Best incontinence aids?
You'd think I'd know this by now!
Mom has had an internal catheter and urine collector bag for over 5 years. It was NEVER a good 'fit' and she leaked a lot, but just put a pad in her underwear. She had to empty the bag twice a day, which was a chore, but she didn't have to go to the bathroom and she was happy with that 'freedom'.
I guess the cath stopped working and the dr pulled it and said "You can't wear this forever--it's actually making you have constant UTI's and we cannot treat them".
So she has to wear 'diapers' (She calls them that, I don't) and she says they don't catch a thing, she 'gushes' urine all over the place every time she stands up or sits down. I think her sphincter is completely shot--she can't hold or release urine.
I said "Mom, there are countless incontinence products out there. How often are you changing them out?' Well, once a day. Because they are so expensive. (SMH)
I told her I would see if y'all had really good recommendations for products that hold a LOT of fluid. Besides baby diapers, which, BTW, will hold up tp 6 CUPS of water before they explode. (Thank you 5th grade science fair!)
I think she is putting one on with a pad in the am and expecting it to hold the day's urine.
She truly HATES going to the bathroom. I don't think she can actually 'go' but she needs to change more often.
On the bright side, her apartment doesn't stink anymore. It was those old, cracked, stained cath bags hanging around.
MAybe some hints I can give her about making the change quickly? I think she's struggling with that, too.
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I do not use these for their lower cost as it’s what we grabbed day one when we knew nothing and they have worked very well since - I know how important skin integrity and UTI are so I would not have kept these brands if they didn’t work well..so these are 2 products that are cheaper in price and work for my mom (whom is bed or wheelchair at all times). She will have to change any product more than once a day though so maybe trying just the large panty liner it will help her just change that throughout the day?
We also use the external cath at night - it’s called the purewick (you can google) - that is costly. But my moms overnight pantry liner from Walgreens works very well for when she is out all day - it absorbs a lot and seldom leaks - so maybe check Walgreens for buy one get 50% off the second?
Why the catheter and the bag strapped to her leg were more accpetable than wearing a panty is beyond me. She's had several surgeries to repair bladder prolapse and none of them helped. I feel for her--although she smells so much better it's amazing. I think she got out of the habit of going to the toilet and just enjoyed the 'freedom' of the cath bag.
Wondering if she has a panty-type thing or one that rips up the sides like a baby diaper. Maybe she could change the kind she uses--IDK, she brought up the subject so that means I can talk to her about it.
Watching her go through YEARS of bladder leakage has made me grateful I gave birth via-c-section 5 times and have the pelvic floor of a 16 year old! If I'd pushed those 10 lb babies out this would be ME dealing with leaking!
Take some time to check out the websites of Depends, Always, Tena and whatever other products are easily available at your local stores, they are full of information about their products and some even provide free samples. If she really can't/won't change more than once a day then you will probably need to order one of the premium products - google something like "best adult diapers" to find reviews.
I'm going up tomorrow with my laptop and having her watch the 'tutorial' so she has an idea of what she'd be getting into.
If she wants to order a system, then she needs YB's OK. She will NOT be able to empty the contents of the container w/o spilling, just won't happen--so somebody from YB's home will need to step up. There's 6 adults living there--shouldn't be too hard.
If she could wake up dry--I think it would be a game changer, Yes, they are very expensive, but she has the money for it and will pay for it herself. Maybe it will cut down on her crazy catalog spending!
I also am going to encourage her to buy better incontinence 'diapers'. She goes real cheap on those. And encourage her to change them more often than every 6 hrs. Then I am done with this drama :)
She has no computer abilities, so I guess I can do some research. I am positive she's buying the cheapest thing out there and trying to make it last for 12 hours.
This is a new thing--before the catheterization, she was just lightly 'leaking' but after that many years with a cath bag, she got complacent. It leaked a lot too, b/c she wouldn't empty it frequently enough. I don't get why a cath bag strapped to her leg is 'better' than a depends of some kind. The cath bag leaked a LOT of the time and all her clothes just stunk.
Always something, isn't it?
At night I put a "wrap-around" extra thick diaper on him because he could never get through the night with a Depends and pad-there were side leaks. On top of it, he wears a stretchy long boxer short to keep it in place during the night. Most nights he gets through to morning without leaking.
Another thing to watch for is diaper rash. I routinely use a barrier cream and if I notice a rash possibility I apply Desiden, or "Butt Paste".
Good Luck with your Mom! At least she is able to change herself but needs convincing on how often. Perhaps a suggested routine of checking the pad every 2 hours during the day might work, and stressing the importance of changing out the pad, to avoid a nasty case of diaper rash.
I talked to mom a few weeks ago about the PureWick system, which she had seen on TV but couldn't wrap her brain around. I told her I would look into it for her. She is always complaining about her issues with her 'diapers' (I do not call them that, she does) and esp about wetting the bed every night and what a mess that is..on and on...
So, ok, I look it up, watch the video. Read the reviews, do the research and decide that this is something that could really benefit her.
Went up yesterday and plugged in my laptop and couldn't get the wifi to connect and everyone in the house is ASLEEP (it's 1 pm!!) and I can't get anyone to answer the phone and give me the stupid wifi security code, so I could only use my phone and mom couldn't see the video---
This all takes me an hour and finally she 'gets it' and says "Oh, I talked to R (my YB who 'cares' for her) and he said that these things are just horrible, cause UTI's all the time and are impossible to empty without spilling. He decided I didn't need it."
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I said "Mom, R tells you what HE WANTS YOU TO HEAR so you will quietly obey him. Are you not even going to TRY this? You LIKE waking up sopping wet and smelly and changing your bed from the pad out every day?"
I mean, yeah, it was pointless to be angry with her. If R says she can't have/do something, it can't happen. I HATE that he brainwashes her. Hate, hate, hate it.
I actually asked her to call him (he was just upstairs in bed) to get the code and she said "Oh, that phone number is only for work calls. He doesn't pick up". Well, that also is a lie and a pretty mean one too. She cannot get up the huge flight of stairs to where the family lives, so she just relies on listening for someone to walk downstairs to grab them and get a message to R.
It's no skin off my nose. R does not return phone calls, texts or emails, ever. And he wonders why the rest of us sibs get mad at him. It would take 5 minutes to compose and send a text or email once a month to let us know how mom is or what she may need from one of us.
I'm going to take a minute to cool off and might place a call to APS next week. I truly think his behavior towards her borders on abuse. Definitely neglect--where she has to sit and wait for anyone to come down the stairs before she can find someone to help her--no one will answer her calls! And the house is full of 4 adult daughters ages 24-34 along with my SIL and my brother. She should not have to sit in a messy diaper b/c she can't wipe herself anymore. It's humiliating and I feel, abusive.
Done with the rant. I guess I just don't 'get' that mom will not stand up to R and he has total mental control over her. I don't think that's right at all.
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