My Dad has dementia and he's a recovering alcoholic. He's in a locked memory care unit. I like to invite him along to outings and he's gone several times to this one couple's house, by invitation. I accommodate him by taking along nonalcoholic or low (1%) alcohol wine/beer. Then other times when it's couples only, he's not invited. Fine. Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday and we were invited to this couple's house, not my Dad. When the party was over the hostess said I could have invited my Dad (thanks for telling me now). But I kind of just avoided the whole issue b/c in addition, my bf doesn't like watching sporting events with Dad because he feels like my Dad will vote for the opposite team to be antagonistic, and I always get caught in the middle. It's embarrassing that he takes sports so seriously that he gets angry at someone with dementia, IMHO. When I got home there was a message from my Dad, he knew it was Superbowl Sunday and what was I doing? I felt so bad. I want to be an advocate for my Dad but I feel like people don't want him along that much. Also let me add I don't own a TV and I'm not crazy about bringing my Dad to a sports bar and then telling him he can't drink. So going off alone with him is not really an option. So it would be me and him sitting in his room and he would definitely prefer to go out and would ask all these questions why I wouldn't take him along, where's my bf, etc.
Vegaslady I have two problems with telling the truth: my Dad won't remember and will keep asking me why, digging up negative feelings over and over with respect to my boyfriend. I am not sure that this is a very productive thing to do. For his type of memory loss (and you can't know this) the emotional things and the repetitive things and especially the repetitive emotional things become locked in his memory as a negative experience because he fixates on them (but he might not even remember the details, just that there was something negative about my bf). It would just make him unnecessarily depressed and he wouldn't necessarily be capable of making amends to my bf and it might make future nonsports related activities with bf a little tense.
I'm more concerned that your b/f 'takes sports so seriously' that he is incapable of enjoying a televised match if he's not with his own partisan type. That is not sporting, that is tribal. True sportsmen are perfectly capable of going to the match itself with supporters of the opposing team and enjoying the game on its merits. In fact I'd call it definitive.
If his enjoyment, though, is spoiled by interruptions from your father or "intentional" (of course there is no intention with AD, but you know what I mean) provocation, then I'd be more sympathetic. But I have had to endure matches in the company of whitterers, know-it-alls, drunkards, one SIL whose cheers were like the whistle of an express train in my right ear, another SIL who complained so bitterly about the cold from kick-off to the final whistle that she didn't know who'd won… It's all atmosphere. Cope.