My mom is 89 and for several years has volunteered at a thrift store two times a week. The staff and customers are wonderful and working there means the world to her. She is very well liked by everyone there and they greet her with hugs when she arrives. She feels needed and it keeps her socially & physically active. I drive her to and from the shop and have a good rapport with the manager and staff. This past Wednesday while volunteering she appeared unsteady and at one point seemed to catch herself from falling. Another volunteer spotted her and came to her assistance. These days my mom will often have different recall on events and in this case my mother's version is that she was fine until the woman physically pushed & forcibly restrained her and wanted her to sit in a wheelchair. My mother keeps replaying the events as she sees them over in her mind and alternates between crying and being angry at the woman. I try to acknowledge her feelings by saying I'm sure it was embarrassing, etc. but I am careful not to fan the flames in any way. I am also careful not to say I don't believe events happened as she has described. I remind her that the important thing is she got checked out by her doctor, is feeling well and that everyone involved had the best of intentions. I thought she was feeling better about the situation and we had a plan for her to show up for her next volunteer day, Monday, happy and with a plate of brownies - putting it all behind her. But, she woke up from her nap this afternoon having replayed her version in her mind (again!) and is back to feeling angry. Now she plans to speak with the store manager about the horrible thing that was done to her and she thinks she is owed an apology. I'm afraid that if she does that one of two things could happen. One, she might get terribly upset and offended if the manager and her other friends at the store tell her they saw things differently and say she would say she is quitting her job there. Two being, if she gets very upset they may simply and nicely let her know it is time to retire from her volunteer work with them. She is prone to lashing out at me and tells me all the time she is moving out of our shared family home, but she does not know how others may react to her doing the same type of thing with them. It would be crushing for her to no longer volunteer there. So if you've stayed reading this long I welcome any suggestions on how to deal with this. I can stop by and give the store manager a heads up on Sunday, but I'd really like to work on distracting my mother from her emotions regarding this. I told my daughter we need something really exciting to happen so she will forget she is mad. BTW when I took her to the doctor she felt fine other than a little bit of a dull head and her gait leaned to the right some. She did well on all the mini-stroke tests he did. He felt it may have had to do with her low B12 (she was due for her monthly shot), a mini stroke, or just one of those age related mysteries.
With father, I've had to approach the Home Care store and explain father's road to senility and bro had to speak to the Surveyor's office (dad accusing them of stealing his land) about his senility. No matter what they, and us tell him, He Is Right and we are wrong.
I think it's best if you give the manager the heads up of what is happening, and your mom's version. It's very important that the manager does not tell you to NOT bring your mom in Monday. Your mom will know you went behind her back and she will remember this. If she's to be laid off, bring her in, if she acts up, the manager can then "retire" her.
I am assuming, first off, that you are confident that your mother is not having TIAs or any related kind of episode. If there is any reason to suspect that she might be, a) it must be investigated urgently and b) I would have thought the thrift shop's insurers would insist that your mother carry out only sedentary voluntary work. But, so, bear in mind that even if there is something medically wrong it still doesn't have to be the end of everything.
I have seen people swoop on my mother, with the best of intentions, and haul her over the road, into chairs, up steps - for a timid and passive lady she has some remarkably colourful language at her disposal, I can tell you. The thing is, it is entirely natural for decent public-spirited citizens to hover anxiously over elders. What is needed is awareness, information, training and the application of good manners for us all to distinguish between little old ladies who are not as steady on their pins as they used to be but are just fine, and little old ladies who are about to go to ground. I wish it were easy to tell the difference by looking. It isn't, of course; but you can still be ready to catch without manhandling: you can stand very close; you can provide a sturdy chair for her to hold; there are all kinds of things you can do besides the laying on of hands.
So I see why your mother is upset. She feels humiliated and angry because of this woman's unsolicited intervention, which she moreover believes was disproportionate (and it may well have been). Of course that wasn't what the helper intended, and I expect she would feel aggrieved that your mother resented her help, but if she actually wants to help older people she needs to learn some tact. And some better handling techniques, by the sound of it.
Its hard not to want to run to help someone who falls or looks like they need it! Just happened today in church. The Deacon tripped off the carpeted pulpit onto the carpeted floor and the collective gasp and a couple people ran up though he was obviously OK and getting up on his own...I know I would not want that if it had happened to me.