legally placed by a judge to be the Guardian or Conservator for your grandparents, you have no - none - nada - zero responsibility for anything for the grands.
If this was a hoarder situation and they were a forced removal from the home, I’m guessing that APS aka Adult Protective Services was involved in the process and likely also your city / county safety & permit type of department. When this happens there often is an “emergency ward of the State” done so the judge has issued orders for this to happen and from that point on that appointed person is 100% responsible for deal with this mess. Was this the backstory?
Well whatever the case IF you choose to or your parents or Aunts & Uncles choose to do stuff at the hoarder house, that is your choice to do and done under a sense of familial concern but NOT required. The only way I can see you having to deal with this sh*tshow is IF you were a resident at the home at the time and this is a known fact as your drivers license has this as your address, so you bear some degree of responsibility. Otherwise that guardian can pound sand.
Your grands have monthly income paid to them by Social Security; they also own property IN ADDITION to the hoarder home. They have health insurance. They have assets that can be sold to pay for whatever needed to BOTH pay to get this hovel of a home cleaned & fixed up to be market ready to be sold AND to private pay for them to stay at the current NH. They may have other assets as well. All - ALL - of their assets totally fall under the purview of that guardian to repair, sell, liquidate, close out etc to provide for funds needed for both of them to continue to stay in a facility that meets their levels of care needed. And that guardian can pay themselves a fee (the State has a $ amount affixed for the fee). If they are taking fee and at the same time pressing on free family labor, that is total nonsense.
imho as long as you cling to a vision of grannie moving back to the house and life will be oh so nice, this guardian has power over you. And they know it….
You mentioned a dumpster, do NOT do anything that makes you responsible for this rental. Having a container placed can get really costly real fast as this type of biz is able to do loads (pun intended) of add on fees to the perhaps seemingly low rental.
Who is this "guardian"? Is it a family member and was the guardianship done legally? This part is important. If it's an informal arrangement and not done legally in writing, that's something different.
Now, you can petition the court to get yourself appointed your grandmother's guardian if grandma is mentally incompetent and you can prove her current guardian is not acting in her best interests.
You cannot however prevent your grandfather from coming back to his home. This guardian person is supposed to be administering their funds on their behalf. That means paying for professional help to clean the house out and to make repairs to it if necessary.
If this person expects to drop gram and gramps back off in the hoard because their insurance is running out, they're going to very likely rip them off and commit financial elder abuse.
Igloo is right. This guardian person is banking on your ignorance of how care facilities operate and elder care operates.
Just because you're ignorant of it doesn't mean you have to stay that way.
Have a consultation with a lawyer. The first meeting is free. If you don't have money try calling Legal Aid services to see if there's anything that can be done so this guardian person can't take advantage. Even visit the probate court in their town. The people there will point you in the right direction on what actions you can take.
Igloo is also right about this guardian person being a real POS and lazy. They have a legal obligation to act in the best interests of your grandparents and they are not doing that. You can be sure they're collecting their pay though.
If there is no court overseeing this, there is no guardianship, that is always administered under a court, period. If this is the case, an attorney should be contacted about someone getting legal guardianship.
Edit: I posted before reading responses. I still say go to the court. Something smells with this situation.
Can you tell them it would be an "unsafe discharge".
You shouldn't be responsible for the clean up effort - it sounds like it is overwhelming - and potentially a dead end anyway if there are problems with the house that will then need to be addressed once the house is cleaned up anyway.
But it also sounds like she probably needs 24/7 care - and in most cases - in home care is not going to sign off on a house that is like you describe and would likely just turn around and report to APS anyway.
Is it possible to move her to a safer home or a SNF or Memory Care?
I think you have been trying to do this to get your grandmother back in her home.
I've read some of the other answers here and your responses. While you could just walk away, you wish to take better care of your grandmother than she is receiving in the Nursing Home. And it sounds like this is important to you.
I don't know who these guardians are that you refer to. It sounds as if some county or state agency has removed your grandparents from the home because it is uninhabitable. That is far too large a chore for you to take on without professional help!
Does the guardian have POA over grandpa's money? Perhaps you - or some family member could get POA over his finances and pay for professionals to come in and make his home habitable.
If Grandpa's hoarding mess is preventing her from coming home, could she go elsewhere? To your home? Or rent an apartment?
You can petition the court to appoint you as Grandma's guardian, and provide suitable living quarters for her. But she may just have to stay in the nursing home. The care is not going to be on the level that you can provide. It may be better, it may be worse. Perhaps you can find a better nursing home for her to be transferred to. Some are better than others.