Can I get restraining order to keep uncle away from father who is in ALF with dementia?

Does you father have a diagnosis of dementia or memory loss in his medical records? If not, this needs to be established so you can work fully to protect him. Maybe it's time for MC for your father? It seems he needs it, and so do you. I would invest a in a consult with an elder law attorney (local to your father's town) who is experienced with elder abuse. I wish you much success in protecting your father.

I assume you can't talk to your uncle about how disruptive he's being by agitating your father, who is not equipped to reason through the conspiracy theories or understand your uncle is being unreasonable. Do you have cousins who could intervene and help with your uncle? Seems he needs some help too.

I am so sorry that your uncle is causing issues for your dad with his delusional outbursts.

If it gets extremely out of hand then I think I would first ask the facility what can be done to prevent visitation. You may even want to speak to an elder care attorney for feedback on these situations.

Best wishes to you and your family.

What is your Dad's diagnosis? Are you his POA? Have you been in contact with the admin at the facility?
If you have POA you can speak with Dad's attorney so there are not fees as long as Dad has a diagnosis indicating he is not mentally capable.
Your Brother-in-law will of course not be able to sue, and it is within the power of the facility to forbid any disruptive visits to their place if they MUST.
The big thing here is does Dad want the brother's visits? He might. And just because his brother is mildly nutty doesn't mean Dad doesn't want to see him.
Basically it comes down to how disruptive these visits are to your father, what your fathers diagnosis is, and what your powers are to act in your Dad's behalf. This actually might be worth a visit to your Dad's lawyer in his behalf if you have power to act.

Your profile says Dad has a Dementia. If this has been diagnosed and is in his Drs records I would say yes u can do something. The AL maybe able to do something with ur permission. I would think the Uncle is effecting other residents. As such, the facility may be able to keep Uncle off the property. Maybe Uncle has Dementia too. With my Moms AL it was a keypad to get in. The code was changed regularly. So, the Uncle would need the code to get in.

Not familar with Trustees. Does this give you the ability to make decisions for Dad? Does Dad know everything concerning his phone. I will assume its a cell. If so, block the Uncles number and take it out of Dads contacts. If he has a Dementia, he will eventually forget how to use the phone and you can take it away.

I would ask the local Police what is needed to get restraining order. As the child you are considered next of kin. Uncle really has no legal say concerning Dad. At my Moms AL I was asked to give them a list of people who could take Mom out of the facility. I would make sure the AL was made aware that no one can take Dad out without your permission. If Dad has been diagnosed with a Dementia, he cannot make informed decisions.

What a poor situation. You will need to find out if your Dad has been officially diagnosed with dementia. Hopefully you have DPOA (I'm not familiar with the rights and duties of a Trustee) and if so you can give the facility a list of those people who can visit your Dad. Of course as one poster indicated, your Dad may be more than happy to see your Uncle, but then there is always the possibility that "out of sight, out of mind". I would think that you might have to check with your attorney and with the local police about this because the primary function of Dads facility is to care for the ill and aged not to be a police force. Their staff is not trained or paid to block the entrance so the police should be warned that they may have to come quickly to remove Uncle in order to protect Dad, residents and staff. Definitely speak with an elder care attorney to see if you can get an order of protection.
Good Luck

This is really tricky. If your father is competent, or if you don’t have a POA, I doubt if you would be able to get a restraining order. I’m not sure what you mean by being his ‘trustee’,and what powers it gives you – it’s usually just about holding assets in trust..

Then the problem is how to enforce it. Uncle will probably see it as part of the conspiracy, and won’t be willing to comply. The ALF may not even see him arrive (unless they have a monitored sign-in system), and they will be very unhappy to have Uncle cracking a scene in the foyer if they try to keep him out. Stopping him phoning is probably hopeless. Going to the police to ask them to prosecute for breaches – they won’t be keen, neither will the magistrate, and of course Uncle will go bananas. Cousin may too. Jailing an old man for contacting his brother peaceably is unlikely.

So, practical steps might be:
1. Contact his doctor, and see if you can get to the point where you feel you can say that this agitation is dangerous for his health. Tell Uncle, tell Cousin. Don’t make it about telling them that their conspiracy theories are crazy – in fact you could even say you agree and that is why it is all upsetting Dad so much. They need to protect him from this horrible truth! (Or some other word that won’t stick in your throat like ‘truth’)
2. Contact the attorney – a letter to attorney and a copy to the office receptionist. Repeat about the doctor. Say Dad can't remember anything about attorney calls. Also say that Dad hasn’t the funds to pay for all these calls (often hits the spot that attorney is wasting own valuable time). You want instructions for the receptionist to say the attorney is very busy and will call back when there is time. Keep copies of the letter yourself, to challenge monstrous bill in the future.
3. Tell Cousin that Uncle wants Dad to leave the ALF. You can’t provide care, and if Dad leaves he may end up living with Uncle. Is Cousin able to help Uncle with the care? Dad is no longer safe to live alone, and if APS gets involved it will be very difficult legally. This may (should) be a real motivation for Cousin.
4. Get Dad’s phone and block calls from Uncle. If you can’t grab it, ‘upgrade’ to a new phone with blocking in place.

These things are worth trying. At least they are cheap options! Good luck, Margaret

You do realize facilities are responsible for their residents? They are there to care for them and make sure they are safe.

With this being said, It is the responsibility of the Facility Administrator to see that things go accordingly. If she is a good one, she already knows what's going on there.

Anyway, What you do is go talk to the Administrator. That is what she is there for. To see that it is run correctly. Her Job.

That's all you need to do.

Geaton

Facilities can LEGALLY put a stop to what goes on in their facility with their residents and outsiders.

TMacdau,

As the DPOA you do have the authority to control who has access to your dad.

Talk to the administrator and ask them how they have dealt with disruptive family members in the past. They have seen it all and they know what can legally be done and how to help the situation.

One challenge that you have is that your uncle has more access, by being there, then you do. Keeping phone calls away is very different than keeping a human away.

Has your dad been diagnosed with dementia? Getting that done can help you immensely. It can stop any changes in his end of life documents from taking place. He named you when he was of sound mind because he trusts you. Don't let his demented mind change that fact for you. He knew that you would do what was best for him.

Have you talked to your uncle and explained that he is causing dad unnecessary upset? I would encourage you to try and get him to understand that dad needs his support and not continual upset. Uncle may be suffering from cognitive decline himself if he can not understand what he is doing to his brother.

Seniors are scared to death of losing their autonomy, you are seeing this fear being projected on your dad from your uncle. Addressing the fact that dad can still do what he is able to do and clarifying that he is not able to do certain things safely may go a long way in soothing the situation.

I kept telling my dad that he was now living like royalty, he had someone that did everything he wanted and needed done, while he could do the things that he wanted to do without worrying about the other stuff. It did help for a while. I also told him that he could do whatever he could do. No help from anyone, just what he could manage. I was blessed that my dad got better and was able to move out and live his life on his terms but, the year he was in care was a daily battle to keep him from doing anything that endangered him. Staying calm will be difficult but oh so helpful for you. Take deep breaths and know that you will be dealing with nonsense when you talk to him.

Best of luck, this is so hard under the best circumstances.

Clearly your uncle is also dealing with significant cognitive decline. Many people cannot accept their own cognitive decline and so they spend their time solving the imaginary problems of others and often cause scenes in the process.

The ALF already has a copy of your trusteeship documents?

You need dates and times of your uncle agitating your father. You especially need the date and time of "the scene". Most ALFs have a guest book to keep track of visitors. You need to call the director, ask for the dates and times of your uncle's visits, and share that you are preparing to take the matter to the attorney because your uncle has caused your dad significant mental distress. Once you have dates and times, correlate them with calls you received from your dad. Then you can provide the attorney with documentation and ask him to write a letter to your uncle informing him that, basically, his calls and visits to your dad are no longer welcome (legal wording of course), the ALF has been instructed to not grant him access, and if he fails to heed this warning then further legal action will be taken swiftly.

This is difficult for you and your dad. I am so sorry that your uncle is causing trouble for your dad.

Does your dad want to see him? Can he simply request to the administration that he no longer wants to have visitation from your uncle?

Or can you explain the situation to the facility and ask that he won’t be allowed to visit? Is it more complicated than denying visitation?

I expect you can prevent your uncle's visits to the facility, and you probably can prevent all contact. But it would be worth speaking to your uncle first. Can you do that?

As your father didn't remember speaking to his attorney, I assume the attorney must have informed you about it. What does the attorney advise?

I don't know if its possible but contact the ALF and let them know that your uncle is not allowed to see his brother due to the disruptions (I am sure they are aware of the antics).  Maybe your uncle is also needing some mental evaluation.  Check with an elder attorney (? not sure if they know what to do), but it does sound like you do need a restraining order of some kind, but IF you do get one how is all the staff at the ALF to know about it (you would have to provide a copy).  Have the phone removed from your fathers room.  I don't know if your father has a cell phone but that might be another thing that should be removed.  Do YOU have the legal rights (POA, etc), if so and no one else does.....no one can take your father out of the home but you.  You need to make sure that the staff knows that IF your father wants to sign himself out, that you need to be notified BEFORE anything happens.  Sounds like your uncle is lonely and doesn't know what to do with himself.  Everyone has had a hard time this year with the virus and stuff and it sounds like the uncle is having a really hard time.  I wish you luck and hopefully someone else on here has some better suggestions.

I won't repeat most of the advice which is spot on. What strikes me is the phone calls. Does your father have a direct line to him from outside rather than through an office transferring the call to him? If he has a direct line, block uncle's number so he can no longer receive the calls. If your dad desires speaking to him, you call while present and put it on speaker. If uncle starts the crazy talk, hang up immediately.

Has your uncle always been an instigator? If not, maybe he has some form of dementia also.

It sounds like your uncle loves his brother very much and is fighting for his rights! I think a restraining order over a disagreement between you and your uncle is WAY out of line! Since you put your father in this place, did you give away his things? So it sounds like the uncle may be speaking some truth that you do not want him to hear. Your father is a person and needs family around him and should NOT be quarantined for no reason.

Short answer yes
You should ask the facility for their guidance they deal with this daily, then consult an attorney. Often a telephone call or letter from Attorney will end this.

Imho, you should contact the ALF and inform them that this gentleman (the uncle) is causing upset and unhelpful actions/phone calls to THEIR patient, your father. Prayers sent.

Please get your father a new phone number. Please place a restraining order with the police. Notify your uncle and his ALF about the restraining order. It is more than ok, VITAL, to protect your father from somebody that is toxic for him.

If he has been diagnosed with dementia (not just knowing he has it), your POA should be sufficient to request ALF put the uncle on the 'Do Not Allow In' list. I should think they would be receptive, if this uncle is "disturbing the force." Uncle upsets dad, makes him difficult to deal with, maybe disturbs other residents. Not only should you have some rights as POA to block him to protect your dad, they will benefit from it as well.

I'm actually rather surprised to hear that they even allow guests in. My mother's facility is combination IL/AL/MC (she's in MC.) NO ONE is allowed in other than staff. Mom was recently put on hospice. One nurse called me tonight and told me even they are not allowed in. They have to keep tabs with the staff nurse and provide what assistance they can without having access. The facility has been allowing outdoor visits, and currently can still allow special short scheduled visits in one area, but that's it. We are not in a very "dangerous" area, but cases are increasing everywhere, and sadly one staff member just tested positive (first one.) Testing was ramped up by the state and if more cases pop up, we'll be back to ground 0 - no visits. For now, AL and MC residents must take meals in their rooms and stay in their rooms (some exceptions allowed for the "traveling" MC residents.)

IL residents are allowed in/out at will. They do have a separate entrance, so they can come and go at their own risk. They are NOT allowed into the common areas for AL or MC. Unclear if they are allowed to have guests.

AL residents, to the best of my knowledge, are requesting supplies, groceries, etc through the staff and are allowed out only for necessary medical treatment (MC residents have also been allowed out for necessary medical as well, but all are encouraged to keep it to a minimum.)

For his phone, if possible have uncle's number blocked. Staff or phone provider (if land line) should be able to do this. If it's a cell, numbers can be blocked easier, but staff would have to try to do this. If it's a land line, consider having the number changed. Generally (at least in the past) this can be done without charge through the phone provider, if there are extenuating circumstances. If you explain it is to protect a vulnerable elder, they should be able to help.

If all else fails, consider the restraining order. I'd also contact the atty dad is calling and ask that the receptionist merely take his name and number and promise a call back, but YOU direct them to NOT call him back, but contact you instead. Clearly if he's not remembering calling them, he's beyond capability to make determinations for himself. It may be time to consider MC. Charges for "working" with someone who is incompetent is borderline (or more) taking advantage of him. If they won't work with you, I'd make sure to fire them - do it with notarized return receipt letter!

It's hard enough managing everything long distance. You certainly don't need this crazy fool stirring up the bee's nest! Once you can get him blocked on the phone and blacklisted for visiting, he will likely turn on you. You can also block his calls and if he continues in other ways, then legal action can be taken to stop him. Sometimes a call to the PD can be enough to put him in his place - my son had issue with his ex harassing him by phone. OUR local PD called her and made it clear she stops, or else... She pretty much stopped! Of course if he's into conspiracy stuff, it may take more legal action, but start with the lesser actions - block visits and block his phone number.

When I needed to get a restraining order against my cousin on my Aunts behalf, I called her local Senior Legal services.
It was a huge lifesaver!!
I would also recommend getting written statements from the ALF.
Best wishes!!

I just went through something similar but only it was my moms attorneys telling her bad things so they could make money by working against me. I finally stepped down and found someone else to step in as POAz I am still medical DPOA. Much better now. As far as the protection order if you are trustee and your dad is not taking care of himself yes you can get a restraining order. You will have to go the superior court and get a ADult protective order. A restraining order is for domestic conflicts and stalking situations. Do you have an attorney?? You might way to find one because more than likely your uncle will show up with one after he is served. When you file if the judge gives temporary APO it goes for two weeks then both parties can present there side in court. If the court allows you a restraining order then you get a five year order against the uncle. It cost me around 10 thousand dollars to get an attorney and get a APO. But you can also file one yourself for less. That means you fight your uncle in court on your own. Also be very very careful. Do not remove anything from your fathers home if he still has one and his belongings there. And keep very very good records of money coming in and out of bank accounts in case you are investigated by a guardian at litem or a financial CPA ordered by the court if the judge believes your uncle over you. Keep records of your uncle’s visits and conversations with your father write dates and times you must prove this harmful to your father. And prove your uncle is doing the things you said it’s your word against his. Hope this helps good luck..

In some cases you would be able to do so, however, if there is not proof that this is a necessary step such as it is a he said she said situation, without proof, you may not be able to get the protections you are seeking. If your father is in a ALF, I do know that your uncle can't remove your father from the ALF if he is not a POA and as long as a POA of a trusted person such as yourself is the first one there, the ALF won't release him to your uncle.
I also suggest speaking with an Elder Care Attorney as they may have better insight of what would be in the best interest of your father.

So hopefully this helps. My grandmother passed away last year and the day we buried her a lady who claimed to have went to school with my grandfather came in and for lack of better terms "swept him off his feet." At this time no one was living with my grandfather, so this lady and her sister came into his home (which is very nice and very expensive and has a lot of nice stuff) and decided they were going to move in and go through all my grandmothers stuff. Mind you my grandfather has been diagnosed with dementia and my 2 uncles and my mom have the power of attorney and an updated will. These two ladies that came in were gold diggers. They wanted anything and everything they could get ther hands on. We went to the police and explained everything that was going on. We lucked out and got an officer who went through the same thing. Long story short and many many incidents later we got a Criminal Trespassing charge put on her where she could not step foot on this property. At that point she was constantly driving by the house, she cussed me out and flipped me off because she had stopped by wanting to talk to him and I told her she needed to leave before I called the police because at that point the Trespassing charge was effective and she could of been taking to jail. She tried to come back about 2 months later and my grandfather had forgotten about her. And that is when she realized it was time to move on. I really hope this helps if not I am sorry I wasted your time LOL!

TMacdau, have you found an answer to your question of the 9th? Do you have a plan. It is so helpful when OPs come back and let us know if they found an answer. Helpful to those who answer your querie and to others dealing with these problems.

update to situation:
Uncle finally able to realize he was not helping Father's mental state. Everyone has calmed down now that quarantine has been lifted. I think the quarantine was adding to the frustration and paranoia. Right now, everyone is at peace. Thanks to all who offered advice.