90 year old birthday ideas?

Well you've waited kind of late for the type of bash our family usually puts together but maybe you could still pull something small together. Our family likes to host a birthday bash in an AL common room for milestone birthdays, although I hosted these at home for my parents 80th and 85th birthdays. Is there enough extended family for a potluck? Or resources for catering? We used birthdays as sort of a mini family reunion, bringing in food and a big cake, decorating with banners and balloons, inviting the other AL residents and staff, taking small brightly wrapped gifts of lotion, sunscreen, lip balm, shampoo, stationary, stamps, scarfs, hats, socks, framed photos, candy, fruit, cookies, and a big birthday card for everyone to sign. My great-aunt loved having a lot of small gifts and letting her AL friends pick one to keep. (Get some different small plastic containers at a dollar store and put colorful candies in them and add a bright bow to make a better visual display with no hazards and easily discarded when emptied.) We found taking a couple of photo albums or loose old photos were extremely good conversation starters. Our seniors liked to "show off" to his/her AL friends things the family had done, grown "kids" talk about vacations or the tree house or motorcycle from their younger years. Sometimes in one corner we had a TV set up playing old home movies or new videos of the latest generation of kids.

It's really about making a fun visit centered on them. If the party thing isn't workable, is there somewhere you could all go for a picnic? Did your senior enjoy boating/bowling/fishing/gardening or some other activity they cannot do anymore or alone anymore but you could arrange an hour? Would he/she enjoy a minor league ball game? My mother loves watching her great-grandchildren play, so a picnic trip to a local park with a splash pad is something she and the kids love (highly encourage the use of a collapsible cart/wagon to tote all the stuff).

Hope this gives you some ideas.

Has he made any connections with other residents in the facility? Does he have any regular visitors apart from you and DH? I guess it's a question of whether to take him out somewhere, or to host some kind of low-key celebration there.

I think "joy" might be a bit ambitious. You certainly want to mark the day and make him the VIP, but don't ask too much of him this year.

Just pull together as many friends and family members as you can on such short notice and shower him with love - it's not the actual event that is important it's the act of remembering his milestone. So - lunch at a nearby restaurant, or a picnic at the AL, or just cake and ice cream... keep it simple and brief. If he uses a walker or wheelchair you could tie a birthday balloon to it so that everyone at the AL knows this is a special day.

I'd spring 'im. Does he have a favorite place he used to visit? Does he have an old friend from high school, college, or the military that you could take him to see? Does he like sports, perhaps take him for the day to a baseball/softball tournament and load him up with hot dogs and a ball cap. Does he have one friend in the AL that can go too?

This reminds me of a couple decades ago, my then-fiance' asked me what to give his mother, my future MIL. She was in her 80s. I said "your time". We both flew in from different states (military) to his mother's home. We grabbed her up for a three-day trip, paid all expenses, across the state to visit her 99-year-old best friend in a nursing home. They hadn't seen each other in decades. (Florrie, at 99, had a piano in her AL room and she rocked out on Big Band tunes!) We had a visit for the ages. Within a year both women died, but we were left knowing we made them very happy.

Taking such a trip can cost big coin, but it doesn't have to if the trip can be a done during the day such as within town. Just getting him out, quoting one of my Twisted Sisters, "to blow the stink out."

Not knowing what he enjoys makes it challenging.

I would acknowledge the wedding anniversary as well as his birthday. Gone but not forgotten and loved still.

He will probably be a bit sad, 1st everything is so difficult.

Would he prefer a small group in an environment where he could shed tears if needed or does he enjoy big boisterous crowds that will divert his grief.

I think giving them special food that they love and don't get is important and having people that will make a fuss about him, even if it is only your husband and yourself.

My dad always loved to take a drive, so we would pick a location that was at least an hour drive away, and if possible we could come home a different way. Simple, no stress and created a sense of peace for him. I think it is all about the time you give that makes them feel special.

Ar 90 it's kind of hard to invite friends, cause I bet a majority of them are gone. I always try to put myself in their shoes. Less than a year ago would be fresh in my mind regardless of how old you are and he misses his love. I am sorry but he seen 90 birthdays so far, so it's time to spice it up. Is there an old car show event or oldies music festival? How about where he got married, can you bring him down memory lane. Don't avoid the wedding anniversary conversation. We live once, do someone with him, he has never done before. If he can't walk that far, bring a wheelchair. Have fun!!!---

Too late to plan what we did for Dad's 90th.

We rented a hall in the community that he has lived in for the last 30 years. Sent out invitations and had just over 100 guests for a catered lunch. Guests ranged from a man he went to university with to 4 of his former students from the late 1960's to new and old friends.

Since time is short, why not take him to a favourite restaurant, a concert in a park, a picnic at the beach.

Or because the day is challenging as his wedding anniversary too, why not have a quiet celebration this weekend and plan a bigger party in a month or so. We did not have Dad's birthday party on the actual day, but 2 weeks later.

Thank you all.

Be sure and come back and let us know what you did and how it went.

Tell him I said Happy Birthday, big Hug!🎂😘

Thank you Isthisreal- I will do both.:)

Happy birthday to your dad! I hope he has the kind of day he enjoys. For my MiL, any real celebration was too much, because she doesn’t feel good. For her 90th we had a few friends and the immediate family stop ever to celebrate. It seems they all showed up with flowers. My MiL was not up for festivities, had vertigo and had to stay in her room, let people in for a quick birthday greeting and then I entertained the few guests with birthday cake and such while dear MiL rested up from “all the visitors.” Everyone is different, some may enjoy a party or special outing, but I have learned that, for my MiL, less is more. Last year for her 94th I asked friends and family near and far to send cards. She enjoyed looking at them all for some time. Anyway, hope this is a special day for you to be with your dad, “May the Lord be gracious unto him, and grant him peace.”

For my dad's 90th birthday, we had a small gathering of family and friends. Not all children could come so it was mainly my sister's friends who knew dad. My main contribution was going through photos, scanning, putting together a very simple collage and having a poster printed. It was on display at the party but was also something that he could hang on the wall. Photos included baby through current time. Yours would, and should, include your mother to honor that special time. I am far from a computer whiz so it was very simple. Best wishes for your father and blessings for you.

My dad passed away recently and we received many letters from students of his, who took his classes 40 or 50 years ago and said they were deeply affected by his warmth and passion as a professor. My dad, and a lot of old people, struggle with feeling unwanted and forgotten, so I wished he had gotten all those messages while he was still alive. Maybe for your dad’s birthday you can try to find some of those people who he impacted in his life to share how much they think of him, whether old friends, colleagues, employers, or anyone who might have something unique to contribute about how much he meant to them, through a letter or a quick visit. Best to you and happy birthday to your dad.

I would first ask him what he wants. My mom was in assisted living. Usually folks had birthday events in the multipurpose room as an open house for all. We had it in my moms apartment and I think she enjoyed that. We had family also. That evening we went out to dinner. She loved it and so did we all. Hope your dad enjoys his day.

Some people, if you ask, will not want to impose...and yet if you just plan something they may find it hard to say no. And some people in that age range know and accept that death and loss are part of life and at 90 they have experienced so much of that most likely, and know life goes on....but a spouse is someone very special and this is his first without her. I think maybe I'd ask if he might want to go out to a special meal with limited walking. I am trying to figure out a perfect place here in Cleveland...one with a limited menu and minimal commotion due to mom's dementia. Dad doesn't quite grasp that need with his deafness...but they are going to be married 70 years in a couple weeks. We have a near-by Capital Grille that does lunches during the week, and they have some reasonably priced options (for lunch), it's quiet, and they have been kind, knowing the circumstances. There's another place with a spacious looking patio I have not been to before..Maybe the best gift you can give him is just your presence for a good portion of the day?

My mom is in AL and she will be 90 this coming December. We are planning to have a catered party at the facility. Mom misses my dad so much. He passed 9 years ago this month. Most of her friends are gone now. The AL facility has helped her a lot, she is wheelchair bound. She has made friends there and I know this birthday party will mean a lot to her. You know, even if you have cake and ice cream in the dining room and invite everyone, you might find a smile or two in your dad that day. I understand how you're feeling. I hope a party with everyone in the AL facility might be a good idea. We never know what works. We only know we have to try. Good Luck.

My mother sustained a severe heart attack at age 93. We had celebrated her 90th in a big way, with over 70 guests at our church, a local chorus singing all the old songs, buffet, etc. as well as three large poster boards on which I had outlined, with photos and descriptions, the different interests and aspects of her life (families, handiwork, traveling, etc.) as well as a blown up photo of her second birthday photo from 1910! Others gave comments and our niece had contacted all Mom's friends from over the years to ask for a card or letter which she compiled into a great notebook along with her own humorous version of fake letters from, e.g., Bill Clinton, Queen Mother Elizabeth, the head of General Motors (from which my mother had received retirement for 28 years already), etc.
Following the heart attack three years later, I suddenly realized that my time with her would be limited, so I retired from a job I had loved to be there for her. Well, needless to say, I had a new job, because Mom recovered amazingly from the heart attack (had been in the ICU for 8 days, touch and go) and wanted to do so many things yet on her bucket list! The next summer we went to her first college reunion and she was obviously the oldest there, drove past the dorm where she had lived, and enjoyed her being honored at the dinner. We then headed for Albuquerque for the balloon fiesta, where I pushed her all over in the wheelchair; then to Hot Springs, AR to visit all the bath houses of historic fame, to Hilton Head to feel the sand once more under her feet, to a Buddhist temple for a vegetarian fundraiser (she got on the front page of our paper for being there at age 95!), then to Nashville to do a reading from Corinthians at our daughter's wedding, etc. After the 90th celebration, it became obvious that Mom was going to last a lot longer, so for her 95th we had a nice afternoon dessert tea for local friends of hers and ours, and thereafter celebrated each succeeding year until here came the big 1-0-0-! She'd just been in the hospital for a difficult bout with pulmonary emboli, but rallied again. We had another big church celebration as for the 90th, but thereafter she stated that it was "OK" to reach 100, but she didn't want to see 101. However, a month later, she found out that our daughter was FINALLY getting around to having a baby, so she said, "Well, I've got to stay around long enough to see what kind of a baby she'll have." We moved with her to Nashville a month before the baby arrived, and she was ecstatic when he arrived--her fourth great grandson! She had entered assisted living after the move, and the next May, the home and we arranged another big celebration and she was honored with a proclamation by the city of Brentwood where the assisted home was located. She rode in on her Hoveround, waving to the crowd like the Queen of England, and all the legislators and others came and shook her hand, kissed her on the cheek, talked with her, and she was in heaven! There were three more wonderful celebrations until three months after the 104th she finally gave up the ghost. What a fabulous life she lived--raising us alone since 1945, always instilling in us the need for commitment, doing well for ourselves and good for others, etc. When she passed, we had no memorial service--just a good concise obituary detailing her life, interests, and experiences during a life which started when Teddy Roosevelt was still President, and ended just before her second chance to vote again for Barak Obama, which would have been her 21st time to vote for President. She'd seen Halley's comet with her dad when two, and once again in the 80's, seen the development of the airplane clear through to the moon landing, etc.--an amazing century. She passed away in 2012. I miss her daily...

The ALF usually has a party room you can reserve for some family & friends...bring in some food he likes & of course play some music 🎶🎉🎊🎼

Prior to Mom's 90th, I sent out messages to friends and family (email and Facebook) to ask them to send her cards and messages to celebrate. She was in MC and was too confused to go out to lunch so we brought the party to her - cake, flowers, balloons, etc. She didn't remember that it was her birthday or even who all the gifts and cards were from, but she loved being fussed over and ate it up!

Dear Smeshque: When my late mom turned 90, we threw her a big birthday party. At first, she did not want a party. I then got my daughter to ask her and it was a "resounding, YES, I want a party." (Insert - she couldn't say no to her granddaughter.) So we had to do it all from out of state AND on limited time (under 15 days). My cousin had wanted to throw her a party, but it was just going to be 5 ladies with cake and ice cream. Daughter and I did it all - pumpkins as flower vases, restaurant buffet style, me reciting my poem (wrote at 4:00 A.M. due to time constraints) and my brother and his daughter (now almost 21) reciting the 9 Fruits of the Spirit as they applied to our mom. Good luck! Oh, oh - This only came through the day of the proposed party - Saturday.

So it's probably too late now, but one idea we did for my mom was to give her 80 gifts. I know it sounds crazy, but it's easier to do than you think.

Tons of fun stuff at the dollar store: bubbles, balloons, coloring books, candy, magnifying glasses, something for his pet (if he has one). I asked friends and family for any little stuff they had that might be fun and giftable. At drug store you could get lotions, car magazines, lip balm, foot cream, etc. At grocery store: favorite drink, favorite foods, fruits, meats, cookies, etc. It's a bit of a job, but it's a blast when you see their eyes light up when 80 gifts are piled in front of them.

If you had more time, you could hit thrift stores too. You can find some really nice items for less than $5.

So update on the birthday.
First, let me thank you all for your ideas. Many great ideas and I truly appreciate your help and contribution. I will keep some of them in mind for my Moms 80th birthday in September, Lord willing.

Today was the Dear Man's birthday/anniversary. All did not go as planned or expected
Well DH's Grandpa passed away and the funeral this morning. So a damper on the day.
But, even better than what we could have done for our Dear Friend, His daughter came from out of town and has taken him on a little road trip to see his great grand children. A nice and unexpected surprise for him, That will bring him more joy than anything we could have done. So hopefully his next two days will be uplifting for him.
However before they left we hurried there so we could give him a card and some love. I was unable to go in as I have been sick and did not want to take a chance of getting him sick. So DH and Mom went in and visited. I wrote him a letter with lots of love and hugging him with my words, if possible. He was in a good mood and very happy to see them. Much better spirits than expected and so I am thankful to the Lord for working this all out for him. And especially being a difficult time for my family.
So I believe it all worked out for the best and I am so happy with the outcome.
Again I thank you and will keep a note of the things you all said for use on my Mom, or just another I love you day for our Dear Friend.
Thanks again

I am sorry for your families loss.

Thank you for letting us know.

Praise The Lord that he was enjoying his day and that his daughter is doing such a wonderful thing for him.

I hope you feel better soon. Plenty of zinc.

A friend of mine celebrated her 98th birthday with a Pizza party. Several friends who visit regularly brought in pizza & cake to her place. I'm not sure if they celebrated in her room or went to one of the "family/meeting" rooms in her facility. Another group of friends celebrated with her the next night at her place with Angel Food cake.
For my Mom's 90th, I contacted family & friends and had them send birthday cards, notes, emails, or video greetings to me. We (daughters & husbands and any grandchildren & their families who were able) celebrated with her in her home. We brought the decorations (balloons), cake, food & drinks and all the birthday greetings I had received. She commented that it was the best birthday gift we could have given her.

Smeshque: I am so sorry for the loss of DH's grandpa. I send my deep condolences. That was awesome that the Dear Man could see his daughter on a road trip to see his great grandchildren. I am sorry that you are still unwell & pray you recover soon.💙💙💙💜💜

Thank you Isthisreal and LLama

And I am on the mend, thank the Lord.

Yes this precious man was blessed this weekend.

Smeshque: You're very welcome. 💙💜

My late MIL turned 90 in March of 1999. We took her to a very nice restaurant in NYC. We all enjoyed it but she didn't that much. The service was too slow etc. This was not the nature of her personality some years earlier. She passed in November of that year,39 years later on the same day she had lost her husband. My point is yes it is nice to celebrate the occasion but the individual may not be able to appreciate the efforts. I would go ahead and do something but perhaps realize that the expectations may not match the efforts.

I vote for trying to contact former students and other people your loved one has helped. I'm not yet 90, but I asked that my "special birthday" be 75 instead of 80 and my children made a book for me (like you can order from one of those on-line photo places) and collected photos and nice writings from people I knew. (They thought I might regret my choice when I turned 80 but I DEFINITELY did not regret it and in the meantime have added to the book special greetings or acknowledgments I received during my life and a few special cards from my 80th. To those of you with someone approaching a "special" birthday, ask them what celebrations others have had... you're likely to find out what they DON'T want. I think most old people just want their family around and to have their attention and to have them listen patiently and with smiles to those old stories we tell over and over again.